Leave A Light On For Me
by GeekBastard23
Summary: 'Baltimore, 2001. "I said, 'Freeze, dirtbag'," the man panted as Gibbs finally looked up into his face. He felt his heart miss a beat, though, as he saw himself faced with a set of green eyes he hadn't seen in almost ten years.' Slash Gibbs/Tony
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, this is another 'How Tony met Jethro' story. If there is any interest, it will probably be updated once a week, maybe twice if I'm lucky. Hope you like it. Oh, and this will most definitely be Slash, so be warned.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Nada.

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**Leave a Light on for Me**

_Baltimore, May 2001._

Breathing hard, Gibbs rounded a corner, slowing down just a notch to let the detective who was chasing him catch up. With some satisfaction, he noticed that the guy appeared to be fast enough to actually hunt him down. This way it would be so much easier for him not to lose his newly found street credibility. The man behind him shouted something about tube socks that Gibbs didn't quite catch and only a minute or so later, he was tackled to the ground not too gently. He managed to get a punch in before the policeman had his gun in Gibbs' face.

"I said, 'Freeze, dirtbag'," the man panted sharply and Gibbs finally looked up into his face.

He felt his heart miss a beat, though, as he saw himself faced with a set of green eyes that he hadn't seen in almost ten years.

***NCIS*NCIS***

_Alexandria, September 1991._

Jethro awoke with a start, his heart racing in his chest, the t-shirt clinging to him uncomfortably. He took a deep breath and reached for the light on his nightstand, switching it on. He instantly felt a sense of security rush back to him at the scarce brightness that filled the room. He rubbed a hand over his face, blinking a couple of times to chase away the edges of a dream. He didn't care trying to remember what it was about, the tears that were stinging his eyes were enough to know that he didn't want to know.

Looking around the room, he felt the well-known pang of loneliness rise inside of him as he realized that he was alone. He still wasn't used to waking up like that, even after all those months and even though he had spent most of his marriage away in some warzone or another, it was entirely different lying in bed alone now with nothing but silence greeting him. He knew he needed to get out of there, but some force kept him from selling the house and moving away. He didn't have an explanation for it and it certainly wasn't the right thing to do because the loneliness inside of it was killing him every time he walked through the front door. And still, he couldn't let go. Recent events had proved that much to him.

Rubbing a hand over his face again, Jethro finally got up and glancing at his alarm clock, which read 2300, he was relieved that it wasn't too late to go out. He quickly dressed into a pair of well-worn jeans and a light sweatshirt before he grabbed the gun under his pillow and reached for an old baseball hat. He didn't care that he was barely dressed to the nines, but he wasn't out to get laid anyway. Hell, he wasn't even keen on talking to anyone. All he wanted to do was get out of the house, away from his nightmares and away from everything.

He got into his beloved truck and then took a left. He had no idea where he should go, nor did he really care. The automatic motions of shifting and steering helped him calm down a bit. It wasn't enough by a long shot, but it had to do for the time being. While driving, he didn't need to think, didn't need to face his inner turmoil.  
He had already driven for a couple of miles before he suddenly realized where he was headed and took an immediate U-turn. No, he wouldn't drive to the shore tonight. He had wasted the majority of the previous week there, only to realize that he was too weak to even pull the trigger. He simply hadn't managed to kill himself. He had sat in the sand for hours, trying to convince himself that it was a simple way out of all the pain and loneliness. Needless to say that all he had managed was to talk himself out of it. Still, he didn't know what it had been exactly that had him want to live. It certainly wasn't the job at NCIS that Mike Franks had offered him and where he was supposed to start in not more than nine hours. He had no desire to make an appearance there the next day. That was for sure. And yet, he had no idea what else it could have been. He didn't really have any friends left, as he had chased the few he did have away over the last couple of months. His little vacation to Mexico hadn't pleased them, not that he had told them why he was down there anyway.

He had been running away, as his dear mother-in-law had accused him of. And while he had disagreed with her vehemently at the time, Jethro realized that he was actually doing it now. But he wasn't running away from a perfectly good job and he wasn't running away from the emptiness of his house, either. He was on the run from himself. He couldn't even stand to look at himself in the mirror these days because he simply couldn't be the man that kept on looking back at him stoically, his eyebrows forming a tight line, the blue in his eyes having lost its former spark. He was a shadow of himself, but he still had no desire to change that fact. He simply didn't know how.

He finally pulled over into an empty parking spot in front of a shady looking bar. It was dark save for a blinking light over the entrance, which read 'Shorty's'. Mentally shrugging, Jethro got out of his truck and walked into the bar, quickly scanning the crowd. There weren't many guests there, it was a Sunday after all, so Jethro took one of the couple of free seats at the counter, motioning the bartender to bring him a bourbon. He didn't look up when the drink was placed in front of him, nor did he mutter his thanks. He wasn't there for small talk. All he wanted to do was sip from his bourbon, wallow in self-loathing and be left alone.

He hadn't exactly planned on getting drunk, but he hadn't planned on staying sober, either, so he wasn't really surprised when he felt the world start to spin around him ever so slightly two hours later. He had lost track of the number of drinks he had had about an hour previously and as he looked up from the empty glass in front of him in search for the barkeep, he realized that he was the only customer left. When had that happened? Subtly shaking his head, he beckoned over the man behind the counter who had been busy cleaning the glasses with a dirty looking rag. He was rather young, Jethro realized only now, his dark blond hair apparently unmanageable, his body lean and gangly. The other man shot him a glance of appraisal before he slowly walked over to him, his eyes resting on the empty glass in front of Jethro.

"I think you've had enough for tonight," the kid said, reaching for the glass.

Fixing him with glare of death, Jethro held on to it tightly. He wasn't willing to go home just yet. He wasn't gone far enough for him to forget.

"And who the hell are you to tell me that?" he shot back, his eyes never leaving the kid's.

"Well," he answered with ease and a grin that Jethro would have loved to smack from his face. "I'm your lovely bartender for tonight. And as you're the last one here on a Sunday at 1.30, I'd say I have the right to tell you that you've had enough."

Jethro continued to stare at him, but the kid didn't relent, just kept on looking right back at him. For a moment, he wondered if Kelly would have grown up to be just as confident as the kid in front of him and he felt the well-known pain get caught in his chest again as he realized that he would never know, would never see his beautiful daughter grow up to be a young woman. He ran a shaky hand through his hair and averted his eyes from the younger man. He suddenly couldn't stay here any longer, couldn't look at the boy's carefree face and shit-eating grin. He tossed a couple of dollar bills onto the counter, grabbed his keys and was just about to get up when a warm hand grabbed for his hand. Quickly pulling it away as if he had been electrocuted, he stared at the other man, wondering what in the world was wrong now. Hadn't he just told him to leave? So why was he looking at him like that now? The bartender only shook his head, though, and then got a hold of Jethro's keys, prying them away from his hand.

"You're not driving. You're drunk and I'm calling you a cab."

"Fine," Jethro pressed out through gritted teeth. "Can I have my keys back then? I'm going to wait outside."

"Not happening, buddy," the kid replied, chuckling. "I'm not that stupid. I know guys like you. You'll just get into your car and then crash it somewhere. I've seen it too many times. No way, I'm giving you back your keys. It's not worth it."

Jethro stared at him, trying to decide whether he should hit him or just turn around and leave. Deep down he knew the younger man was right and that he was in no state to drive. But that didn't mean he was ready to admit it. Not to a twenty-year-old who was probably full of shit anyway. And maybe it was exactly what Jethro wanted after all. Maybe he wanted to crash his fucking truck into a fucking tree. What was it to the kid anyway?

"Don't even think about it," the boy said after a moment of prolonged silence. "I don't know what your damage is and I don't care. But I'm not giving you the keys like that. In fact, I'm keeping them. You can pick them up tomorrow right here."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Jethro was shouting now, up on his feet, leaning over the counter threateningly, but the kid didn't even flinch.

"Please," the younger man spat out. "You're not going to hurt me. I'm a Phys. Ed. major, I can take a damn alcoholic like you in my sleep, believe me."

Jethro scrutinized him for a second or two before he slumped back into his seat, holding up his hands. He had wanted to protest, had wanted to tell him off that he wasn't an alcoholic, that he was a Marine and that he could easily fight him, but then he had realized that it was no use. Fighting with this kid wouldn't help him, would probably just lead to more trouble and he had enough of that already. So, he just shrugged and then waved his hand, telling the kid to go on calling the damn cab company.

Jethro simply didn't care. He wanted to leave, wanted to go home to his wife and kid, cuddle up with Shannon in their bed and forget about the world for a couple of hours. But he couldn't do that. Wouldn't be able to do that ever again.  
So, he just kept on sitting there, staring at the empty glass in front of him, waiting for someone to take him home to his empty house and life.

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_A/N: Yes? No? Let me know if you want it continued! ;)_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Wow. Thanks guys for those great reviews! I really hadn't expected that many. You're awesome! I meant to reply to each of you individually, but real life's a bitch right now and didn't find the time :/ But I loved every single one of them. Thanks. Hope you like the next chapter, too._

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**Chapter Two.**

Jethro had awoken sometime around lunchtime with a headache that had him wish to die right there and then. He never used to sleep that late, never used to drink that much, either, and yet it had become a common occurrence over the last couple of weeks. He didn't like what he had become, hell, he even despised himself for it, but he didn't know how to get out his funks. He couldn't even bring himself to care. He didn't owe anyone an explanation, not Shannon's mother, who kept on nagging him about every damn thing he did, not his own father, who had had the nerve to come to the funeral with a date and certainly not to Mike Franks, who would by now surely be furious that he hadn't showed up at work.

Mentally shrugging, Jethro switched off the light on the nightstand, wondering why he hadn't done so in the middle of the night, then dragged himself down the stairs, started the coffee maker and tried to decide what to do with the rest of the day. He would have to go back to that bar to get his keys and he secretly wished that that barkeeper would have just let him drive home the night before. But there was nothing to be done about that anymore and another night out a bar wasn't the most terrible thing anyway. At least, he wouldn't be spending the night alone in his dark and cold house.

.

A couple of hours later, Jethro paid the cab driver and then slowly made his way into the bar, wondering why in the world he had even bothered to go in there the night before. It was shabby beyond belief and he had no clue why anybody would willingly spend time in there. Maybe, he had been too far gone already when he had first arrived there yesterday. Subtly shaking his head, he approached the counter and found himself oddly relieved when the same kid was standing behind it. At least, he wouldn't have to explain himself to another barkeeper. At that moment, the man looked up and smiled at him ever so slightly as he rummaged through the pockets of his jeans. He finally found what he was looking for, yanked out Jethro's keys and placed them on the counter in front of him.

"Here you go," he said, grinning at him ever so slightly. "I hope you're not too mad at me."

Jethro snorted and shook his head before taking a seat, despite his better judgment.

"What can I get you?" the kid asked, wiping down the counter.

"Beer," Jethro grunted. "If that's okay with you?"

"Got nothing against drinking," the boy answered cheekily. "It's the driving afterwards that's not fine with me."

A hint of a shadow appeared in the kid's green eyes for a moment and just when Jethro was about to say something about it, the boy turned around to get him the ordered beverage. Jethro fixed him with a stare as he tried to figure out why he was even talking to the kid, but then decided that he didn't care. The bar was practically empty and there was no one else he'd rather talk to, so what did it matter? The younger man placed a beer bottle on the counter now with another smile.

"You look better today," he then said, picking up a rag to clean a couple of already clean-looking glasses.

"Yeah," Jethro snorted again before he took a sip. "No alcoholic here."

"Sure looked like one last night," the kid answered with ease and Jethro noticed something that felt suspiciously like anger flare up inside of him.

He hadn't been angry in a while now, had actually not felt much of anything these last couple of weeks. He wasn't quite sure whether being angry was the best of feeling for his inner state of mind, but it was… something. He didn't care to share it with the other man, though. It wouldn't help getting furious and especially not over something like this.

"I mean," the kid continued after a while, still grinning at him ever so slightly. "You had like eight glasses of bourbon and didn't even sway when you got up. Last time I've seen that…"

He trailed off now and Jethro wasn't sure whether it was because he had fixed him with another one of his patented death glares or because the younger man had let something slip that he hadn't intended to. Either way, the young man had stopped babbling for the moment and Jethro really was okay with that. He liked his quiet after all.

They spent the next few minutes in silence and Jethro found himself surreptitiously watch the kid walking up and down behind the bar. He was tall and gangly, but Jethro could tell that he hadn't been lying about being a Phys. Ed. major because he didn't seem weak and had a youthful grace to his steps. What struck him as odd, though, was that while his outfit was apparently carelessly thrown together, the clothes didn't exactly seem to be cheap. Jethro squinted a bit and then thought he could make out a brand name that Shannon had adored. He took a deep breath and run a hand over his face, trying to fight down the pain that would always appear whenever a memory of his late wife resurfaced and hit him unprepared. He felt the kid's eyes on him again and quickly pulled himself together. Sipping from his beer, he looked at the young man.

"So why do you work here?" he finally asked even if he had no idea why he even felt the strange urge to talk to him.

"Need the money for college," the kid shrugged carelessly. "Pays pretty well actually."

"Sure," Jethro shook his head. "What college?"

"OSU," he grinned again.

"OSU?" Jethro asked, slightly surprised. "Ohio?"

"Yup."

"They don't have shabby bars in Ohio?"

The kid laughed, shaking his head. "I'm sure they do. But I'm in between apartments over the summer break, so I'm bunking with some friends here."

"Hmm," Gibbs grunted, averting his glance from the kid to stare at his beer instead.

He knew he should go home. This wasn't like him, sitting in a bar on a Monday evening talking to a barkeeper at least ten years his junior. But what else was there really? At least, the kid wasn't looking at him in disgust like he had done the night before and he was actually talking, too. Jethro, in fact, wasn't quite sure when he had last initiated any kind of conversation himself.

"So, you're what?" the kid roused him from his thoughts. "Army?"

"Marine," Jethro grunted. "Used to be, at least."

"My uncle always said there's no such thing as an Ex-Marine."

"That'd be right."

The kid gave him a smile, a real one, showing his teeth and Jethro felt something inside him settle down. He blinked, trying to figure out why that was but before he could dwell on the thought for too long, the young man had reached out his hand to shake Jethro's.

"I'm Tony, by the way."

Taking his hand, Jethro looked up at him again before he slowly answered, hesitating ever so slightly. "Ben."

Tony looked at him for a moment, raising an eyebrow as if he was trying to figure out whether it was his real name, but then shrugged again.

"Nice to meet you, Ben. And I'm sorry about yesterday, shouldn't have called you an alcoholic."

Jethro just shrugged. He didn't care what the kid thought about him or anyone else for that matter. He couldn't help to realize, though, that Tony was only half-wrong. He might not be an alcoholic, but he sure was on the way to become one. Drinking himself into bourbon-induced stupor after stupor was no exception anymore. He had always liked a glass of bourbon or even wine whenever Shannon felt like drinking one, but he had rarely ever drunk more than that. Funny, how things could change so quickly, because nowadays, he couldn't imagine a day without it. He knew he had to stop doing that, but once again he saw no reason to. There was nobody home to chide him anyway.

Once more pulling himself away from his thoughts, Jethro turned to stare at Tony instead. He didn't know what it was exactly, but something told him that this kind of environment wasn't his usual one. It wasn't like he looked out of place because he certainly fit here, but a kid like him could probably fit just about everywhere. It had to be something else entirely, but Jethro couldn't quite put a finger on it. He briefly wondered what it even mattered, he wasn't likely to see the man ever again after tonight.

"Like what you see?" Tony asked, smirking ever so slightly and raising an eyebrow, and Jethro realized only now that he had been staring at him this whole time he had been thinking.

He just snorted and shook his head, but Tony just continued to look at him. In fact, he was all but giving him an once-over now. Jethro himself, now raised one eyebrow, too, because he simply didn't know what else to do or say. Tony's grin just broadened as his glance landed on Jethro's face again.

"You know," the younger man finally said, still smirking. "You're only half-bad."

"Half-bad?" Jethro challenged gruffly, while he felt actually pretty amused by their interaction.

"Yeah, I mean," Tony continued, leaning over the bar to get a closer look at him. "If you let your hair grow out of that hideous Marine cut and went shopping for decent clothes, you'd be pretty hot."

The older man blinked before he shook his head again. Had he really just called him pretty hot? Had he been called hot by a guy? That had never happened before and Jethro didn't quite know what to do with it. Clearly, Tony was just toying with him, but Jethro realized that he didn't really mind either way. Tony was easy to talk to and apparently a funny man, too.

"Anyway," Tony dragged out the word. "I'll let you be with your beer for a while. Those charming ladies in the back demand my attention."

He waved at them and Jethro turned and nearly choked on his beer as he saw two middle-aged women sit there, clearly drunk and definitely not anywhere near 'charming'. Jethro let out a laugh as Tony rolled his eyes at him as he passed by him before he stopped for a moment and leaned into him, so that Jethro was able to smell his aftershave. It was spicy.

"I should warn you about the one on the left, she's been eyeing you ever since you came in here. If I were you, I'd run."

The older man let out a bark of a laugh as he watched Tony walk over and downed the rest of the beer in one big gulp. He decided to call it a night. If he'd stay here, he was most likely to drink himself into a stupor again and he wasn't too keen on paying yet another cab drive home. Besides, he wasn't entirely sure whether he really wanted to make an acquaintance with that woman in the back, who was now openly staring at him. He gulped, then reached for his wallet and pulled out a couple of dollar bills and placed them on the counter. Out of the corners of his eyes, he saw Tony walking towards him again.

"You're leaving already?"

"Yeah, wouldn't want to let anyone think I'm alcoholic, would I?"

That elicited another laugh from Tony as he picked up the money.

"Guess not," he answered, giving him a smile. "Drive safely. Was nice to see you again."

Jethro furrowed a brow at that, but didn't bother to answer. He simply nodded at the kid, then turned around and left the bar and with it, Tony, behind.

It wasn't until he was already lying in bed an hour later, staring at the dim light of the bedside lamp, that it occurred to him that he hadn't talked that much to one person and had actually enjoyed it, too, since Shannon and Kelly had been alive.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thanks you for your reviews! You made my day! :)_

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**Chapter Three.  
**

Sighing, Jethro watched yet another car drive by. It had turned dark about an hour ago and while he had admittedly enjoyed watching the sun go down earlier, he wasn't quite comfortable just sitting in his truck. He had no idea why he didn't just get out and walk the couple of steps or why he didn't just drive away. He knew that it didn't make any sense to go back into that bar, but it didn't make much sense going home now, either. But simply sitting there in his truck, brooding over something that had kept him up all night made even less sense. It wasn't like he was sleeping particularly well these days, that was if he didn't count the alcohol-induced passing-out, but last night, he had been turning and tossing in bed until he had given up on sleep and had gone down into the kitchen to brew himself some coffee. He had basically spent the rest of the night and most of the following morning staring at the walls, not knowing what to do with himself. He had ignored the angry blinking light of the answering machine as he was not interested to listen to Mike Franks' angry scolding because he hadn't turned up at NIS the other day.

Though, he wasn't quite sure what had made him drive over to the bar, he hoped that his restlessness would pass with a couple of beers or bourbons inside of him. He had told himself that it was the only reason to come here, that he needed the alcohol, even though he knew deep down that he was probably fooling himself. He could have had a beer back in his neighborhood or hell, even in his own house, but there would have been no smartass barkeeper to keep him company.

Internally resigning, Jethro finally got out of the truck and then made his way towards his destination. It had gotten fairly late by now and he could see a couple of guests scattered around the bar. He sat down at his usual barstool and looked around for a moment, feeling his heart sink ever so slightly as he realized that Tony wasn't there tonight. Instead, there was an older man standing behind the counter, looking grimly back at him. Jethro ordered a glass of bourbon anyway, but felt more pathetic than he usually did. Had he really driven all the way for a guy he hardly even knew? And why was he so strangely disappointed that the kid wasn't there now? He really didn't know. Granted, Tony had been easy to talk to, had taken his mind off of things for a couple of hours, but had that really been enough for Jethro to want to come back and talk to him? It didn't make any sense. But maybe, and a corner of Jethro's mind was willing to admit it, it was the fact that Tony had been the only one who had talked to him like a normal person. He hadn't pushed him to talk, hadn't given him a sad smile and hadn't scolded him for drinking (only for driving afterwards). Nobody hadn't done any of these things in a very long time and Jethro realized only now that it was because the kid simply didn't _know_. He didn't know him, didn't know his past, didn't know about his girls and didn't know shit about anything. Maybe that was simply it.

Just as Jethro downed his bourbon in one big gulp and was about to pay for the drink and go home, someone sat down next to him, softly bumping his shoulder in the course. Jethro wanted to turn around and glare at the man for being clumsy when he realized that it was none other than Tony himself who was grinning widely back at him.

"Hey there, sailor," the kid said, then waved at the barkeeper and held up two fingers.

Jethro just stared at him before he nodded ever so slightly. For all his brooding over the fact that he wanted to talk to the man again, he had astonishingly little to say. So, he just continued to watch the younger man until the bartender placed two glasses of bourbon in front of them.

"What are you doing here, Tony?" the grumpy old man said. "It's your day off."

"Wasn't planning on coming in, but I thought I'd talk to Ben here for a couple of minutes."

The barkeep grunted and then disappeared towards a couple of other customers, leaving Jethro sitting there, staring at the glass in front of him.

"How did you know I was here?" he finally asked as they chinked their glasses.

Tony just grinned again before he took a sip and made a face.

"How do you drink that stuff?" he asked, shaking himself. "And I saw your truck out front. Thought maybe you wanted some company."

"How do you know what car I drive?"

"Had your keys, remember?" Tony laughed, once again bumping his shoulder against Jethro's. "Wasn't that hard to figure out it was you."

Jethro just nodded again at a loss for something to say. Tony, however, didn't seem to have that kind of problem. He just kept on grinning at him as he told him a story about today's barkeeper who turned out to be Tony's boss and owner of the bar. Tony didn't seem to like him very much, but then again, the man didn't seem like a very likeable person in general. Jethro listened patiently to Tony's tale about how he got hired, nodding at the right time whenever Tony was looking at him expectantly. He didn't really listen, but it was nice to know that someone at least didn't mind talking to him. After a while, Jethro ordered a new round of drinks and later another one. He let Tony's chatter wash over him and felt slightly warmer inside due to the alcohol. He had no idea why the younger man was being so nice to him and even seemed to enjoy their talk. It wasn't like Jethro had gotten more than a few words in, but Tony didn't seem to mind at all. He just kept on smiling at him, his eyes sparkling with something that Jethro couldn't help but classify as youthful mischief.

Quite a while later, Jethro let out a laugh at Tony's awful attempt of imitating Sean Connery's accent in one of the Bond movies, but then fell silent abruptly as Tony leaned towards him ever so slightly, with one hand gripping the edge of the counter and the other one finding its way to Jethro's thigh. He felt himself stiffen up at the unexpected contact, but Tony just looked at him steadily as if challenging him. Jethro wanted to shake him off, wanted to tell him off and leave, but somehow he wasn't able to say the words. So, he just stared back at the younger man, waiting for something to happen. It never did, though. Instead, Tony blinked once and then leaned back again, telling his boss to get them another round.

"I feel like I've been talking all night," he finally turned to look at him again. "So, what's your story?"

"My story?" Jethro checked back. "Nothing much to tell," he lied. "Was a Marine, now I'm not. That's about it."

"Nuh-uh," Tony grinned again. "I can tell there's much more to you than that. I mean from what I know, you have a dreadful taste in clothes, but you just don't give a shit about it. Judging by the way you're sitting there all stiff and always make sure the glass is set at the exact same spot, you probably loved being a Marine because I think you like your life organized. Also, I know you're not married or at least you're not wearing a wedding band. I'm guessing you're probably divorced because I doubt that a guy like you couldn't get the girl."

Jethro stared at him for a couple of moments, trying to keep the hurt that welled up inside of him in check. The kid certainly was a good observer, had hit the nail right on the head with his guesses. Well, except for the one thing that caused Jethro to sit back ever so slightly now, trying to shake off the feeling of loneliness.

"Not divorced," he finally replied tight-lipped, staring at his left hand where the ring had used to sit for the last couple of years before he had gotten rid of it because it had torn his heart apart every time he had just looked at it.

"Huh," Tony just said, watching him closely, but didn't elaborate. "But three out of four is pretty good, don't you think?"

"Guess so," Jethro just answered, sipping from his drink and he was just about to order another one as the bartender walked up towards them, shouting out the last call.

Slightly irritated as to why the man would close down his bar so early, Jethro glanced at his watch and realized that it was already long after one o'clock. When had that happened? Hadn't Tony just sat down next to him like an hour ago? Briefly shaking his head, he reached for his wallet, fully intending to pay both his and Tony's drinks as he saw the younger man shake his head next to him.

"You don't have to pay. It's on me and therefore on the house. Trust me, I won't have to pay for them."

"You sure?"

"Yup," Tony gave him that grin again before he jumped off his barstool gracefully and put a hand on Jethro's shoulder. "Come on, let's get out of here."

The older man looked up from where Tony's hand rested on his shoulder to the younger man's face, saw the radiant smile on his lips and then felt himself nod. Tony waved at his boss, who just nodded, and then left the bar with Jethro trailing behind. Once outside, Jethro took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts for a moment as the fresh air made his head spin for a moment. Tony, apparently, had the exact same problem because he was now leaning against Jethro's truck, his eyes closed, his hands hanging loosely at his sides.

"Jeez," he laughed after a moment. "That bourbon stuff is horrible. Didn't realize how drunk I was."

Jethro just snorted and then walked over to stand next to the younger man. He breathed in the aftershave, the slight tint of what he thought was hazelnut and the remains of the bourbon that still lingered on the kid. It was only when Tony turned to look at him that Jethro realized just how _close_ they were. The younger man, however, didn't seem the least surprised, just stared back at him, a crooked smile playing on his lips.

"So," he finally said, dragging out the word. "What's the plan?"

"Plan for what?" Jethro asked, suddenly unable to look away from those green eyes.

"What do you want to do now?" Tony answered slowly as if he was talking to a small child.

Jethro remained silent for a moment, trying to figure out what he actually wanted to do. He wasn't keen on going to another bar because he knew he had had enough to drink for now, but he certainly didn't want to leave Tony now, either.

"Don't know," he finally replied gruffly, not bothering to indulge in his thoughts for too long.

"I'd suggest another bar, but it's already pretty late and I'm not so sure I can drink much more," Tony said, laughing once again. "So that leaves us with two other options if you're up for it."

Jethro just nodded as he watched the kid inch towards him.

"One, we say goodbye to each other and each of us goes home. Via taxi, might I add. Two, we go to your place and… I don't know… do whatever it is you do there."

"No," Jethro all but cried out, suddenly scared out of his daze by the prospect of taking Tony home with him. "Not my house."

Tony remained silent at that, but backed up ever so slightly. The former warm eyes had suddenly changed, and the green in them had become somewhat darker.

"Should have known it when you said you weren't divorced," he spat out, the warmth in his voice suddenly vanished just like the one in his eyes. "Where does your wife think you are?"

"What?" Jethro all but spluttered, having not anticipated that kind of reaction. "No, there's no wife."

"Then why did you jump when I mentioned your house?" Tony asked curiously now, apparently somewhat appeased for the moment.

Jethro took his time to answer, trying once again to swallow the hurt and loneliness. He couldn't possibly invite the kid over into his house and not only because the kid would find out his true identity. He simply couldn't let him sit on the couch where he and Shannon used to cuddle up watching a movie, he couldn't let him sit on the chairs in the kitchen where Kelly used to draw pictures of her family and he certainly couldn't let him walk down into the basement to look at the unfinished boat that stood there. Hell, even Jethro himself hadn't been down there since he had gotten the message of his girls' deaths. There simply wasn't a way he could let the kid in like that, not when he barely knew him, not when he didn't even know what the hell he even expected from him.

"We can't go there," he finally said bitterly but decisively, letting him know there was no way they'd go there tonight.

"Okay," Tony said slowly, giving him a speculative look, but didn't press for an answer and Jethro immediately felt a bit better. "We can't go back to my place, either. I mean, I got my own room and all, but I'm not exactly keen on explaining to my friends why I've brought you over and won't hang with them instead."

Jethro stared at him, trying to figure out why it was so unthinkable for the kid to bring over a friend for a drink. Was it because he was older or did Tony simply never invite anyone over? And why couldn't they just hang with those friends? Jethro tried to read Tony's expression as he was gazing intently at him for the moment. They locked eyes and Jethro felt Tony inch closer more than he actually saw it. It was when the scales fell from his eyes. Tony touching his thigh, his shoulder, the small talk, paying for his drinks and now standing so close to him…

"We could still go to a hotel or something if you wanted," the kid interrupted his moment of epiphanic realizations, instantly making it obvious to Jethro that he hadn't misinterpreted the younger man's intentions.

"Oh," he finally said. "You meant…"

"Yeah," Tony laughed, throwing up his hands in mock exasperation. "I thought it was obvious," he then continued slightly calmer than before as he gave Jethro an once-over.

Jethro just stared back at him, unsure of what to say. All night, he hadn't realized what Tony had wanted from him. Granted, he had wondered why he would bother talking to him, but it had never occurred to him that the kid was out for sex or whatever. Now, though, that he knew, Jethro had no clue what to do. He wasn't gay that was for sure, had never even looked at a guy twice and he certainly wasn't ready to betray Shannon like that. But would it really be like that? Tony most certainly wasn't a woman, he was, however, most certainly interested in him and Jethro realized with quite some shock that he wasn't as opposed to it as he had thought he would be. But would he really do it? Or rather, could he really do it?

"Apparently not so obvious," Tony sighed, once again giving him a slight smile. "That's a no, I suppose?"

"No," Jethro blurted out before he could stop himself. "It's not a no."

"Alright," Tony let out a laugh, surprise suddenly written all over his face. "Why the face, then?"

Jethro subtly shook his head as he consciously tried to keep his insecurity from showing on his face. He wouldn't let the kid know that he was all but sure about this. He had never walked away from a challenge before and certainly wasn't going to start now.

"Just surprised," he finally said, his voice sounding surer than he felt. "So, uh, where to?"

"Oh, I just know the place," Tony leaned closer, so close in fact that Jethro was able to smell his breath. "And don't worry, we'll have a couple more drinks. Loosen you up a bit, you know."

"Okay," Jethro just said and then followed the younger man, not knowing what the hell he was doing, not knowing what he had to expect and certainly not knowing why in the world he wanted to stay close to Tony.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks again for your reviews. I hope you like the next chapter, too. :)  
_

* * *

**Chapter Four.**

_Baltimore, 2001._

The detective pulled him up onto his feet and cuffed him not too gently, but Gibbs hadn't missed the brief second of hesitation right after the tackle. He was still staring at the younger man in disbelief, trying to come with a coherent thought and had just opened his mouth to say something – what, he had no idea - when another man rounded the corner towards them, panting like he'd just a marathon.

"Damn, thank god you're so fast, Tony," the ginger-haired man said and Gibbs realized that he was apparently Tony's partner.

He remained silent, letting his glance travel back to the younger detective, who was still staring at him as if he had just seen a ghost – and maybe, Gibbs thought, Tony might actually feel like that because they hadn't exactly parted ways in Gibbs' prime or on good terms.

*NCIS*NCIS*

_Alexandria, 1991._

Jethro watched the younger man walk around the small hotel room. It wasn't too shabby, but definitely not luxurious, either, but Jethro had never paid attention to that kind of stuff anyway and hell, he had slept in dug out holes in Kuwait, so he wouldn't start judging now. Tony fumbled with the remote of the small TV for a moment before he switched it on, groaning as he realized that there was only one channel to choose from. Jethro absent-mindedly noted the muted news program without really seeing what it was about. He still wondered why they were there now. He was aware what they were probably about to do, but he couldn't wrap his head around why he had come. All the way over to the hotel, he had tried to imagine what it would feel like having another guy's cock in his hand, amongst other things, and it hadn't done anything for him. He wasn't particularly excited, but only one look at Tony now, who had just shed his light summer jacket, and Jethro felt a long forgotten flutter in his gut. However, it wasn't excitement. He was nervous.

"Beer?" Tony interrupted his train of thought, watching him closely as if Jethro would leave at any given moment.

"Sure," Jethro nodded and then sat down on the lumpy and small couch, absently picking at the label of his bottle.

"Can I ask you something?" Tony said, sitting down next to him, his left thigh touching Jethro's.

"Just did."

"Smartass," the kid grinned and playfully punched his shoulder. "Why did you tell me your name's Ben when it's not?"

"What?" Jethro turned ever so slightly to look at him. "It is my name."

"No, it's not," Tony said, still grinning. "It took you a few moments to say it last night. And really, who has to think about their own name?"

Jethro didn't answer, instead took a sip from his beer before he placed it on the small coffee table in front of them.

"It's alright," Tony continued. "I don't need your name anyway. It's not like I'm planning to stick around you for too long." Another face-splitting grin. "Though I certainly wouldn't mind spending my remaining week here with you."

With that, he discarded his beer, too, and then leaned closer ever so slightly, his eyes flicking to Jethro's lips for a second before he went to close that last remaining gap between them. At the last moment, Jethro turned his head, so that Tony's lips awkwardly touched his cheek instead. He heard the younger man breathe in sharply before he finally looked at him again.

"I thought you wanted to…" he said now, confusion written all over his face.

"I do," Jethro answered hesitantly, still wondering if he really did. "Just… don't kiss me."

"Why not?" Tony asked incredulously. "Who are you? Fucking Julia Roberts?"

"What?" Jethro replied confused.

"Come on, don't tell me you haven't seen _Pretty Woman_? Everybody has!" Tony all but cried out, laughing. "Jeez, did you live under a rock last year?"

Jethro just grunted in a way of answering, trying not to remember how he had lived these last months, and just continued to stare impassively.

"Anyway, Roberts is a prostitute and Richard Gere picks her up and pays her for like a week because he likes her and all that fuss. And she'd do like everything with him, but one little thing and that's kissing him on the lips because it's against her code or whatever. A whole lot of nonsense actually."

"Then why watch it in the first place?"

"It's a chick flick," Tony grinned. "The girls usually aren't satisfied with a couple of drinks and a hotel room, you know. You got to invest sometimes."

"You calling me easy?"

"Not at all," Tony laughed. "If you were, we wouldn't still be sitting here, would we?"

Despite himself, Jethro let out a laugh. It was more a bark of laugh, but somehow something settled in him. The kid was fun to be around and Jethro felt himself relax gradually. Maybe it hadn't been the stupidest thing he'd ever done after all.

"You should laugh more often, you know that?" Tony said now, whispering actually, and Jethro felt a shiver run down his spine as the ghost of the younger man's breath reached his ear. "Makes you look like you're actually human."

Jethro remained silent at that as he had no idea how to answer that without scaring the kid away. He didn't actually feel human these days. He was a shadow of his former self and Tony was right about one thing. He didn't laugh as much, if at all, like he used to, didn't smile anymore. Hell, he didn't do much of anything. Internally sighing, he turned towards Tony again and then awkwardly put a hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"So, uh," he started and he only realized now that he didn't have any clue what he even wanted to say, maybe he had had too much to drink after all.

"So, uh?"

"What you want to do, then?"

Tony laughed again before he stood up and reached out his hand to Jethro. He took the proffered hand and let himself get pulled up to his feet and into the younger man's arms. Despite Tony's gangly appearance, Jethro realized that he pretty strong. He could just feel the defined abs underneath the kid's shirt and the arms that suddenly embraced him were unyielding against any struggle. Jethro forced himself to relax into the embrace and then just managed to not let out a sigh. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed any kind of physical contact. His arm came around the kid automatically. They stood like that for a few moments and Jethro had the fleeting sensation that he never wanted to let go. He felt the kid nestling up to his neck now and he tilted his head ever so slightly to give him better access.

He still wasn't sure what he wanted, wasn't sure this was really the right thing to do, but, God, the way Tony was now softly biting down on the flesh were Jethro's shoulder met his neck, felt pretty damn good. So, Jethro just let him, let himself go and give in into Tony's caress.

Jethro wasn't quite sure how they had managed to walk the short distance towards the bed with their arms still around each other and with Tony still sucking on his neck. It was only when the back of his knees hit the bed that he even realized that they had moved. He let himself fall back and Tony followed close behind, propping himself up on his arms on either side of Jethro's face. He descended on Jethro's neck and then jaw line, his tongue exploring every inch of skin there with skill and confidence and Jethro realized that he liked it a lot. Tony's hands were everywhere, seemingly touching every inch of his body, the touches deft and certain. Jethro only just held back a groan as Tony's hand found its way under his worn t-shirt. His touch was like fire against Jethro's already heated skin and as Tony sucked on his earlobe and bit down on it gently, Jethro had to bite his lip not to moan out loud. The younger man ceased his actions for a moment to look at his face, a brilliant smile on his face.

"Just let go," he urged. "I won't tell anyone you did."

The older man snorted, but couldn't help but relax as Tony got rid first of his own and then Jethro's shirt. For a brief moment, Jethro found himself thinking that this was a guy who did all of this to him and that this wasn't what he wanted, but then Tony bit down on his neck and all coherent thought suddenly left his mind. It was just so damn good.

A shiver ran down his spine when he felt the brush of Tony's chest hair against his own, tickling and teasing everything it touched. Jethro didn't care indulging into why he was so aroused by such simple actions because he once again lost his train of thought when Tony began to play with his nipples, pinching them, rolling them between his fingers and then sucking at them. Jethro was so distracted by that, that he was surprised when Tony slid down even further, tugging at the waistband of his jeans and boxers and then getting rid of them with a brilliant smile on his face.

"Just let me do the work for now," Tony whispered, his breath ghosting against Jethro's cock.

He took his time just staring at Jethro's cock which had become rock hard by now and Jethro didn't even know when that had happened. The older man wanted to say something, wanted to tell him that he didn't need to, even though every fiber of his being protested loudly against it, but he wasn't even able to finish the thought in his mind before he felt the other man's mouth wrap around his cock.

Wet heat surrounded him and his thoughts left his mind entirely and instantly. He groaned somewhere deep from his chest when Tony flicked his tongue and it felt so goddamn amazing that he had to work hard to keep himself in check to not thrust up into that skilled mouth. Apparently realizing the dilemma he was in, Tony grabbed his hips, holding him firmly in place as he sucked his way up and down his cock. Tony had started teasing the slit, the tip of his tongue darting in and then across it, driving Jethro out of his mind. He resumed doing that, only alternating it with sucking hard and then backing off just to start it all over again.

"Tony," the older man pressed out, but couldn't finish because Tony sucked hard once again and then swallowed him whole.

Taken by surprise, Jethro shuddered violently, desperately trying to hold on because it felt so goddamn good that he had trouble believing that he wasn't only just dreaming. As if on cue, Tony's hand moved towards Jethro's balls and started to play with them.

"God," Jethro groaned.

He felt the vibrations on his cock when Tony hummed and then took a hold of it with his hand as his mouth left it for a moment only to joke, "You can call me Tony."

Despite his fogged up mind, Jethro managed to chuckle but then cried out when Tony's fingers touched exactly the right spot behind his balls. He felt the world around him shatter as he fought for control, but he had no chance. With one last flick of his tongue and one last pump of his hand, Tony sent him right over the edge. He felt his cum shoot all over his own stomach, but couldn't bring himself to care. His head fell back and onto the cushions as he closed his eyes.

*NCIS*

Jethro turned around and then pulled the person lying next to him closer. God, he loved waking up like that. It was how things were supposed to be and there was no place on earth he'd rather be. He sighed and pulled himself even closer to the warm body next to him, pressing his lips to the nape of the other's neck and placed a soft kiss there. Moving, if possible, even closer now, Jethro's arm came around the waist. He took a deep breath and was then able to smell an odd mixture of beer, bourbon and hazelnut. He stilled for a moment, feeling his stomach sink horribly as realization slowly set in. This wasn't Shannon who was lying next to him, this was a very male barkeeper he had picked up in a bar.

He quickly let go and rolled onto his back, draping a hand over his eyes as he felt the first treacherous tears trickle down onto his cheeks. He couldn't stop them even if he wanted them to. This was so wrong, this was the reason why he hadn't wanted to have meaningless one-night-stands because it would just remind him what he had lost. Just as he was about to get out of bed and the hell out of that hotel room, Tony turned around, looking blearily at him for a moment before his arm came around Jethro's waist as he scrutinized him. He tilted his head ever so slightly and then placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Jethro was just about to turn away from him when Tony brought his hand to his cheek and wiped away the tears with his fingertips. Jethro wanted to say something, but as soon as he had opened his mouth, Tony just shook his head, giving him a rather sad-looking smile and then laid his head onto his chest, effectively trapping Jethro in the bed. He wanted to complain, really, he wanted to go, but something about Tony's skin on his own and his tender gesture out of nowhere let him rethink it as he sunk back into the mattress.

Silent tears were still leaking from his eyes when Tony's soft caress lulled him back into sleep, a feeling of dread and oddly enough security washing over him.

* * *

_A/N: Yes? No? ;)  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Hi guys! I'm awfully sorry this took so long, but life's been crazy this last week and I couldn't find the time to sit down and write. Sorry. Thanks, though, for all the awesome reviews and I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait. :)_

* * *

**Chapter Five.  
**

_Baltimore, 2001._

Tony and his partner - the young detective had called him Danny - had shoved Gibbs into the backseat of their car and they were now on the way to the station. Gibbs let Danny's chatter wash over him, but didn't fail to notice that Tony wasn't very responsive for once. The kid, who clearly no longer was one, kept on casting fugitive glances into the review mirror, but whenever Gibbs would try to make eye contact, he quickly looked away again. He could almost feel the tension radiating from the younger man and only now did Gibbs realize that it probably wasn't even their rather hostile parting years before, but the fact that he was undercover now. But Tony just didn't know that, yet.

"I'm a fed," Gibbs finally spoke up. "I'm with NCIS."

"You're with what now?" Danny asked, turning his head to look at him.

"Naval Criminal Investigative Service," Gibbs spelled it out for him, it wasn't the first time after all.

"Right you are," Danny replied laughing and turned around again, paying no attention to him whatsoever and clearly not believing him, either, but Gibbs hadn't missed the fact that Tony's shoulders had seemed to relax ever so slightly.

He still wasn't looking at him and Gibbs hadn't expected him to right away, but maybe it had really been about Gibbs being a criminal and not about Tony storming out of that room ten years previously.

***NCIS*NCIS***

_Alexandria, 1991._

Jethro blinked himself awake, momentarily confused about his whereabouts. He looked around the room for a second before he realized that he was still in the hotel room. He sat up now, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and only now realized that it had to be pretty late as the sun was already up. Subtly shaking his head, he got out of bed, searching for his clothes and trying to figure out why he was feeling so lightheaded and kind of disappointed this morning. It was when the fact that Tony wasn't there anymore hit him. He didn't know what it meant or if it even meant anything. The younger man had made it quite clear that this was nothing more than a one-night stand and, god, Jethro was alright with that, too. But he hadn't expected the other man to be gone by morning without as much as a goodbye. Somehow he thought that he'd get at least a hug before they parted ways, but apparently that wasn't in the books for him. He let out a sigh as he picked up his shirt. He hadn't expected to feel that way now – just somehow better. His cheeks grew hot as he remembered the tears and the way Tony had been able to get him back to sleep. Jethro hadn't been sleeping well lately, but after the younger man had calmed him down without as much as uttering a single word, he had slept like a baby and he felt actually rested right now. He finally slipped into his shirt, casted a quick glance around the room to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything and was then just about to leave the room, when the door opened and Tony stepped in, two cups of coffee in hand.

"Morning," he said, that same broad goddamn smile back on his face. "You aren't leaving without saying goodbye, are you?"

"No," Jethro shrugged, accepting the proffered coffee. "Thought you did."

"No, sir," Tony grinned. "Despite my dad's best efforts, I do have manners."

Jethro snorted and then sat back down on the bed, staring at the black liquid in his cup. He had been disappointed when Tony hadn't been there earlier, but now that he was there, Jethro had suddenly no idea what he was supposed to say to the younger man. He had never had a one-night stand before, had never had anything like that and he didn't know what the protocol was. Besides, was he supposed to apologize for crying? He hadn't meant to lose it like that, hell, he hadn't even cried at their funeral, but something about waking up thinking that he had Shannon back had set something inside him in motion and he hadn't had any idea how to stop it. Tony hadn't seemed to mind too much, but as Jethro looked up from his coffee now, he could make out the slight note of uncertainty in the younger man's eyes.

"You okay?" Tony asked now.

"Yeah," Jethro turned to look at him more closely.

"Good," Tony just smiled at him, clearly unconvinced, but once again, he didn't press for any answers. "So, uh," he continued after a while. "Do you have any plans for today? I mean, I got a couple of hours before I have to be at the bar, so I thought… maybe you wanted to do something?"

"Something?" Jethro replied, feeling a slight smirk spread on his lips.

"Yeah, something," Tony grinned again. "Whatever you'd like to do, you know. What would you do if I wasn't here?"

Jethro remained silent and took a sip from a very sweet and revolting tasting coffee. He could hardly tell the kid that he'd spent the better of his afternoons sitting on his couch staring into thin air, drinking himself stupid or at the beach, only just not eating his goddamn gun. He sighed and took another sip, trying to figure out what he actually wanted to do now. He didn't have any desire to do anything that didn't include Tony today as he seemed fun enough to spend a couple of hours with.

"I don't know," he finally answered truthfully. "You got any plans?"

"Well, I have to check in at my pal's place, let them know I'm still alive, but besides that, I'm free to do whatever I want."

"You said you were a Phys. Ed. major?"

"I did," Tony smiled at him, "I just didn't think you listened."

Jethro just snorted again and was just about to continue when Tony beat him to talking.

"Why are you asking? Do you want to play some ball? I'm sure my buddies would be up for it."

"Haven't played in a while," Jethro replied, averting his glance from Tony to look at his knee instead.

"Saw the scar last night," Tony said. "You good to play with that?"

"Don't know, haven't tried," Jethro replied, getting up, feeling uncharacteristically cheerful about the prospect of playing basketball. "But there's only one way to find out, right?"

"That's right," Tony answered and was about to walk out the room when Jethro stopped him.

"You know you don't have to spend time with me, right?"

Tony turned around and the smile that he gave him now, suddenly made Jethro's heart skip a beat. _What the hell?_

"Yeah, I know. But I want to."

"Okay, then. Let's go," Jethro replied rather gruffly, desperately trying to keep the cheery feeling inside of him in check.

They walked down the narrow hallway towards the front desk in silence, their shoulders occasionally bumping each other.

"So, uh, you want to split the bill for the night?" Tony asked, the smile still on his face, but Jethro hadn't missed the slight wince cross his face there for a short second.

"I was thinking," Jethro replied slowly. "Uh, that is if you wanted… uh…"

"We could stay here tonight, too?" Tony asked cheekily, obviously reading Jethro's mind.

"I'd like that," the older man replied and added. "And don't worry, I'll pay for it."

"You don't have to…" Tony said now and for the first time since Jethro had met him, he actually seemed uncertain, so he cut him off.

"No problem, never got to pay those drinks last night. It's okay."

"Thanks."

Jethro just nodded as they stepped out. Deep down, he knew that it wasn't Tony that had to say thanks, but himself. Jethro still hadn't figured out what it was about the kid that made him feel slightly more balanced. He shrugged the thought off for the moment, though, as Tony started to babble about his various wins with the OSU varsity team. They drove over to where Tony was staying over the summer and when the mansion - there really was no other way to describe it - came into view, Jethro, despite himself, let out a whistle.

"If you got friends like that, why in the world are you working in that dump?"

Tony got out of the car without a word, his expression bitter all of a sudden, and only answered when Jethro had caught up with him.

"I got my issues, you got yours. Let's leave it at that."

Jethro eyed him for a moment, trying to figure out what was suddenly up with him, but the kid just stared back at him impassively, so he let it go, knowing that Tony hadn't asked him about the night before, either. It was probably for the better, too. It wasn't like they were both looking for something serious after all.

***NCIS***

Jethro took a deep breath before he sprinted after a guy about ten years his junior. He managed to get the ball, secretly pleased with himself that he wasn't all that slow and well, old, compared to Tony's friends who were all more or less his age and then passed it on to Tony who scored easily. The kid turned around and gave him a high-five, his smile so broad and genuine that it made Jethro just a little bit warmer inside.

"Not too shabby for an old guy," one of Tony's friends - Jamie, if Jethro wasn't mistaken - quipped now.

"He's not that old," Tony laughed and shoved the guy away playfully.

"I don't know," Jethro joined the conversation. "I _am _turning gray already."

"No, that only makes you looked distinguished," Tony laughed, his arm coming around Jethro's shoulders. "Just like, you know, Richard Gere. Looks sexy," he whispered the last part into his ear and the older man felt a shiver run down his spine.

Tony squeezed his shoulders before he let go again, his eyes racking over Jethro's body for a moment. He clapped his hands and then shouted at the other guys in mock disgust.

"Come on, one more game, you losers. I don't know why I even bother to play with you, you all suck." He laughed. "Maybe you'll have a chance this time."

"Getting tired already, T?" one of the other guys shouted back as he passed him the ball.

"Nah, not tired," Tony replied, smirking. "Just got other plans."

"Uh," Jamie shouted back, "Plans, he calls it. That your nickname, Ben?"

Jethro didn't dignify that with an answer, just smirked at him, but didn't miss Tony raising an eyebrow not too subtly at him and he felt something flutter in his stomach again. Whatever it was down there, it certainly did like the thought of Tony giving him his full attention. And it certainly didn't even bother him to think about what exactly those plans were because if last night was anything to go by, Jethro was pretty sure it would be amazing.

***NCIS***

"That was fun," Jethro said as they entered the hotel room a little while later, his shirt and jeans sticking to him uncomfortably.

"Yeah, it was," Tony replied, pulling off his shirt. "Sorry about the guys, though. Forgot how dirty they are whenever I got company."

"You think we never talk to each other in the corps?" Jethro played it down with a wave of his hand.

"Guess not," Tony replied as he approached him, his hands taking hold of the hem of Jethro's shirt before he pulled it over his head. "So, uh, how does a shower sound, Marine?"

Jethro felt himself stiffen up and a sharp pain shoot through his chest. No one had addressed him like that in a very long time and certainly not in that context, either. He tried to take a calming breath in order not to give himself away, but Tony apparently hadn't missed it because he stepped away now, scrutinizing him from head to toe.

"Something wrong?"

"No, it's okay," Jethro managed to get out. "Just don't call me that."

"No kissing you on the mouth, no calling you Marine. Got it. Lot of rules you got there."

"Well, I do like rules," Jethro replied, trying to sound more cheerful and it actually worked somewhat because the grin was back on Tony's face.

"You got a rule against making out in the shower, too?"

"No," Jethro grinned before he was being grabbed by the hand and all but dragged into the shower.

Jethro took a deep breath before he shucked off his pants and boxers and joined Tony in the shower. He met his eye then with a smile and steadied himself against the other man as he adjusted to the warmth of the water that was pouring down. For a brief moment, Jethro wondered why he wasn't freaking about it all. Just the night before he had had troubles imaging having sex with another man and now he was standing there like there was no care in the world. Tony stared back at him, the water dripping down from those long eyelashes of his before he wrapped his arms around the Jethro's neck. The older man let his fingertips trace soft patterns across the defined lines of Tony's collarbone, causing the other man to shiver ever so slightly despite the warm water.

"So, those plans," Tony finally spoke up. "Could they include me pulling you up against me like this?" he grinned, his hands suddenly on Jethro's hips, pulling him closer.

Jethro just nodded and felt himself drawn even closer, causing his breath to hitch in his throat. Suddenly, Tony forfeited the attention he had been paying to the older man's eyes for his neck, gently tilting Jethro's head to the side to get better access as he sucked on him. Jethro didn't know how long they were standing like that because the world had melted to the hot tongue and lips on his neck before Tony backed away ever so slightly in the small shower stall. He stared at Jethro, searching for something in his eyes and apparently found what he had been looking for because after a moment he slipped down to his knees gracefully. He looked up at him before he smirked and let his fingers trail down Jethro's stomach. He didn't linger long though, deciding that there were more pressing matters. With another deep breath and one look at Jethro, who had suddenly trouble breathing, he let his fingers wrap around the base of Jethro's erection. The older man let out a low, almost desperate sound and Tony quickly glanced up again as if to make sure he was still alright.

Jethro's hand settled on the younger man's jaw line and it apparently said more than enough because Tony's smile grew bigger when Jethro rocked his hips against Tony's slow movements. He licked his lips before he shifted even closer now, tentatively licking the head of Jethro's cock, which caused the older man to groan again. He nuzzled and tasted before he finally sealed his mouth over Jethro's shaft. He continued tasting him as his right hand squeezed and stroked his balls. Tony worked his cock harder and faster, pushing Jethro closer to the edge with every flick of his tongue, with every sucking thrust of his head. The older man heard himself groan loudly as his muscles tensed far too soon.

"Tony," he warned him. "I'm gonna…"

Tony pulled back now, replacing his mouth with his hand and started to stroke him in earnest. Jethro's hips thrust against the touch on their own accord and then all of Jethro's muscles contracted and a stifled moaned escaped his mouth as he came all over Tony's hand with such intensity that he had to grip Tony's shoulders to remain standing.

"God, Tony," he breathed out.

_How did the kid do that?_ This had been just as good as the night before. And as he was still thinking about it, Tony stood up, his hand working on his own cock now, his eyes locking into Jethro's.

"You want to help me with that?" he grinned and looked down at his hard and already leaking cock. "Wanted this since last night when you passed out on me."

"Sorry about that," Jethro said, but Tony just shrugged, so he followed the younger man gaze.

He stared at Tony's cock for a second before he threw all caution to the winds and grabbed it hard, his fingers wrapping around him. He couldn't help but realize that it wasn't weird touching a man like that, that it didn't feel like he was betraying Shannon or anything. It felt strangely enough just right. So he pushed every thought out of his mind and just enjoyed the touch and Tony's answering hardness.

"That's it," Tony all but whispered as Jethro started to stroke him.

His hips met up with his every move and it didn't take long until he seemed to be losing control, judging from the loud and filthy grunts that escaped the younger man's open mouth. His movements became erratic now and few moments later, the orgasm tore through him as his muscles tensed and he came.

A little while later, they sat on the small couch and Tony had at some point snuggled into him. Jethro didn't particularly mind, he liked the kid, the stuff in the shower had been great, too, and he didn't even mind the boring movie - of which he had forgotten the title as soon as it had left Tony's mouth - that was playing on the small television in front of them. In fact, Jethro was feeling pretty content and grounded for once and if a kid like Tony could give him that for the time being, he wouldn't question it. He'd just enjoy it as long as it last.

* * *

_A/N: Yes? No? Maybe? xD  
_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Hah, look at that, sooner than I thought. That being said, the chapter after that will probably take some time due to an exam later this week... but I won't take too long, I promise ;) Thanks for your reviews! :)_

* * *

**Chapter Six.**

_Baltimore, 2001._

Gibbs watched Tony make a phone call from where he was sitting on a chair in the bullpen of the Baltimore Police Department. His hands were still cuffed, but at least the young detective seemed to have taken his claim to be a fed more seriously than his partner had. Gibbs watched Tony cast short glances towards his direction whenever he listened to whatever was being said on the other end of the line, but he never actually made eye contact with him. Gibbs was sure that Tony knew exactly who he was, had known it as long as Gibbs, had probably known it the moment he had tackled him to the ground.  
Gibbs was still feeling on edge, had still no idea why he was so flustered about seeing the younger man again. Over the years, whenever he had had a couple of glasses of bourbon too many, he had often thought about their short week nearly ten years previously and what would have happened if he had handled things differently. It wasn't the first time he wondered if what he had done back then had made any difference to Tony's life and if the younger man still thought of him from time to time.

Tony had now finished the phone call and shot him a look again, one eyebrow raised and it seemed oddly familiar, causing Gibbs' stomach to give a jolt. The younger man had just dialed another number on his phone and was now slowly walking towards him, for the first time since he had tackled him actually looking at him with curiosity shining in his eyes. Gibbs wished he could make himself smile at the younger man, but somehow he wasn't able to. There was something wrong somehow, something missing in those green eyes at the moment and Gibbs realized with a start that the younger looked like he was on his guard. Gibbs couldn't hold it against him, but yet he felt strangely disappointed about it.

***NCIS*NCIS***

_Alexandria, 1991._

They had spent the remainder of the afternoon cuddled up in front of the television. They hadn't talked much and they hadn't needed to, either. Jethro had always been good with silence and while Tony hadn't at first struck him as someone who could go without talking for too long, he had managed to surprise him. He had barely uttered a single word while they had watched the movie, only talking along with the actors a couple of times. Jethro had to admit that it had been nice spending an evening like this with no expectations or plans. While he had done the exact same thing for the most part of the last couple of weeks, it was entirely different with Tony there now. He simply felt comfortable around him.

.

Tony had gone home at around six o'clock to change and get ready for the night at the bar and Jethro had opted to do the same thing. A change of clothes certainly didn't hurt, especially after their little game of basketball, so he was there now, feeling the sense of impending doom wash over him as he stepped into his house. He had used to love it, had used to love every second he spent in there with Shannon and Kelly, had loved chasing his little girl around and had loved spending a quiet evening with his wife, trying to decide what school Kelly should go to or where to go for her birthday. Back then, the house had been filled with laughter and joy and colors, but now it seemed just empty, cold and gray. He got inside and switched on a light even though it wasn't really dark inside in hopes of making it feel a little bit warmer. Little did it help, though, and Jethro sighed as he sat down on his couch, running a hand through his hair.

His whole situation was seriously messed up and he knew it. Not only was he drinking away his nights and most of his days, he also had managed to pick up a male barkeeper. He didn't regret the latter one bit, but it was still strange. He still didn't have any desire to hook up with any other man than Tony, but he was pretty sure that he couldn't have done it with a woman. Fooling around with Tony didn't feel like cheating on Shannon because it was so different to everything they'd done that it bore no resemblance and no memory of his time with her. And at the same time being with the younger man put his mind off things, helped him forget for a couple of minutes at a time and that was definitely a first. Jethro didn't know if that necessarily was a good thing, but he couldn't help but notice that he had been feeling slightly better those last couple of days. Maybe he really did need to get out of that house more often, did need to socialize from time to time.

Subtly shaking his head at that particular insight, he looked around the room and saw the red light of his answering machine blink furiously. He got up and pressed the button, knowing that he could ignore the outside of his and Tony's little bubble only for so long without seriously angering someone. The first three messages were from his mother-in-law who complained that he had never called her back. Sighing, he deleted those messages knowing that she would get the message eventually. There were two other messages, left by old buddies from the Navy who were asking how he was doing, followed by one from a very angry sounding Mike Franks.

"_I don't know what the hell your problem is, Leroy Jethro Gibbs_," the voice growled. "_But in my world when somebody agrees to take a job, they actually show up on their first day of work. I don't know what happened and I probably don't want to know, but if you still want it, get your lazy ass over here on Monday. I shouldn't even give you that chance, but you actually seemed like someone who I could stand to work with, so I expect you on Monday seven o'clock sharp at the Navy Yard. No excuses._"

Jethro listened to it twice, trying to figure out why the guy would even bother giving him another chance. Sure, he had liked him a lot when they had first met and knew what Gibbs had been doing in Mexico, too, but it seemed a little odd to Jethro that someone would cut him that much slack without even knowing him one bit. The decision of not showing up at work on Monday hadn't really been a conscious one, he had been too hung over after all, but it hadn't been like he had had hard feelings about it, either. The job seemed interesting enough. Hell, Jethro had actually thought that it was the perfect job for him, but yet he simply couldn't muster up the energy to go. In fact, he hadn't been up for anything besides drinking over the last couple of weeks – that was until he had met Tony.

_Huh._

Shaking his head again and trying to get rid of the thoughts that would make him indulge in that particular train of thought for much too long, he quickly went up the stairs, changed into fresh clothes and then hurried to get out of his house that was full of memories. He needed a distraction and who, if not Tony, could give it to him?

***NCIS***

The bar was fairly busy for a Wednesday night, so Tony didn't have all that much time to talk to Jethro, but he didn't mind. He was content watching the younger man at work, still reeling from the smile he had given him when he had ordered a glass of water and nothing else. When he had first started to think about this thing with Tony, he had sworn to himself that he wouldn't want to get to know the younger man, but he couldn't help himself now as he wondered why the kid was so reluctant when it came to drinking, despite him working in a bar. It wasn't like Jethro didn't understand that dealing with a drunk and lonely bastard could be hard, but it certainly didn't explain that broad genuine smile either. Jethro wondered if there was more to it than that, if there was more to Tony than his easy and out-going personality he was showing most of the time. He had certainly seen glimpses of a more serious Tony when he had refused to talk about why he was working at that bar or when he had just snuggled closer to Jethro late last night. But that didn't mean that Jethro was any wiser.

"Hey, old man," Tony's teasing voice right next to his ear interrupted his train of thought. "You having a good time? I'm sorry it's so busy tonight."

"No need to apologize," Jethro answered turning around ever so slightly to look at the kid. "Means more tips, right?"

"You bet," Tony grinned, wiping down the counter. "Without those there'd be no point doing this anyway."

Jethro just grunted in a way of answering, watching Tony for a while as he chatted up a guest a couple of chairs down the counter. When the young man returned to him, the smile was still there, but it somehow seemed a bit artificial to Jethro all of a sudden.

"So, what do you do anyway?" he asked now. "I mean I know you were a marine, but…"

"Nothing," Jethro mumbled, staring at his glass of water for a moment before he looked up as Tony started over again.

"Nothing? Why? I mean, you don't strike me as someone who's happy doing nothing all day, having an occasional drink. I mean, you're actually pretty smart and driven, you know."

His cheeks had started to redden ever so slightly at his last words and Jethro couldn't help the small smile that spread on his lips. He shook his head almost imperceptibly before he answered.

"I got an offer. Should have started on Monday."

"Huh," Tony replied, looking confused for a moment. "You didn't want it?"

"It's complicated," Jethro shrugged and Tony nodded.

"Can't uncomplicate it?"

Jethro snorted at the made-up word before he shrugged again. He didn't know why he was even answering, it was none of the kid's business and yet, there he was contemplating to tell him god knew what.

He finally settled on "Not that easy."

"It never is," Tony replied, giving him a small smile with a faraway look in his eyes. "Doesn't mean that the hard way is the wrong one."

Jethro blinked before he stared at the younger man with unseeing eyes, trying to suppress the urge to say something he sure as hell would regret later.

"Hard enough already as it is," he finally mumbled more to himself than to Tony, but the kid nodded nonetheless, sadness sweeping over his face for a split of a second before he gave him an almost tentative smile.

They stayed silent for a moment, each of them in deep thought before Tony visibly shook himself and plastered a grin on his face again, causing Jethro to relax ever so slightly.

"And remember, not everything that's hard is bad," he winked and then stepped away from Jethro to take another guest's order.

Jethro just shook his head, feeling a smirk spread on his face. How came the kid always knew exactly what to say to lighten his mood?

***NCIS***

Jethro was pushed back against the closing door of their hotel room a couple of hours later. He felt the air rush out his lungs as Tony's teeth attacked his neck not too gently. They hadn't talked much at the bar, but the heated looks that the younger man had sent his way every few minutes had been enough to get Jethro's blood start boiling. He let Tony have his way for the moment, his arms coming around his back and then settling a little further down on his ass. Tony let out a startled moan as Jethro pushed his groin against Tony's and was mildly satisfied that the kid was just as hard as he was. He managed to maneuver them towards the bed and to get both of them undressed in no time. Jethro had no idea why he was suddenly almost anxious to get into bed with Tony, but all he wanted was to touch the younger man and to taste him.

Tony, however, seemed to have different plans as he pinned him down on the bed, not unlike the night before, but this time Jethro let him without freaking out and his hands reached for the headboard, causing Tony to chuckle. Almost smugly, Tony began to explore, paying close attention as he searched for Jethro's hot spots. He hadn't done that the night before, but he now took the time, nipping at the lobe of his ear for a long time before moving on to his neck, where he lingered only briefly before gradually making his way down Jethro's body. By the time Tony's teeth grazed the side of his stomach, Jethro was almost writhing underneath him.

"Jeez," Jethro groaned when Tony trailed feather light touches down his stomach.

Tony looked up for second, a smirk on his face before he ran a fingertip along Jethro's inner thigh that caused his entire body to twitch. He let out a moan and Tony grinned only wider before he returned to exploring Jethro's body thoroughly. The feel of the other man's teeth on his inner thigh made Jethro gasp as Tony slowly worked him over. As if from far away, he heard Tony chuckle and then he brushed against his cock, making him moan loudly once again because, god, this was so good and Jethro wanted it to never stop. Tony's tongue was tracing lower now and a lone finger followed until his mouth stopped at his thigh again. His hand, however, didn't as Tony let it wander further south. For the briefest moment, Jethro's mind gave him a shout that he shouldn't hand his control over that easily to someone he didn't even know, that he shouldn't let him continue because he had never done this before, but then Tony's lips brushed against the tip of his cock and his finger started to tease his hole and all coherent thought left the older man.

"Come on," he panted, almost desperately, as he thrust his hips forward.

"Hold on," Tony all but whispered, still smiling as he let go of him and quickly made his way over to where he had discarded his bag earlier. His own cock was hard, too, and Jethro watched him almost in awe as he retrieved lube and a condom. He felt himself flush violently, but Tony apparently chose to ignore it as he unwrapped the condom and then rolled it on. Jethro saw his hands shaking ever so slightly, but then returned his gaze to Tony's face only to see his own desire mirrored. Tony settled back on the bed and then started to nibble at his earlobe again as he started to tease Jethro with a lubed-up finger.

Jethro let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes, trying to focus on everything but his own need to come. He was so hard, he almost ached. Tony forfeited the attention he had been paying to Jethro's neck for watching his own finger disappear. Jethro involuntarily let out a sharp breath. It didn't exactly hurt, but it wasn't completely comfortable, either. He looked up through heavy eyes and then threw all caution to the winds as he bore down, causing Tony to moan this time.

"Knew you'd like that," Tony smirked again and then let a second finger join the first. He slowly worked him open and before Jethro really knew what was happening, a third finger entered him. He hissed ever so slightly and Tony held still for a moment until Jethro relaxed again. They locked eyes for a second or two and Jethro felt something warm spread in his stomach and it wasn't lust this time, but something entirely different. Just as he thought he knew what it was, Tony pulled out his fingers and Jethro, once again, lost his train of thought as he watched Tony lube himself up and then grab one of Jethro's legs. He hooked it round Tony and then pulled him close.

"Come on," he repeated himself, not caring that he sounded needy and totally out of control.

He didn't need control right now, didn't want control right now. All he wanted at the moment was Tony.

"Fuck," Tony moaned as he pushed in slowly. "I'm going to make this so good for you."

Jethro let out a groan and closed his eyes, trying to collect himself. He hadn't anticipated just how much of Tony would be within him. "Give me a second," he panted, forcefully trying to relax. After a few moments the pain subsided a bit, giving way to a slightly aching pleasure as Tony slowly and carefully started to move within him.

"Shit," Jethro cried out, but it certainly wasn't hurting any more as his arms came around the younger man again, drawing him closer.

Tony got the hint and thrust forward, slowly speeding up. Jethro's eyes fell shut again as the sensations of blissful friction seemed to overwhelm him. Tony moved a bit to the side, adjusting his grip, and Jethro cried out and felt his cock that had soften ever so slightly at the initial pain harden again. The younger man grinned as he grabbed Jethro's cock and began to pull at it in time with his thrusts, driving Jethro to the very edge. His eyes fluttered open again as Tony's moans grew louder. When the other man's eyes locked into his own, Jethro gave in and let himself go, feeling his own cum spurt over his stomach at the same time that Tony came with a loud groan inside of him.

"Damn," Jethro cursed a couple of minutes later when Tony finally moved off of him, still breathing heavily.

"Told you," Tony answered, the goddamn cheeky grin that made Jethro's stomach do a back flip every time he saw it back on his face. "Hard isn't always bad."


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: So, apparently I lied. I did find the time to write after all. xD  
Thanks for your awesome reviews! Hope you like this chapter, too! :)_

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

_Baltimore, 2001._

Tony slowly walked towards Gibbs and sat down behind his desk, the phone still attached to his ear as he scribbled down something on his notepad. Gibbs squinted a bit, only just making out the words 'Navy Guy', before he heard Tony say thanks to whoever it was on the other end. He looked up and was finally met with the familiar set of green eyes. The guarded expression was still on the younger man's face, but it had changed somehow and it made Gibbs instantly feel better.

"Well, it's confirmed, he's a cop," Tony said now as Danny walked over. "A navy cop. Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

Tony barely contained a chuckle as Danny made to unhook the cuffs around Gibbs' wrists. But Gibbs didn't look at the other detective. His eyes were still fixed on Tony who was now smiling brilliantly at him and that grin didn't even seem all that fake to him. He felt a smile build on his own lips now and for a brief moment Gibbs wondered when he had last smiled like that because he simply didn't remember. Tony muttered something under his breath now and Gibbs could only just make out the words.

"That explains so much."

Gibbs felt his smile grow even bigger but before he could answer, Danny cut into their conversation, effectively breaking up their eye contact. Tony chuckled again as Gibbs said he meant to get caught by them and shook his head.

"Who are you kidding? I chased you half a block and I had you like a gazelle in the Serengeti."

Gibbs sucked in a breath and blinked once before he caught Danny looking at him with a curious expression on his face, so he hurried to put the smile back on his face, and damn, it wasn't even that hard to do because it was so good to see the kid again.

***NCIS*NCIS***

_Alexandria, 1991._

"You might be fast, man," Tony panted ever so slightly, sweat dripping from him as if he had just been standing under a waterfall, "But you're still just a gazelle and I'm a damn cheetah."

Jethro let out a laugh, leaning against the outside wall of their motel. Despite being used to long runs due to his marine training, he had to admit that the kid had indeed been faster than him. He had had trouble keeping up with him, but he was still able to fool himself into thinking that Tony was almost ten years younger than him, so that it wasn't all that bad.

"I know when I'm beaten," he finally conceded, running a sweaty hand through his hair. "Not bad."

"Not bad, he says," Tony gave back, grinning. "I'm awesome and you know it."

Jethro snorted again and subtly shook his head. If the kid was one thing it was fun and Jethro suddenly realized that he was really glad he had met him. As unusual as their first meeting had been and as different as they were, he hadn't missed the similarities between them. Sure, he didn't know much about the younger man, but he felt so comfortable around him that it felt almost unreal to him.

Tony was still smiling at him when they made their way up to their room. They had spent most of the morning in bed, exploring each other bodies and searching for hot spots, before Tony had decided they should go out for lunch and then for a run because he had to stay in shape after all. Jethro hadn't complained, he liked working out and even though he hadn't gone running in quite a while now, he had to realize that he had missed it. Maybe not everything he used to be was that bad after all.

He watched the younger man throw himself onto the bed, sighing loudly, once they were in their room. Jethro made his way over in a more paced fashion and sat down on the edge of the bed, fiddling with his shoelaces.

"I have to admit," Tony said, sitting up and bumping their shoulders. "You're more fun than I had anticipated."

Jethro turned and raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"No offense," Tony grinned again, raising his hand to run it through Jethro's salt and pepper hair. "But you looked pretty messed up on Sunday."

"That why you chatted me up?" Jethro couldn't help but grin as he leaned into Tony's touch.

"No, not really. There's just something about you," Tony looked away now and Jethro could just make out the faintest of blushes creeping up his cheeks. "I mean, you're pretty interesting, not to mention sexy."

Jethro laughed and shook his head again. "Don't know about that."

"Trust me, you are," Tony replied, moving closer to him ever so slightly. "Worth spending the rest of my summer break with."

"Yeah?" Jethro answered tilting his head to give the younger man better access as his lips descended onto his neck.

"Oh yeah," Tony mumbled, clearly preoccupied now. "I like you and it's only one more day anyway."

"True," Jethro chuckled and then let himself be flipped over and pinned to the bed.

***NCIS***

Jethro looked around and wondered why in the world so many people would bother showing up here at that filthy excuse of a bar. He probably wasn't one to talk because he was there, too, but he was pretty sure that his reasons were entirely different to those of the others. He liked to watch Tony work and he noticed that his easy way with people certainly earned him the much needed tips. Jethro still didn't know what the deal was with the kid because if he was friends with those rich kids, he certainly could have gotten a better job, maybe even from one of their fathers. Speaking of which, why did his parents not pay for the kid? It couldn't certainly be in their best interest to have their son work in a dump like that. But all of it was none of Jethro's business and he was fairly certain that he wouldn't get an answer even if he asked.

Their conversation earlier today came back into his mind again and he wondered if Tony really meant what he had said. Did he really like him that much to give up all his remaining days with his friends, just to fool around with him? Jethro simply didn't get it. It wasn't like this would lead them anywhere and surely, friends were more important than a fleeting affair. But as he watched Tony turn around and give him a broad, genuine smile, he realized that maybe it was worth it after all. It had certainly helped him get out of his funk and even though he was sure that he would fall back into that big, dark pit as soon as Tony would leave that hotel room tomorrow morning, it had been all he needed even if only for a little while. He still didn't know what was up with him, but those last couple of days had been special and although he was sure that Tony wouldn't remember him a year from now, he didn't mind.

"Here, for you," Tony interrupted his train of thought as he placed a shot in front of him.

"You sure?" Jethro asked, remembering the kid's reluctance when it came to alcohol.

"Yup, last day, come on. To us and an awesome week," Tony laughed and held up his own glass before he downed it in one gulp.

Jethro did the same, wincing at the much too sweet taste of the drink.

"To us," he finally repeated, feeling his stomach give a jolt as Tony directed one of those big smiles at him again.

***NCIS***

"Tonight was fun," Tony almost giggled as Jethro led him into their room.

They had done countless shots and while Jethro didn't feel drunk, he wasn't exactly sober either and Tony certainly was more than just a little tipsy. How he had managed to serve drinks and get paid like that, Jethro had no idea, but he sure as hell didn't mind.

"So, I've got plans," Tony said now, reaching out for him and grabbing the collar of his shirt. "And they don't involve clothes."

"That so?" Jethro grinned and was just about to strip off his t-shirt when Tony drew him closer and before Jethro could do more than blink once, planted a kiss on his mouth.

Jethro stiffened up, his heart suddenly racing in his chest, but Tony didn't seem to notice as he kept his hold on him. Jethro was just about to step away as Tony's tongue almost tentatively traced his lips and the older man still didn't know what was happening exactly when he felt himself kiss the kid back. He could feel Tony smile into their kiss before their tongues met up and Jethro felt the rug pulled out from under his feet. He didn't want this, this was too real, this was too soon and yet he couldn't help but let the kiss continue. It felt good, it was demanding and Jethro felt himself claimed in a way he had almost forgotten.

Tony finally broke away from him when the need to breathe became overwhelming. He just stared at him for a long moment, his green eyes shining with something that Jethro had no name for.

"Come on," Tony whispered and pulled him onto the bed with him.

Jethro had expected him to continue to make out, but instead, Tony bent over and rummaged through his bag until he found what he had been looking for and pulled out a Polaroid camera.

"Let's take a photo," he said then.

"What for?" Jethro asked with a smile on his lips. "To put it into your black book?"

A dark expression settled on Tony's face for a moment but just when Jethro wanted to apologize, he had composed himself and was actually grinning at him again.

"No, but that's not a bad idea," he said and Jethro felt himself relax again. "Come on, one picture to remember this. Us."

Jethro just nodded and then scooted closer to him, so that they were cheek to cheek, as Tony reached out his hand and took a self-portrait of them. Jethro snatched the photo from the camera and then shook it until the first outlines of their faces appeared on the surface.

"Kelly loves watching these pictures appear," he then said, his eyes still fixed on the paper in his hand.

It was only when Tony leaned closer to look at the picture himself and asked "Kelly?" that Jethro realized what he had just said.

He felt his heart sink and saw his hands starting to shake violently. How could he have forgotten? How could he have said a thing like that? How could he talk to Tony, of all people, about Kelly? What the hell was wrong with him? He blinked a couple of times, trying to get rid of the feeling of dread and the tears that threatened to escape his eyes. What the hell had he been thinking?

"She your ex?" Tony asked now, completely unaware of Jethro's inner turmoil.

"What?"

"Kelly? Is she your ex-girlfriend?"

Jethro just continued to stare at him in hopes of actually understanding what the hell the kid was talking about.

"Wow," Tony let out a laugh, completely misinterpreting Jethro's silence. "You must still like her. Bet she was great in the sack."

Blind rage suddenly gripped him and he would have no idea later when exactly he had gotten up from the bed or when exactly he just lunged out and hit Tony squarely on the jaw with his fist. It was only after he saw the shocked look on the younger man's face that he realized what he had just done. But before he could do anything about it, Tony had jumped up from the bed, pressing a hand against his jaw as if to check whether or not it was broken.

"What the hell, man?" he shouted now. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Jethro didn't answer, he just stood there, staring at the younger man and yet not really seeing him. He had made a terrible mistake in coming here, had made a terrible mistake in hooking up with Tony.

"Hey!" Tony demanded his attention as he got into his face. "Don't you want to apologize?"

"N-No," Jethro replied calmly, still trying to get his shaking hands under control. "I don't want to see you again. Get out."

"What's happening?" Tony asked and his voice was considerably quieter now, but his eyes were still shining furiously. "What the hell are you thinking?"

"Just… get out," Jethro hissed distractedly as he stepped away from the younger man, but he wouldn't let him as he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt again, but this time not to draw him in for a kiss.

"Get out?" Tony fumed. "Who do you think you are? You think you can hit me just like that? When I've done nothing wrong? You know what? Fuck you. Maybe my first impression of you has been right after all. Maybe you are just like my dear old dad, too much of a drunkard to realize what's really happening. Maybe I should have let you drive that night, maybe you'd have ended up just like my mom, wrapped around a goddamn tree or maybe it's my own fault that I got hit, huh? Is that it?"

Jethro stared at him with eyes wide open, trying to say something, but no words would come out of his mouth.

"You know, Ben or whatever the fuck your name is," Tony spat out. "I don't know what the hell your problem is, but I thought you actually liked me. I thought you were having just as much fun as I was. Because, the fuck, I thought we had hit it off, man. I thought that… I don't know what I thought, but apparently I was wrong. God, I'm so stupid. I can't believe I blew off a date with my all-time crush from high school for you."

"Tony," Jethro finally found his voice to interrupt the younger man, but he wouldn't let him this time as he held on tighter to his shirt so that Jethro found it harder to breathe by the second.

"No, you don't get to say anything anymore. I don't know what your problem is, but if I were you I'd fix it. And fast. Because some time, there won't be someone as stupid as I am and let you get away with this shit and then you'll end up much worse, trust me. So, yeah, I'll be going, but you sure as hell don't get to say a word to me ever again."

He let go of him now, quickly throwing his stuff into his bag and then, without as much as a single look at Jethro, stormed out the room, slamming the door behind him on the way out. The older man just stood there for a very long time, trying to understand what the hell had just happened. He shouldn't have hit him, he knew that, the kid hadn't known what he was joking about after all, but Tony was wrong about all the other stuff, wasn't he? He wasn't so fucked-up… was he?

Jethro let himself sink down onto the bed that still smelled of their earlier activities and picked up the discarded Polaroid. He stared at the two smiling and carefree faces for a very long time until the first tear that escaped his eye smudged a corner of the photo.

What had he done?


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews! :)_

* * *

**Chapter Eight  
**

_Alexandria, 1991._

Jethro stepped into his house, but regretted it immediately. He had tried to sleep at the hotel, as it had already been after two o'clock in the morning when Tony had left, but sleep wouldn't have him, so he had decided to pay for the room and go home. But now that he was there, he felt even worse than before. He knew he had been wrong hitting Tony, knew that the kid had just tried to joke. What made a bad thing even worse was Tony's rant afterwards, though. He clearly hadn't meant to reveal so much about him, with his mother being dead and his father apparently being an alcoholic, but it explained most of his off-behavior over the last couple of days. Jethro knew that he had messed up big time and it didn't even help that they would have said goodbye to each other the next day anyway. He had meant to treasure those last couple of days as something that had felt unreal at times and yet still been the realest thing since he had last held Kelly in his arms. Tony had offered him an escape, had offered him a way out and had brought at least some easiness back into his life and somehow Jethro had managed to lose it all in mere seconds.

Jethro switched on the light on the nightstand and looked around the barely illuminated bedroom. It felt even lonelier and colder than it had done five days ago and he quickly grabbed the cover and a pillow before he made his way downstairs to get comfortable on the couch. He felt a bit better there, though he wasn't quite sure why. Sighing, he laid back and closed his eyes, recalling what Tony had shouted at him just a few hours earlier. The kid had been right about him needing to move on and get a grip. Maybe that meant that he would actually have to step up and face Mike Franks on Monday. He still wasn't quite sure he really wanted to, but if he kept on going like he was now, it would mean his certain death at some point and while he had considered committing suicide only a week previously, he suddenly didn't like that idea anymore. Tony had opened his eyes, had made him see that there were still things that were worth living for. Guilty conscience bubbled up inside of him again and he briefly considered driving by Tony's friend's house to apologize, but he discarded that idea quickly. He was pretty sure the kid wouldn't even want to see him and then there was still the fact that Jethro had no idea what he was supposed to tell him. Tony wouldn't accept a half-hearted apology, the kid wasn't stupid after all, but Jethro wasn't ready to talk about Shannon and Kelly. He really wanted to apologize, but he sure as hell had missed his chance tonight. Once again sighing, Jethro closed his eyes, internally vowing to himself that he would try to get his life back together to a certain degree.

It was only a couple of minutes later that he realized that Tony hadn't just gifted him to a couple of days of fun, but had also given him back his life.

***NCIS*NCIS***

_Baltimore, 2001._

They had talked about the case for over an hour and while Tony had been friendly enough, had even given him a couple of smiles, Gibbs couldn't help but wish that Danny Price would just disappear, so that he could talk to the kid in private. But as soon as they had wrapped up for the day, Tony had disappeared from the squad room and never returned, even as Gibbs had hung back for a couple of minutes. Finally giving up, Gibbs slowly made his way out of the station, pressing a couple of buttons on his cell phone in order to call a cab. Just as he raised the phone to his ear, he saw Tony leaning against the wall of the building right across the street. Gibbs scrutinized him for a moment, but the younger man gave no indication that he had seen him. He had filled out a bit, but he was still all muscles, Gibbs realized. His hair was no longer a dark blond, but black and gelled back in a way that made sure that his hair wouldn't fall onto his forehead. He still looked good, maybe even better than before. He had grown up nicely.  
Tumbled thoughts about a naked Tony over him, about Tony thrusting into him suddenly filled his mind and Gibbs shook his head. He had no business thinking about stuff like that, not when the kid wouldn't even talk to him, not when he had hit him in the face without a real reason. They needed to talk, Gibbs knew that, otherwise working with the younger man could be getting pretty awful.

He finally crossed the street and then leaned casually against the wall right next to Tony who didn't acknowledge his presence at all. Gibbs had come here to talk to the kid, had come here to apologize for what he had done to him all those years ago, but now that he was there, he just didn't know what to say. So, they just stood there in silence for a couple of long minutes, never looking at each other, never uttering a single word. Tony finally shifted next to him and out of the corners of his eyes Gibbs saw that he was running a hand through his hair.

"You still don't talk much, do you?" he finally broke the silence, even if his voice was lacking its earlier confidence.

Gibbs turned his head to look at him now and saw the same lost look in those green eyes that had haunted him a long time. It was the same one as when he had left Gibbs alone in that hotel room, it was the same one that had made Gibbs feel like he had just made sure that the kid didn't believe in anything anymore. He remained silent, though, waiting for Tony to make the next move.

"Guess not," Tony finally continued. "You know, I had big plans for tonight. Guess that's not happening anymore. Isn't the first time you do that either."

"What are you talking about?" Gibbs replied, trying to get eye contact, but the kid was still looking straight ahead as if the street held all the answers to the world.

"Big plans with my girlfriend," Tony answered, one side of his mouth quirking up for a short moment. "But I guess I'm not in the mood anymore."

Gibbs remained silent, waiting for Tony to elaborate, but it never happened. Instead they stood there in silence again, the minutes ticking by, until Gibbs, who usually loved quietness around him, couldn't take it anymore.

"Look, Tony," he started, but the younger man shook his head as he finally turned to look at him.

"Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear it, _Ben_."

Gibbs sighed and itched to reach out his hand to touch the kid in some way, but Tony clearly wasn't up for that, so he refrained and ran a hand through his hair instead.

"You seemed fine before," he finally said as he realized that Tony had actually been smiling at him only an hour previously.

"Yeah, well," Tony shrugged. "I'm the station's first choice when it comes to undercover ops."

"Okay," Gibbs replied, wondering how to start the conversation properly. Damn, it had been so easy to talk to the kid all those years ago. "I... uh…I'm sorry."

"No," Tony said and his voice was so low that Gibbs had momentarily trouble hearing him. "You don't get to apologize. All I want is for you to disappear again. Get someone else to do this job."

"Can't," Gibbs replied.

"Why the hell not? You're a fed, I'm sure you can make someone else do this with us."

"It's just NCIS. You didn't even know it existed two hours ago and we sure as hell aren't overstaffed. I have to do this."

"But we've been over this for weeks," Tony spat out, averting his glance once again. "Danny and I have been working our asses off to get the guy."

"I get that," Gibbs answered slowly, not willing to let it go. "But so was I. We'll have to do this."

"But I don't want that," Tony said now, raising his voice. "I don't want to work with you. Jeez."

"Look," Gibbs demanded. "I know I screwed up ten years ago, okay? I know I shouldn't have handled it like that."

"Then why did you?" Tony asked bitterly.

"I…" Gibbs started, even though he had no idea what to say. "I don't know. I was…"

"An asshole? Screwed up? A Mess? Take a pick," the younger man spat out.

"Yes."

"Yes?" Tony looked at him again. "Which one is it?"

"All of the above," Gibbs replied. "Was a rough time."

"That's your excuse? A rough time justified you hitting me? A rough time justified what you did to me?"

Gibbs remained silent, wondering not for the first time if what he had done to the younger man had somehow influenced his life. It seemed like it had, otherwise Tony wouldn't be looking at him like that, full of reproach and hatred.

"No," he finally said, trying to find the right words to say. "I've been… Back then, I didn't know what I was doing. I had no control anymore, I didn't want to have it either. And then I met you and everything got turned upside down."

"So it's my fault?"

"Didn't say that," Gibbs hurried to explain, wondering why he simply couldn't seem to say the right thing.

"Then what?"

"Like you said, I was messed up and I reacted poorly to something you said. It was my mistake, but I don't know what to say to you to make you stop looking at me like that."

Gibbs ran a hand through his hair again, internally scolding himself because he had let the fact slip that he didn't like the way Tony was looking at him. He had meant to play it cool, apologize and then go on as if he hadn't wondered for years and years how Tony had turned out. Even now, when he was finally able to look at the kid, he couldn't quite understand his almost-obsession with him. Yes, he had saved him from the darkest hours of his life and yes, he had made him see the light again, but Gibbs was pretty sure that it wasn't just that. There had been something about the kid, even back then, that had made him yearn for more.

"I don't know," Tony finally replied slowly, the thunder in his voice subsiding somewhat. "I mean, I know that it's been years and all, but…"

"I get it," Gibbs hurried to reply, even though it was getting a bit hard to look at the kid. "I messed up, I know it, but we'll have to make some kind of decision, Tony. We will have to work together in the next days, there's no way around that. I'm not asking you to forget about what's happened, but can't we be civil at least?"

"I guess, I could," Tony replied slowly and sullenly, fixing his glance right ahead again. "I'm the god of undercover actions. Guess it could be done."

"Okay," Gibbs said, feeling his heart sink because that hadn't been the answer he had been looking for, but he would have to deal. "Appreciate it."

"Look, man," Tony said and suddenly chuckled, looking at him again. "Leroy Jethro," he chuckled once more. "That's really your name, right?" At Gibbs' nod, he continued. "Damn, I bet you hated it growing up."

"Still do," Gibbs cut in.

"Yeah," Tony replied thoughtfully. "What I wanted to say…You seem to be okay, you know. And I'm probably not being fair to you right now, but it's not so easy for me to look at you and not punch you in the face."

"I get it."

"Okay," the younger man answered slowly, dragging out the word and for a moment, Gibbs was sure that he wanted to say something else, but then he subtly shook his head and pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning against. "I'll get going then."

"See you tomorrow?" Gibbs said and he hated himself for making it sound like a question as if he possessed no self-confidence in the world.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Tony replied without looking back as he walked away, leaving Gibbs standing there staring after him.

.

An hour later, Gibbs let himself into his hotel room, his mind still reeling from the conversation with the young detective. He had been relieved to see him again, was glad that he had turned out the way he did and even though they weren't exactly on friendly terms right now, it was enough for the moment. He would have to work hard to get to the kid again and he wasn't even sure if he could manage it at all, but he would certainly give it a try. Seeing him again had sent his mind swimming. All he could think about were those five days back in 1991 and how Tony had managed to be forever a part of Gibbs without even trying. Before today, his biggest worry had been how much money his soon-to-be ex-wife number three would milk out of him, but now he didn't even care about it anymore. Strange, how one little tackle could change it all.

Gibbs sat down on the bed now and pulled out his wallet that he had left in the nightstand because of his undercover gig. He rummaged through it for a moment before he pulled out an old Polaroid and stared at it for a long time. Tony and Gibbs' own smiling face looked right back at him and he suddenly realized that he wanted that again. He hadn't realized before because he had almost forgotten about what it was like with the other man, but he wanted their easy way of talking to each other back, wanted their easy way of living into the day again. It wasn't likely that Tony would forgive him, but Gibbs would certainly try to make it happen.

He simply wanted to. And he had to, too.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Thanks for your kind words! Made my day :) Hope you like the next chapter, too. :)_

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

_Baltimore, 2001._

Gibbs was already more or less comfortably seated in the squad room the next morning, only half listening to Danny Price's remarks about their case. It was old news and all Gibbs really wanted was to look at Tony again and he hoped that the kid would actually make the effort to be civil with him. Forcefully trying to pry away his thoughts from the younger man, Gibbs finally drew his attention back to Danny who seemed rather nervous this morning if Gibbs' limited contact with the guy was anything to go by. But just as he wanted to ask him what was up, Danny grinned at something behind Gibbs and he followed his glance, only to see Tony walk in, a backpack slung over his shoulder, a rather vulnerable expression on his face. He straightened up though as he noticed their eyes on him and gave them one of those broad, yet fake, smiles.

"Hi guys," he greeted them, throwing his bag carelessly into a corner. "Are we ready to grill Mr. Peanuts?"

"Not so fast," Danny replied, scrutinizing the younger man. "How did it go last night?"

"How did what go?" Tony asked distractedly, busying himself with looking at everything but Danny and Gibbs.

"Don't think I'm stupid," Danny replied and Gibbs felt his heart sink as he realized that the detective must have picked up on the vibes that Tony and he had been sending off the day before, but before he could say anything, Price had already continued, paying Gibbs no attention whatsoever. "I found the ring in your jacket two days ago and you said that last night was supposed to be special. So, what did Wendy say?"

Gibbs stared at Price for a moment, feeling his heart sink even more. Tony was engaged. There went his chances – if he ever even had them.

_Wait. What?_

When had he started to think about that? He had merely wanted to apologize and be friends with the younger man. He had never meant let something else develop between them. Hell, Gibbs was straight. He had never done anything with a man before or after Tony. It had only ever been him. So where the hell had that come from now? Subtly shaking his head, he turned to look at Tony now and saw that the younger man's cheeks had turned slightly pink as he busied himself with making a fresh pot of coffee.

"Yeah, didn't get around that."

"You didn't get around to asking her if she wanted to marry you?" Danny checked back incredulously, while Gibbs let out a breath he hadn't been aware he had been holding.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Price remained silent for a moment or two as he looked at Tony more closely and Gibbs found himself doing the same. He had noticed that the usual, or what had been usual ten years previously, energetic bundle that was Tony seemed a bit subdued this morning and Gibbs realized that it had probably not even anything to do with that Wendy girl. And why did the name sound so familiar when it came to Tony? Before Gibbs could think it through, though, Price had gotten up from his chair and approached the younger man, leaning into him a bit as if to exclude Gibbs, and then whispered, but not quietly enough because Gibbs was still able to get the gist of it.

"Did she say no?"

"No!" Tony cried out, startling some of the other detectives around them. A bit quieter, he continued after a moment. "I didn't ask her, okay?"

"Why not?"

"Something came up, okay? Let it rest."

Danny held his hands up in surrender now as he backed away and sat back down, but Gibbs didn't pay much attention to him as his eyes were still glued to Tony, who finally looked right back at him. Gibbs knew that it hadn't been something that came up, but someone and that someone had been him. Trying to get rid of the slightly fluttery in his stomach that made him think he had been reason that Tony hadn't asked his girlfriend to marry him, he cleared his throat.

"You done chitchatting now?" he asked gruffly, raising the other two men and himself from their thoughts. "I want to get moving with this peanuts character."

"On it," Tony replied just as gruffly, but with the slightest of smiles on his face, so small in fact that Gibbs almost missed it.

.

Gibbs had hoped that he could talk to the kid at some point during the day, but he found himself disappointed. Tony refused to be alone with him and whenever they had to talk to each other, he made sure to put as much distance between them as possible. Gibbs had even tried to initiate at least some kind of conversation, but Tony never responded, though that might have been due to Gibbs' almost non-existent social skills. Throughout the day, the younger man never even looked at him, never said something to him, directing his findings at Price instead. Gibbs briefly wondered if Danny was a good detective after all since he apparently failed to pick up on the tension in the air that was almost tangible.

He, himself, was getting more and more irritated as the day dwindled to a close and even though he knew that he had no right to be, he simply couldn't help it. His stomach was still running amok with him, feeling queasy whenever Tony just as much as glanced at him and his temper got shorter with every minute that passed with the younger man not acknowledging the elephant in the room. Or maybe he did and that was the reason why he kept his distance. Gibbs simply didn't know what to do and he wasn't used to that feeling. He liked control and Tony – not for the first time either, he realized – seemed to take it away from him.

.

"Don't take it personally," Danny Price said as they made their way back from a quick trip to get some coffee. "I don't know what's wrong with him today."

"Tony?" Gibbs replied, looking at the detective for a moment, trying to sound only vaguely interested.

"Yeah. He's usually Mr. Sunshine. The thing with Wendy has him off track, I guess."

Gibbs just grunted in reply and sipped from his coffee. He was pretty sure that Wendy was only part of Tony's mood, if at all, but he wouldn't confide that to Danny Price. But he was still curious about that girlfriend of Tony's, so he finally asked, still trying to mask his curiosity as small talk.

"How did they meet?"

"Tony tells me he's had a crush on her in high school," Danny laughed and shook his head. "And one time during summer break, she had asked him for dinner, but something came up, I think, and they never made it. Turns out she's living only a block away from him now and they ran into each other two years ago."

"Since high school, huh?" Gibbs asked, feeling an unknown anxiety bubble up inside of him as he finally connected the dots in his mind.

"Yeah, she was his…"

"Music teacher," Gibbs completed his sentence, suddenly remembering a conversation with Tony on their drive over to his friend's house back in the day when Jethro had asked him if he only went for guys.

"How do you know that?"

"He told me," Gibbs answered slowly. "Earlier, I mean."

He hadn't realized that she had been the one Tony had canceled on to spend more time with him all those years ago. To spend time with a mostly drunk bastard instead with the, what seemed to be, love of his life. Unconsciously, Gibbs had stopped walking now as he realized what a bastard he really was. Price had stopped, too, now and eyed him curiously.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Gibbs answered distractedly. "I just need to make a call. You go ahead. I'll catch up with you."

Gibbs watched the detective disappear around the next corner before he walked over to a nearby bench and sank down onto it. Apparently, he had been fooling himself late last night as he had promised himself to make it up to Tony. He had wanted to apologize and prove to him that he wasn't the bastard he had been ten years ago. It hadn't been until the relieved feeling had settled in after he had heard that Tony hadn't proposed that Gibbs had realized that he probably wanted more than mere friendship. What Gibbs hadn't realized before, though, was the fact that the girlfriend Tony had been talking about yesterday had been the exact same woman from all those years ago. And that was the crux of the matter. He simply couldn't do that. He couldn't get between Tony and Wendy again. He hadn't intended to, but their talk yesterday had apparently been enough for Tony to act all weird and blow off their big evening. Gibbs didn't want to come between them, not like this. The thought of backing away now almost hurt him physically, but it was the right thing to do. He had messed up enough of his own relationships to risk destroying another one he wasn't even part of. He shook his head and then got up. He would go to the station, tell Price and Tony that something had come up back at NCIS and that another agent, probably Pacci, would take over for him. It was the most prudent thing to do, even if it broke his own heart.

.

"Price, DiNozzo," he barked as soon as he entered the squad room.

The two detectives turned to look at him, in Tony's case rather fixing his glance at a point right above his head and Price raising an eyebrow in question.

"Just called my HQ, something came up. I'll be heading home to DC. Don't think we're giving up this case. Another agent will cover it for me. Don't know who that will be yet, but I'll make sure that he's read in properly."

"Okay," Price answered slowly, reaching out his hand to shake Gibbs'. "That's sudden, but it was nice to meet you."

"You, too," Gibbs answered as he fixed his glance on Tony, who had suddenly become rather pale, but was at least looking at him again.

"Nice to meet you, too, DiNozzo," Gibbs said and offered Tony his hand.

After a moment of hesitation, the younger man took the proffered hand and shook it, never uttering a single word.

"Okay, then," Gibbs finally snapped out of his headspace. "I'll get going then."

"Bye," he heard Price say, but he didn't turn around as he tried to leave the station as fast as possible.

He wished Tony would have said something, would have told him to stop or… whatever. Gibbs suddenly felt empty as he stepped out and zipped up his coat to shield himself from the cold. He had just rounded the first corner towards his hotel, feeling his eyes sting and wondering why Tony always had him off kilter like that, when he heard footsteps behind him and then felt a hand on his shoulder. He knew without turning around that it was Tony. Taking a deep breath, he slowly turned and was faced with a rather angry looking young man.

"Why are you leaving?" he asked, slightly out of breath.

"To make it easier," Gibbs just shrugged.

"For you or for me?" Tony spat out, though some of his momentum seemed to have disappeared from one moment to the next.

"For you, Tony," Gibbs replied sincerely and quietly which caused Tony's features to soften a bit.

"You think it's that easy?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Because," Tony breathed out. "I needed all my courage to come to work today and not just call in sick until you're gone. And then you just decide to walk away from this, when only yesterday you told me that there was no way in hell you'd step down from the case? What changed?"

Gibbs sighed and rubbed a cold hand over his face. Couldn't the kid just let it go? It would have been so much easier.

"I don't know," Gibbs said and meant it. "Listen, it's not like I suddenly don't want to see you anymore because," he paused for a moment and then thought what the hell, it couldn't get any worse anyway. "Because I do. But it's not worth it. You clearly don't want to see me and I get that. But that's not it."

"What is it, then?" Tony asked, looking oddly defeated all of a sudden. "Just tell me."

"Price told me about Wendy. She's the one you talked about back then, isn't she?"

Tony stared at him with wide eyes for a moment before he nodded. "Yeah."

"I'm not that stupid not to know that I threw you off course last night. You deserve to be happy, Tony and Wendy's the girl you want. So forget about what happened ten years ago and forget I've been here now. That's why I'm going. Don't want to be the reason why you are tense and acting strange."

Tony stared at him for a long time, his mouth moving but no sound coming out. Only when Gibbs had already nodded at him and had started to walk away, did Tony clear his throat.

"Wait."

"What is it?" Gibbs asked without turning around as he felt his heart pick up pace for reasons unknown.

"You don't have to do that."

"No, I do," He replied and finally faced him again. "I'm clearly doing no good here."

Tony looked at him with sad eyes and it almost made Gibbs change his mind. The younger man had the same vulnerable look on his face than ten years previously right after Jethro had hit him. Gibbs wanted to reach out, apologize and bury his face in the younger man's strong shoulder, but that would be highly inappropriate now.

"I'm sorry," Tony finally said.

"You're sorry?" Gibbs replied and shook his head. "What are you sorry for, kid? I'm the fucked-up mess, remember? I'm sorry for insisting to work with you last night. Shouldn't have done that. You just go back to Price and Wendy and forget about it all."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Gibbs replied and looked straight into Tony's green eyes again that were somehow much brighter than before.

Acting without thinking, he reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out his wallet. Without looking at the folded photo, he handed it to Tony who took it with a frown on his face.

"I want you to have it. Do whatever you want with it."

He watched Tony unfold it and then stare at it with wide eyes. He remained silent though, so Gibbs took a deep breath and then turned around again, walking away from the younger man for good.

* * *

_A/N: A review on your way out would be really awesome xD  
_


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Sorry that it took so long. I was kind of stuck, but I hope this chapter serves its purpose :) Loved the feedback from you guys. Thanks :)_

* * *

**Chapter Ten.**

_Washington, D.C., 2001._

Gibbs looked around the bullpen with a wistful expression on his face. He would never admit it verbally to anyone, but he usually loved being here. Granted, it didn't beat rushing after and catching a suspect, but it was the busy atmosphere surrounding him here that made him feel at home. Home was usually the Navy Yard these days anyway. It surely wasn't his house that was once again dark and gloomy. His latest – or soon-to-be – ex-wife had just moved out a couple of weeks ago and while Gibbs was relieved that she was gone, the silence in the house seemed to be oppressive at times. Just last night, when he had gotten home from Baltimore, it had carried the by now almost forgotten sense of impending doom again. It used to be like that right after Kelly and Shannon had been killed, but it had eased up over the years that had passed since then. Yesterday, however, Gibbs had felt like he couldn't even set a foot in there.

Part of him had wanted to stay at the hotel for another night to give Tony the chance to come visit him and talk to him, but he knew that it wouldn't happen. His insides ached at the mere thought of the younger man, but Gibbs knew that it had been the right decision to let him go. He had no business barging into his life again, had no business screwing anything up between him and his soon-to-be fiancée. It wasn't like Gibbs liked it that way, but it was the most prudent thing to do and Gibbs was old enough to see that. It didn't matter that the last two days he had spent with Tony had been better, even with the tangible tension between them, than all three of his last marriages combined. He didn't need the sex, didn't need the few sweet moments with either Stephanie or Diane and he surely didn't need the fights with them, all he really wanted was to talk to the younger man and not only apologize, but also thank him. Tony probably didn't know just how much he had helped him back then, how he had basically saved his life. Gibbs had been on the edge of telling him that the night before when he had given Tony the photograph, but he had refrained. But if he had talked to Tony about it, he certainly wouldn't have been able to walk away from the younger man.

He let out a sigh and was about to bury himself in some paperwork to distract himself when Christopher Pacci walked up to him, two files in his hand.

"Here you go, Gibbs," he said as he placed the folders onto his desk. "Price and DiNozzo. What's up with them?"

"Not sure yet," Gibbs replied, giving him a lop-sided grin.

"Gut feeling?" Pacci asked, bringing a hand to his own stomach.

"Yeah, something's not quite right," Gibbs answered, not willing to give the other agent more information. "How come you haven't taken over the case anyway?"

"Wanted to," Pacci grimaced. "But my stomach's killing me again. Guess it wouldn't be very wise to leave the indoors today. Sent Balboa instead. Hope, that's okay."

"Sure," Gibbs just replied, already opening up Tony's file. "Get better."

"Thanks. I swear, that stomach's going to be the death of me some day," Pacci just said and then went his way, leaving Gibbs alone for the moment.

He subtly shook his head and then perused Tony's file. After graduating from OSU, he had apparently been to several police departments, never quite making the two-year cut without any obvious reasons. His recommendations were numerous and all of his bosses had apparently thought the world of him and from his limited experience with him, Gibbs could tell that Tony was sharp, driven and very capable. Maybe the kid was just restless, Gibbs thought. He skipped over to the personal section of the file and skimmed it. His mother had died in a car crash when Tony had been only eleven, but Gibbs had already known that from the younger man's rant all those years ago. His father was a well-known businessman, though the file didn't reveal what kind. From what Tony had let slip back then, they hadn't exactly been on good terms and nothing in Tony's file indicated that that had changed. He had never been listed as Tony's proxy, either, Gibbs noted. He skimmed the names and realized that there were only Tony's respective partners at the force listed. Only Danny Price hadn't made the cut apparently because Wendy's name was the last one on the short list.

Gibbs shook his head again, wondering why he even cared as he closed Tony's file and went on to read Danny's. He wasn't quite sure why he wanted to. But he hadn't lied to Pacci earlier that his gut was telling him something wasn't quite right. Granted, he had only requested Tony's file for personal reasons, but his interest in Danny Price was indeed professional. He didn't want to hire him, if anything Tony would be much more qualified for the job, but there was something off about Price and if Tony's refusal to make him his medical proxy was anything to go by, Gibbs probably was on to something. There weren't any blatantly obvious signs that caught Gibbs' attention right away. It would have been pretty hard to find some anyway because he didn't even know what he was searching for in the first place. Danny had basically spent his career at Baltimore PD, apparently the model of a perfect cop. But Gibbs knew that the record was too clean. Nobody working for the police, had never overstepped one boundary or two and having met Danny, Gibbs knew that he wasn't the kind not to take any risks.

Closing the file, Gibbs placed the two folders next to his paperwork. He had no business looking into their files, had no business investigating something just because his gut told him to. But that usually didn't stop him either. He subtly shook his head, vowing to himself to get off their cases and carry on with his life and only maybe check in with Balboa at the end of the case to make sure that there really wasn't anything to investigate.

.

Gibbs walked into his house late that night. He had done more paperwork than he could remember having ever done in an attempt to distract himself from one certain detective and to avoid going home to that cold house. It was already well after midnight as he entered his kitchen without switching on the light, grabbed a bottle of beer from his fridge and then made his way down into the basement. He didn't even try to lie down on his couch and sleep because he knew that sleep wouldn't come tonight and even if he managed to fall asleep at some point during the night, he would wake up from one nightmare or another anyway. He always did when he was alone.

He switched on the light in the basement and descended the stairs, taking a sip from his beer. He looked at the almost finished boat with a pang of guilt that it would soon be burned to ashes. He still wondered why he had let Stephanie help him build it, but she had insisted and in a last attempt to save his marriage he had let her, never realizing that the peace of the basement would be lost as soon as his wife had grabbed the sander. He shook his head and then only just held back a scream as he saw someone sitting on one of the sawhorses in the back of the room. He stared at the man for a moment or two, desperately trying to get his heartbeat under control.

_What the hell?_

"Breaking and entering, are we now?" he finally managed to choke out, but that only earned him a slight scowl.

"Not sure it's breaking in if the door's unlocked," Tony answered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Gibbs looked at him more closely now. His hair was a mess just like it used to be ten years ago, the rings under his eyes told him that he hadn't slept last night and his usual restlessness had vanished for the moment if the stiff way he was sitting on the sawhorse was anything to go by.

"How do you know where I live?" Gibbs finally asked as he came to a stop in front of his workbench.

He wanted to ask so many things, wanted to tell him so many things, but he suddenly had no idea where to even start and why the heck Tony was even here now.

"I'm a cop, Leroy," Tony answered, the name only reluctantly leaving his lips. "I have my ways."

"It's Jethro," Gibbs replied. "Or Gibbs. Only my dad calls me Leroy."

"Okay, Jethro, then."

They stared at each other for a long moment until Gibbs started to fidget and averted his glance from the younger man's eyes. He was never nervous, hadn't been overly nervous the day before or when he had given Tony that picture of the two of them, but he felt jittery now. He finally took another sip from his beer before he perched himself on the workbench, eager to put as much distance between Tony and himself.

"Why are you here?" he finally broke the overwhelming silence that hovered over them.

"You're seriously asking?" Tony let out a bitter laugh. "You leave like that and you wonder why I can't just let it go?"

"Yeah?" Gibbs shot back, slightly taken aback by Tony's aggressive tone of voice.

"Okay, if you really don't know, let me make it clear for you, _Jethro_. First, you're like I won't back down from the case because it's too important. Then you suddenly decide to leave. Doesn't make much sense to me, so I follow you and you have the nerve to tell me it's because you want to make it easier for me. Are you really that self-centered to believe that it only took you showing up after ten fucking years to throw me for a loop?"

Gibbs blinked. He hadn't thought about it that way before. Tony was right, though. He had no reason to believe that it had been because of him that the younger man hadn't asked his girlfriend to marry him. But that didn't explain…

"Why are you here, then?"

"You're really clueless, are you?" Tony snorted. "I want… closure, I guess. I wouldn't have bothered, but that photo actually did throw me off course a bit, to be honest. I mean, logically I knew that you picked it up two nights ago from somewhere around here to show it to me or something, but then I realized that it wouldn't make sense coming back here if you had booked yourself into a hotel in Baltimore. So then I got to thinking why you had it with you in the first place."

Gibbs stared at him, feeling his heart sink. The kid was smart and apparently a really good investigator, too. Feeling like he owed him the truth this time, he finally shrugged.

"Had it in my wallet. And before you ask, yes, I always had it in my wallet."

"All this time?" Tony almost whispered now, his hands falling to his sides in obvious surprise.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Gibbs replied and meant it. "I knew that I screwed up when I hit you, but you already know that. But… I… uh. I don't know. I just couldn't let go of it."

They remained silent for a long time after that as they just stared at each other. Gibbs tried almost desperately to read the younger man's expression, but he wasn't able to. The green eyes were brighter than usual and his eyebrows were forming a tight line, while his lips had started to form the slightest of a smile. It was an odd expression and it didn't help to get rid of Gibbs' nervousness.

"You really are bad with words, man," Tony finally said and for a moment he sounded exactly like the carefree kid from ten years ago.

Gibbs just shrugged, waiting for the younger man to continue.

"Okay, so, you say you couldn't let go of the photo, huh? Why? I mean… was it just to remember some kid you had sex with or to piss off your wives?"

"How do you know…?"

"Please," Tony replied. "It's all in your file. Divorced two times, third one is pending. And from the looks of your house, there isn't anyone else in the picture right now either."

Gibbs just grunted as Tony stood up from where he had been sitting on the sawhorse and started to approach him.

"So, you wanted to piss them off, then?"

"No," Gibbs replied. "I just wanted to remember. I wasn't myself back then."

"You already said that," Tony said as he came to a stop directly in front of him. "But why would you like to remember a time when you were a mess?"

"To never forget what it felt like," Gibbs hesitantly answered despite himself.

Hell, he didn't want to tell the kid anything, didn't want to rip open that particular wound again. It was enough when he did that once a month whenever he had had too much bourbon and his mind would wander towards Shannon and Kelly and their deaths. He had never shared it with anyone before – well, except for that one night he had cried and Tony had managed to console him somehow.

Gibbs closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, inhaling Tony's scent. It was still a weird mixture of his spicy aftershave and hazelnut and Gibbs wondered briefly how he managed to smell exactly like he had ten years ago.

"What it felt like," he finally continued barely above a whisper as he locked eyes with Tony. "Being that lost and what it felt like being… being saved."

"Saved?" Tony replied just as quietly as he took a hesitant step towards Gibbs, so that they were mere inches apart now.

"Yeah."

"By me?" Tony asked breathlessly.

Gibbs just nodded.

"From what exactly?"

"Myself," Gibbs said. "I was this close to… And then you came along and, well, threw me off course. I suddenly realized that there was more out there than my own gloom. That's why you saved me."

Tony blinked once and twice and just when Gibbs wanted to continue, maybe tell a joke to diffuse the situation, Tony's eyes glazed over. Gibbs couldn't avert his own from the younger man's and Tony seemed to have the same problem because he just continued to stare at him so intently that Gibbs felt his heart pick up pace again. And just as Gibbs was finally able to break the eye contact and was about to step away from the younger man, Tony moved towards him, closing that last remaining gap between them and pressed his lips to Gibbs'.

The older man didn't react. He just stood there, his hands hanging loosely by his sides, his heart about to burst out of his chest. Before he could do anything, though, Tony had stepped away from him again and looked at him in silence for what seemed to be a very long time.

"Sorry," he finally mumbled and then just stepped around him and all but ran up the stairs, leaving Gibbs standing there, staring after him.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews. You are awesome. :)_

* * *

**Chapter Eleven.  
**

Gibbs was still standing there by the workbench when he heard the front door fall shut behind the younger man. It was only then that it registered what had just happened. Cursing loudly, he ran up the stairs, two at a time, and was relieved to see that Tony hadn't gotten into his car just yet as he stepped out the house.

"Tony," he shouted out as he approached him. "Wait."

Even in the dim light of the street lamps outside, he could see Tony's shoulders first stiffen up and then relax as he slowly turned around, his left hand still gripping the handle of the car door.

"What?" the younger man asked, but his voice was missing its usual edge and humor.

"Why did you kiss me?" Gibbs asked the first thing that came to his mind, even though he realized that it was a dumb question.

"Because," Tony started and then stopped for a moment, looking Gibbs deep into his eyes. "I wanted to," he finally continued. "I'm sorry, shouldn't have done that."

"Don't apologize," the older man countered. "Why did you run?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Tony let out a bitter laugh. "You certainly didn't like it. I should have known, too, because you didn't like kissing back then, either."

"That's not it," Gibbs interrupted him, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I was just surprised, that's all."

"Okay," Tony replied, a soft smile playing on his lips, but it vanished almost as soon as it had appeared.

They looked at each other for a long moment and Gibbs felt the long forgotten quiver in his gut again. He had guessed before but now he was perfectly sure that he wanted this, wanted Tony. What he didn't know, though, was what the younger man wanted. He was still staring intently at him, his hand still resting on handle, but his expression had turned from slightly surprised to obviously confused.

"I have to go," Tony finally pressed out, catching Gibbs by surprise.

"Why?"

Tony shook his head and huffed. "Wendy."

Gibbs remained silent again, but nodded. He understood. As hard as it was for him, he knew that Tony was right. It wasn't like there were no complications in their way.

"So," he eventually said when Tony still made no move to get into his car. "This is goodbye?"

It sounded stupid even to his own ears but he had no clue, what else to say.

"No," Tony reluctantly answered, finally looking into his eyes again. "I mean, I don't know. Need some time."

"Okay," Gibbs replied and nodded, feeling his heart sink.

He knew that he would stand no chance with the other man if he let him go now because who in his right mind would choose him over a stable relationship with his all-time love? But he couldn't force him to stay now, either. Tony was quite obviously confused by his own actions and needed time to figure things out, so Gibbs would have to let him be for the moment. It wasn't like Gibbs to give up a fight like that, but then again it wasn't like him pining after a man he had last seen ten years ago, either.

"That okay?" Tony's soft voice roused him from his musings.

"Yeah."

.

Gibbs had lain down on his couch and had for the better part of the night stared at the ceiling. He was confused, surprised and just a tad hopeful, but he had no idea how to handle the whole situation. He hadn't meant to get between Tony and Wendy - it had been the reason he had left Baltimore after all - but now that the possibility was there that Tony did in fact like him for more than those couple of nights ten years previously, Gibbs felt oddly helpless. The decision wasn't in his hands anymore and he wasn't sure if Tony understood just how much he had meant to him back then and how much he still did now. Gibbs sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember when he had last felt like that, helpless and hopeful all at once. It would have been on that train ride when he had met Shannon and as much as the thought should have scared him, it didn't. He didn't care that Tony was a man, didn't care that it was against everything he had lived for until now. He wanted the young detective, wanted to see him again, wanted to kiss him again and wanted to hold him again. He just couldn't do anything about it at the moment, so he would have to wait. And he swore to himself that he would be patient for once in his life.

.

He didn't hear from Tony over the next few days and his mild confidence about his situation was slowly but steadily diminishing. His mind kept on replaying that kiss in the basement and he wanted to kick himself for not kissing him back to make it clear just how much he wanted this. But it was too late now and he had promised that he would give him time to think. With each day that passed without a word from him, however, he noticed that he felt a bit lonelier. He had always liked being alone, had savored in the silence, but it had changed now. He didn't know what to do about, though, so he just buried himself in his work, occasionally checking up on his case with Baltimore PD.

.

It wasn't until Balboa all but threw a file on his desk another couple of days later with a grunted "Final statements", that Gibbs got another insight in the case, though. He quickly skimmed Danny Price's report, but nothing out of the ordinary stuck out, so he turned to Tony's. He read this one more carefully and realized that while the young man seemed to be careless at times, he was very dedicated to the job and thorough in his report. That was maybe why a short phrasing caught Gibbs' eye. It was nothing obvious, Tony, himself, probably hadn't thought anything about it, but Gibbs finally connected a few dots in his mind. Tony had reported a quick exchange between Price and the accused sailor that had apparently struck him as odd and Gibbs couldn't help but agree.

Suddenly excited, he got up from his desk, grabbed his badge and gun and then checked his watch. It was already pretty late, but he would be in Baltimore soon enough. He wasn't quite sure what exactly he wanted to do, but his suspicions apparently hadn't been that far-fetched after all. The case had been closed two days previously and Gibbs internally cursed Balboa for keeping him from reading the reports for so long, but he also knew that it was his own fault as he could have stayed on the case after all. If Gibbs was right and Price was indeed a dirty cop, he wanted to confirm it first before he would voice his accusations. He would talk to the detective, would gauge his reactions and then make a decision. He didn't want to, didn't want to barge into his life – or rather Tony's – like that again, but he felt like he had no choice. He couldn't accept it, couldn't accept cops playing dirty when it was their job to prevent exactly that.

His mind was still reeling when he parked his car in front of Price's apartment complex and just as he closed the car door behind him, a familiar looking old Mustang caught his eye. It was the same car Tony had driven to see him in Alexandria a couple of days ago. He really hadn't meant to talk to both Tony and Price and he briefly entertained the idea of driving back to DC, but he was already there and the drive was long, so it made no sense not to bite the figurative bullet of having Tony there, too. He approached the apartment now and was just about to knock when he realized that the front door wasn't fully closed. He stepped closer and could just make out Tony's voice which was full of anger and denial. Gibbs winced ever so slightly when he listened to the young detective accusing his partner of being corrupted. He could almost picture Tony's face falling when Danny didn't defend himself and just confessed. A moment of silence followed when Price asked what Tony would do about it and Gibbs held his breath when the young man answered that he didn't know. Secretly, Gibbs appreciated the fact that Tony was loyal to the bone, wasn't about to just give up on his partner like that and would maybe give him a way out.

Danny said something that Gibbs didn't quite catch because he was in thought too deeply and he then heard the back door open and close as Price left his own apartment. Gibbs waited for a moment or two, trying to decide what to do before he moved to open the door to talk to Tony. The younger man's angry voice traveled towards him.

"I'm in the shoot-first-ask-questions-later frame of mind right now."

Gibbs subtly shook his head, held up one of his hands and then slowly opened the door, seeing Tony immediately relax as he took sight of him.

"Were you following me?" he asked, letting the hand, holding the gun, sink to his side.

"Had a hunch," Gibbs replied and wanted to continue as he caught sight of Tony's expression and stopped short.

He looked haggard, the rings under his eyes more pronounced than before and he was pale beyond belief.

"What am I going to do now?" Tony finally asked barely above a whisper, looking so lost that all Gibbs wanted to do was to give him a hug.

"Not my decision to make," he answered softly.

Tony's shoulders slumped and he let out a sigh, but remained silent. They stood there for a while and Gibbs simply waited for Tony to make a decision. He didn't want to be in his shoes right now. He knew what it meant to have a partner and have his back no matter what, but he also knew what it felt like being betrayed to the core by one. So he just stood there, watching the younger man, trying to keep his own feelings at bay. Finally, the younger man straightened up and then walked towards him, the lost look still in his eyes.

"Let's go," he said quietly and led the way out of the house.

Gibbs followed him without a word and only stopped when Tony had already unlocked his car.

"You really have a way to turn my world upside down, you know that?" the younger man said, a slight edge to his voice all of a sudden. "I mean, I know it's not your fault that Danny's a… dirty cop and all, but ever since you've turned up, I can't sleep, can't think straight and the hits just keep on coming."

"I'm sorry," Gibbs apologized even though he didn't really know what for.

"No, not your fault for once," Tony said, shaking his head. "It's all my mess. I should have just asked Wendy to marry me earlier. I should have never trusted Danny like I did. And I should have never kissed you."

Gibbs took a step backwards at that, feeling like he had just been punched in the stomach. He hoped his face didn't show though, as he shook his head and ran a hand through his short-cropped hair.

"If it means anything to you," he finally said, wondering why he couldn't keep his mouth shut with Tony. "I'm not sorry you kissed me."

Even in the darkness outside, Gibbs could see Tony's eyes glaze over and before Tony could hide them, Gibbs was able to see the first tears run down his cheeks. Throwing all caution to the winds, Gibbs stepped closer and then took Tony's face into his hands, softly wiping away the tears with his thumbs. Tony just let him, staring at him so intently that Gibbs lost track of what he wanted to tell him only seconds before. His eyes flickered from the younger man's eyes to his lips and up to his eyes again and seeing no resistance in them, he leaned in and kissed him. Tony's lips were still as soft as he remembered them, he still tasted like hazelnut and when Gibbs' tongue traced the younger man's lips, he opened up easily and without hesitation. Soon enough their tongues met up as they explored each other's mouths thoroughly. All coherent thought had left Gibbs as soon as his lips had touched Tony's and all he wanted to do was to stay like that forever. His arms came around Tony's hips and just as he was about to draw him closer, he felt the younger man stiffen up and then break their kiss.

"No," Tony whispered fervently, looking away from him. "No, I can't do this. I love Wendy, I can't keep doing this to her."

Gibbs felt his heart sink and his pulse quicken, but remained silent as he waited for Tony to continue.

"You can't just come back into my life like that after all these years and especially when I had finally almost, somehow forgotten about you and do this to me. You can't do this. I can't do this. You know what I'm going to do? I'll get into my car and drive home. I'll tell Wendy about Danny, hear out her opinion and then decide what I'm going to do with him. I won't think about you, won't think about what we were just doing… I need to go. I'm sorry, but I need to."

Gibbs stared at him for a moment, trying to say something, trying to do something to make him stay, but he couldn't bring himself to even move a muscle. Tony was right after all, he had no right to destroy his life like that, had no right to claim him as his own. He would have to let him go. As if in trance, he felt himself nod once. Tony did the same, opened the door to his car and got in.

"I'm sorry," he said again, but Gibbs just shook his head.

"Don't be," he all but whispered as he leaned down ever so slightly to be on the same level than the other man. "You deserve to be happy, Tony. So, go."

"You're not mad?"

"No," Gibbs shook his head, then straightened himself and with one last look at Tony, whose cheeks were wet with tears by now, he walked over to his own car, got in, started it and then drove away, aware of the fact that Tony's eyes followed his every move.

.

A couple of hours later he walked down into the basement, only now realizing that he hadn't been down there since Tony had been there. He subtly shook his head, trying to redirect his thoughts from the younger man and their latest encounter as he grabbed the bourbon. Not bothering to empty a jar of nails, he took a sip straight from the bottle. The liquid burned down his throat and it somehow helped to ease the pain in his chest somewhat. He walked over to the sawhorse at the far end of the room and sat down on it. He stared into space for a couple of minutes, forcing himself to think about a new project after he'd burned the boat that was currently taking up the space in his basement. He loved building them, but maybe it was time for something different. Just as he ran through the various options, feeling slightly better at the prospect of a new beginning, a piece of paper that was lying on the floor caught his eye.

He bent down and picked it up, only now realizing that it was Polaroid. He turned it over, expecting it to be the one of him and Tony that he had given the younger man the other day, but then sucked in a breath as he realized that it wasn't the same one. It had been taken outside and it showed Tony and him on the basketball court all those years ago. Tony had his arm around him, a smirk on his face, but it wasn't their apparent closeness that caught Gibbs by surprise now but his own expression. He was smiling broadly at the younger man and nothing indicated that he had been about to kill himself only three days previously. He looked simply happy, happy to be there, happy to laugh, happy to be with the other man. Gibbs had no idea who had taken that picture or why Tony had it with him when he had come to visit him a couple of days ago. All he knew was that it was faded as if it had been looked at one too many times – just like the one of him and Tony in that hotel room right before their fight.

Had Tony actually treasured that photo just like Gibbs had done? And what did it mean?

Or… had he blown yet another chance? Tony had made it very clear that he wanted him gone from his life once and for all and Gibbs had been determined to give him his wish, but could he still do it now that he knew that Tony maybe, somehow, somewhat might have felt exactly like he had all those years?

* * *

_A/N: Yes? No? Maybe? ;-)  
_


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Thanks again for your reviews! :) You guys made my day!  
This next chapter is probably a bit disjointed, but I needed it to keep things moving, so I hope you still like it. If you don't, let me know anyways, I'm always open for suggestions. Thanks ;)  
_

* * *

**Chapter Twelve.**

Over the next couple of days Gibbs checked the internal police records for any sign that Tony had called Price's corruption in, but couldn't find anything. Would Tony really be able to work with him even though he knew that he had lied to him for almost two years? Gibbs knew that he, himself, wouldn't be even able to look him in the eye, let alone have him watch his six, but maybe Tony could deal with it after all. Gibbs wasn't quite sure why the thought had him feeling sick to his gut, though. Maybe he simply didn't like the fact that Tony couldn't trust the guy, who was supposed his partner, anymore. He didn't know, but it was enough to justify his own need to check up on the young detective from time to time.

He had dialed his number more than once these last couple of days, but hadn't managed to press the call button. He really wanted to, but Tony had made it abundantly clear that he didn't want any contact with him. Gibbs knew that he had done nothing wrong and that Tony had just been confused, but that didn't mean that he hadn't meant what he had said. If Tony really wanted to make things right with Wendy, Gibbs had no business destroying their relationship. As much as he wanted the younger man, he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize Tony's happiness. So he had refrained from calling, from contacting him in any way, knowing that the uneasiness in his gut about it all would ease up a little bit with time.

.

Gibbs' hand hovered over the beer in his fridge for a moment before he subtly shook his head and grabbed a bottle of water instead. The more his thoughts were centered on Tony, the need to drink became more pronounced, but he wouldn't give in. Drinking had never solved any problem and Tony had made him see all those years ago that it was in fact the cause of many, many problems. It wasn't like Gibbs planned to stay sober for all times to come because he needed the booze sometimes when the memories of Shannon and Kelly became too overwhelming to deal with. Gibbs knew, though, that the resolve not to call Tony would disappear as soon as he had the slightest of buzzes going and he wasn't keen on breaking his own promise.

He took a sip from his water as his eyes landed on the faded photograph of him and Tony that he had pinned to the fridge. He felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips and he shook his head. If anybody would see him - the hard-ass, bastard of a former Marine – like that, they would have to rethink their perception of him. He liked his reputation, it made many things easier and only Abby got to see his softer side from time to time. Nobody knew about his past, except for Mike, and he liked to keep it that way. Nobody had seen him on the edge to killing himself ten years previously, nobody even guessed that the loss of his girls had made him the man he was nowadays. His other wives had known about them of course, but they had never bothered to really get to the depth of his feelings for them. Diane had certainly tried and at times Gibbs had even felt like he could actually talk to her, but just when he was about to confide in her, she had wandered off, fed up with his apparent inability to talk. Gibbs had let her go, knowing that it was smarter this way.

With Mike gone and nobody else knowing about Kelly and Shannon, Gibbs had at times felt more alone than he ever could remember. And just when he had been about losing himself to the bourbon or to work, Tony had shown up again with that big grin and those expressive green eyes that made Gibbs still weak in the knees. He didn't get it. He had no clue what it was that made him feel so at home with the other man. It wasn't only his attraction to him, it wasn't only his humor and it wasn't only the fact that Gibbs knew he couldn't have him like he wanted.  
But maybe that was it. He wanted to see him again, wanted to talk to him again and even if he couldn't have him like he wished, he still wanted to be in contact with him. Would Tony be up for being just his friend? Would they be able to get past all the insecurities, all the feelings, all the lies?

Gibbs walked over into the living room and then pulled out a drawer of the closet. He had used to keep it locked when his wives had lived here with him, but that wasn't necessary anymore. He traced his fingers over a photograph of Shannon and him before he pulled out a piece of paper. Kelly had drawn them in front of their house and it had been one of the last ones she had sent to him before they died. Usually, it pained Gibbs just to look at it, but tonight he smiled and then took it with him into the kitchen. He stared at it for a moment longer, feeling something settle inside him. He pulled one of the magnets from the fridge now before he pinned it back to it, this time holding Kelly's drawing securely to the door. It looked good there, Gibbs realized and he traced his fingers over it again, wishing that he could still have them with him. He knew that it would never happen, had accepted it long ago, but maybe it was time to actually move on. He would never become happy again if he didn't let them go to a certain degree.

In a moment of pure clarity, Gibbs suddenly averted his glance from the drawing and fixed it on the photo Tony had left in his basement. Maybe letting go had to do with the younger man. Maybe he was exactly what Gibbs needed now. And if that only meant being friends with the kid, it would be alright with him. He would just need to find a way to talk to him again, would need to find a way to explain to him that he really needed him in his life right now…

.

A couple of weeks passed and Gibbs still had no idea what to say or do. He needed a reason to call him, he knew that, otherwise Tony wouldn't hear him out, but he couldn't think of anything plausible. So he had let the days and weeks pass without a solution to his dilemma. Both Abby and Ducky had called him out on his off-behavior, but he had just shrugged and mumbled something about stress at work. It had satisfied them for the moment, but he knew that they wouldn't tolerate him like that for too long.

.

Two weeks later, Gibbs felt his heart speed up as he read the usual police internal affairs reports. He had made a habit of checking them out at least once a day and finally the name DiNozzo had caught his eye. What he hadn't expected, though, was that the young detective would resign and not accuse his partner of being a dirty cop. Gibbs' respect for the man rose and at the same time he despised Price even more for allowing Tony to do that to himself.

Before Gibbs could think about what he was doing, he had grabbed his cell phone and dialed the number he knew by heart by now, so often had he dialed it these last couple of weeks. This time, though, he actually pushed the call button and listened to the couple of rings before the call went to voicemail. Gibbs internally shrugged as he listened to Tony's message, unable to hold back a slight smile. Damn, it was good to hear his voice again.

"Hey Tony," he finally said after the beep. "This is… Jethro. I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I, uh," Gibbs paused for a moment, looking around the bullpen to make sure nobody heard him talk like that. "I've heard about your resignation and I, uh… I mean," he stopped again, wondering why in the world he was almost stuttering now. "I'm about to become lead of the MCRT and I'm a couple of agents short. I mean… I don't know. If you're interested at all, just drop by sometime at the Navy Yard… or give me a call."

He ended the call and shook his head. What the hell was wrong with him? Had he really just somehow offered Tony a job? He replayed his message in his head and realized that he had probably nothing to worry about anyway. There was no way Tony would take him up on his offer, not like that. He surely wouldn't do it, would he?

.

A couple of days had passed since the infamous phone call, but Tony hadn't called back. Gibbs didn't hold up any hope that he would either. His message had been such a mess and he hadn't explained himself at all, so he couldn't even blame the younger man for not showing up.  
Only an hour earlier, Director Morrow had once again asked who he wanted to bring on board for the newly formed MCRT that Gibbs would be leading. He still had no idea, had only read a few applications so far. Tom had urged him get going with it as it was only a couple of more weeks away now. So here he was now, sitting at his desk, perusing a couple of files. No one had stuck out as extraordinary so far, but Gibbs would have to deal with that, he had once been a probie, too, after all. He had just started to read the file of one Vivian Blackadder when the ding of the elevator interrupted his thoughts. He looked up and then felt his heart miss a beat as he saw none other than Tony DiNozzo himself stepping out of the elevator. He was wearing tight jeans and a leather jacket. The grin on his face as he looked around the bullpen was broad and yet Gibbs knew it to be fake at once. Trying to keep the happiness that threatened to bubble up inside of him in check, Gibbs stood up and approached him just as he pulled off his sunglasses.

"I got it," Jethro said to the agent who had accompanied Tony up here.

Tony looked at him, his expression unreadable, so Gibbs decided to play it cool and simply walked right by him.

"You made it," he said.

"Yeah," Tony replied, still grinning at him. "Wow, I'm not a big fan of the orange and the glare of that skylight is ridiculous."

Gibbs didn't say anything, just crooked his finger to indicate Tony to follow him. He did him the favor and Gibbs took a deep breath, trying to keep his heartbeat in check. He was suddenly nervous and even though he had played out the scenario in his head a hundred times, he didn't quite know what to say now.

"You're not going to ask?" Tony asked after a while as they had rounded the last corner to their destination.

"No," Gibbs just replied, not knowing what exactly Tony was zeroing in on. The job or Danny?

"I'll leave it alone," the younger man continued nonetheless. "It was wrong, way wrong."

"He's your partner," Gibbs conceded, catching up on what Tony was thinking about.

"Ex-partner," Tony interrupted him. "I'm not going back to Baltimore. Can't. But you already knew that."

They stopped now and Gibbs took a moment to look at the younger man more closely. The wall he had drawn up around him when he had first entered the bullpen mere minutes ago was gone - as was his bravado. He looked defeated somehow and Gibbs couldn't blame him. It must have been a really tough decision to make.

"You probably think I'm stupid," Tony finally said barely above a whisper.

"No, I don't," Gibbs replied. "You're loyal and he was your partner. I get that."

"You do?"

"Yeah," he answered thoughtfully. "A partner of mine screwed up once. Not as big as Price did, but she certainly managed to get us into a jam. I helped, we parted ways."

"You never reported her?" Tony asked, his eyes finally meeting Gibbs'.

"No," Jethro replied, once again wondering why it was so easy to confide things like that in Tony. "There are rumors that she might make director in a couple of years."

"Wow," Tony just said and Gibbs nodded, trying not to think of the day when Director Shepard would become reality.

"You meant what you said on the phone?" Tony interrupted his train of thought. "I mean about offering me a job?"

"Just trying to make sure you don't break rule five," Gibbs replied nonchalantly, unable to actually say the word that he really needed Tony in his life again.

"Rule five?" Tony checked back. "I only know one and two."

Gibbs snorted and shook his head, glad that Tony was at least joking about it.

"Yeah, those, uh, got changed over the years."

"To what?" Tony asked, a real smile finally appearing on his face.

"Number one's 'Never screw over your partner' and the other one's 'Always wear gloves at a crime scene'."

"Kinda boring that last one, Jethro," Tony grinned.

"You won't say that if you forget it one time and almost compromise the entire investigation."

"Duly noted," Tony said, his expression turning serious again as he fixed the older man with a mild glare. "So what was that about rule five?"

"You don't waste good," Gibbs said, stepping a bit closer. "And you're good."

"Thanks," Tony replied seriously and then let his glance follow Gibbs' outstretched finger.

He turned around and read the 'Agent Applicant Division' sign on the door for a second before he turned towards Gibbs again.

"You really want to hire me? No strings attached?"

"Yeah," Gibbs replied sighing. "You really are good and I would be glad if you joined my team. I don't mean to barge into your life in any other way, Tony. I promised I wouldn't, so I don't. It's up to you. I certainly could use someone like you here."

"Someone like me?"

"Yeah, a good cop, someone who follows a hunch when it's needed. You've got great people skills, which I'm lacking. Could come in handy with suspects."

"You want me for my skills as an investigator?" Tony checked back incredulously, even though Gibbs could see his shoulders relax at the same time.

"Listen Tony," Gibbs answered barely above a whisper and looked around for a moment, making sure that they were still alone in that hallway. "I'm not going to lie. I wanted to see you again, but not because I want to get between you and Wendy or anything. I like you and I think you're the best man for the job. That's all. No string attached."

Thoughtfully, Tony looked at him for a moment, biting his bottom lip before he visibly straightened up and nodded. "Okay."

"Okay," Gibbs replied and couldn't help the smile on his lips.

He pointed towards the door to Human Resources behind Tony again and then slowly walked away from him, feeling a rock falling from his heart. Maybe this would work after all…

Just when he was about to round the corner, Tony all but shouted at him, causing him to stop for a moment.

"Did I mention you're a devious man, Jethro?"

Gibbs snorted and then started to walk again, quickly glancing back at Tony who was openly smiling at him now.

"Boy, I got vision," Gibbs said. "And the rest of the world is wearing bifocals."

He heard Tony laugh out loud and chanced one more look at the kid, feeling better than he could remember in years.

"And here I thought you didn't like movies," Tony said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Butch Cassidy. That's nice."

Gibbs just nodded at him and then finally stepped out of eyeshot, wondering if he had actually managed to do the right thing for once. Maybe this was the beginning of a good partnership, all feelings aside. He would have to learn to deal with them, but if this brief encounter with the younger man was anything to go by, he certainly could do it. He already felt better about himself than he had in weeks. He wasn't quite as lonely all of a sudden and he really did look forward to work with Tony. Maybe becoming partners would also lead to becoming friends. Granted, he had no idea how Tony actually felt, but the fact that he had kept that picture of him and Gibbs for so long had to mean something. If it didn't mean that Tony had occasionally thought of their time together, Gibbs simply would have to find out what it was all about. And if Tony really wanted the job, Gibbs would have all the time in the world to find out after all.

For the first time in years, Gibbs was sure that things would work out eventually.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! :-)  
_

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen.**

"Abby called. Get down there and see what she wants," Gibbs all but barked at Tony who sat across from him.

"Alone?" the younger man asked, wincing ever so slightly.

Gibbs fixed him with his patented Gibbs glare, but Tony just looked back at him steadily, so Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

"You've been working here for almost a month, DiNozzo," he finally said. "Don't you think it's time to stop being afraid of her?"

Tony just raised an eyebrow at him, but Gibbs knew that the younger agent had his reservations when it came to Abby. He didn't know what it was exactly, but Tony would always stand behind Gibbs whenever they were down in the lab, making sure that there was as much space between him and Abby as possible. Abby, in return, seemed to only just tolerate him and Gibbs was even more confused about that because she basically liked everybody and he had never seen her behave like that towards anybody before. Gibbs had briefly entertained the idea that she might have been romantically interested in Tony, but he had discarded that particular idea pretty quickly. He wasn't her type at all. Besides, it wasn't like Tony wasn't taken anyway. He redirected his thoughts from Wendy to the present quickly, not wanting to be caught daydreaming in the office and least of all by Tony. He had promised not to ask about Tony's private life, so he wouldn't. He was a man of his word after all.

"Please, I'm not afraid of her," Tony answered indignantly now. "I just don't like the way she's looking at me. Like I'm the most disgusting thing on earth."

"Don't be ridiculous," Gibbs replied gruffly, all the time knowing that Tony was probably right. "Get down there, now."

"On it, boss," the young man said defeated and finally stood up, slowly walking towards the elevator.

Gibbs watched him go, vowing to himself that he'd stop by at Abby's before he went home that night, making sure that she would treat the kid better.  
Despite the Goth's obvious dislike for Tony, the first month had gone by well. Tony had passed the FLETC with flying colors and had settled at NCIS pretty quickly. He was professional when it came to the cases and annoying when it came to his movie references that Gibbs rarely ever understood. Ducky, however, had pointed out that it certainly didn't hurt having someone to distract Gibbs from the sometimes horrifying cases and Gibbs couldn't help but to agree. He found himself being more satisfied at work, found himself more balanced somehow and he had come to realize that hiring Tony had been a good idea, despite their complicated history. He didn't regret it, that was for sure, even if he sometimes wished they could be more than just boss and junior agent.

He sighed and then went back to their suspect's bank accounts to look for anything suspicious. A couple of minutes later, he finally found what he had been looking for and made his way down to Abby's lab to ask her for help as she was better than him with all the new computer stuff. He was just about to enter her lab when Tony's voice traveled towards his ears and caught his attention, so that he stopped, careful not to trigger the doors to open up and reveal his whereabouts.

"Can I ask," Tony said calmly to Abby who had her back to him. "What your problem is with me? I mean, I wouldn't care much, but Gibbs wouldn't let it rest, so…"

Abby slowly turned around now, her hands on her hips.

"You don't care if I like you?"

"No," Tony sighed, his shoulders visibly slumping. "That's not what I said, Abby. I do care, but I get that some people just don't like others. That's okay, but I really would like to know what's wrong with me because you seem to like everyone else here."

Abby remained silent and Gibbs winced ever so slightly as he saw the look on her face now. He had never seen her like that, but while he was still thinking about it, her features softened ever so slightly. Tony seemed to realize that, too, because his shoulders started to relax.

"It's not like I don't like you," she finally answered. "It's just… I don't know anything about you. You talk so much, but never say anything about yourself. All I know is that Gibbs picked you up at Baltimore and that you like movies. That's about it. How can I possibly trust you to have Gibbs' back when I know nothing about you? I know he likes you otherwise he wouldn't have picked you over all the others, but what I don't know is _why_. Gibbs is special and he usually doesn't like anybody at all. But ever since you've gotten here, he's in such a good mood. I don't say that it's obvious, but he actually smiles like twice a week now. You might not realize it, but that's huge for the bossman."

"So you don't like me because Gibbs likes me - which by the way is totally ridiculous because he's being a bastard with me all the time?" Tony asked, his tone of voice impatient, but Gibbs hadn't missed the slight edge to it.

He couldn't blame him, either. Did Gibbs really smile more often ever since Tony had started to work for him? He had tried to act like he always did, he had been gruff to the kid, had ordered him around and had even head slapped him a couple of times. So when had Abby caught up on the fact that he was indeed glad to have him around?

"No," Abby's voice roused him from his thoughts. "That's just how Gibbs' shows his love," Abby chuckled before she turned serious again. "I just don't know what to do with you, yet."

"And I can change that how?"

"Tell me about yourself. Like, for instance… do you have a girlfriend, fiancée, wife? Why did you join the force? Where do you live?"

Tony snorted and for a moment Gibbs was sure that it had been the wrong thing to do, but then Abby smiled at him and he knew that she might get over her dislike for Tony pretty soon as long as the young man wouldn't lie to her.

"I once saved a kid from a fire and it felt good to be able to help people, you know. And as I'm not likely to be bitten by a radioactive spider and turn into some kind of superhero that basically just left being a cop. That's why I joined the force. For the other questions," Gibbs could almost hear the grin fade from Tony's face now and he inched closer in hopes to actually see his face, but it was to no avail. "No, I don't have a girlfriend. We broke up about a month ago. She was supposed to move here with me, but well… didn't work out. So I have this huge apartment that desperately needs some paint all for myself over in Alexandria."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Abby replied quietly now as she tilted her head to look more closely at the young man.

"Yeah, well," Tony dismissed it. "Things happen. It's okay."

"It will be," Abby said and then all but jumped forwards and enveloped him in a tight hug.

Tony stumbled backwards in surprise before he pulled his arms around her. Gibbs could see his shoulders shaking and could hear him laugh softly. He stepped away from the door and leaned against the closed metallic doors of the elevator. Had Tony really ended his relationship with Wendy? And what did that mean for him? He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't entertain thoughts about himself and Tony ever again, would let them rot in hell for all times to come. But that had always included the fact that Tony was still with Wendy, which had apparently changed now. And what was that about having moved to Alexandria? Gibbs realized that it was probably in the kid's file now, but he hadn't bothered to read it over since he had started working for him. Was he living really that close to him and had never told him?

Gibbs shook his head and then finally got going again, knowing that it would be no use thinking about stuff like that at work. He walked through the doors into Abby's lab now and then stopped short as he saw Abby and Tony still hugging tightly.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked briskly as they let go of each other.

"This is not what it looks like, boss," Tony hurried to explain, a slight blush creeping up his cheeks which caused Gibbs to smirk ever so slightly.

"Looks like you two finally sorted things out."

"Yes, we did," Abby answered, smiling at him broadly. "And in order to celebrate that, I decided to help Tony paint his new apartment."

"You did?" Tony asked slightly surprised, causing Gibbs to chuckle again.

"Yup. You in, too, bossman?"

Gibbs stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. He had promised not to barge into Tony's life. Would helping him paint his apartment violate the newly drawn boundaries between them? Gibbs turned to look at the younger man who was still a bit pink in the face and at his shrug, he did the same.

"Sure," he finally answered.

"Awesome," Abby cheered before she hugged him tightly. "It will be so much fun, I love painting."

"Right," Gibbs just said and then cleared his throat. "Back to work people. Abby, I got Robinson's bank account here…"

.

Gibbs watched Abby and Tony joke around two days later. It was a Saturday and for once they weren't on call. They had painted most of Tony's new apartment in the last couple of hours and while Gibbs was slowly but steadily getting tired of it, the other two had become sillier with every hour that had passed. Right now they were involved in a serious paint war and Gibbs had no idea how they would ever get the paint out of their hair again. Tony's face was almost completely white by now and just when Gibbs was about to bark at them to get back to work again, the young man turned and fixed him with a mischievous look.

"Oh, no," Gibbs said hastily, trying to get his heartbeat under control like every time Tony actually made eye contact with him these days. "Don't you dare."

"Yeah, Tony," Abby said giggling. "Trust me, Gibbs has quick reflexes. One drop of color on his face and he'll have you pinned to the ground with no way for you to escape."

Tony just snorted, not the least intimidated. If anything, his grin had just gotten wider.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs growled, trying to hide his own grin and to get rid of the sudden images that formed in his head about the time when Tony had him pinned down on the bed in that hotel room over ten years ago.

"Fine," Tony replied, holding up his hands in surrender, his eyes still locked on Gibbs'. "I'll behave, but just because…"

"Because what?" Abby chuckled, dumping her brush into the paint bucket.

"I'm in a forgiving mood today," Tony answered distractedly, still staring at Gibbs with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Well, you should be. We've helped you paint. But I'm done now," Abby declared, apparently oblivious to the sudden tension in the air. "And I'll get going, have a date tonight."

"Okay," Tony answered, finally turning towards her. "Thanks for helping. I owe you a drink or two."

"I'll take you up on that, Mister," she said, smiling and pointing a finger at him.

She hugged them both goodbye, managing to get paint all over Gibbs' sweatshirt which had been stainless before. He didn't complain though, he never did with Abby after all. He watched Tony accompany her to the door to see her out as he washed out the brushes. His pulse had suddenly quickened as he realized that it would be the first time he was alone with Tony outside of work. He had no clue what to talk about or what to say to him. Should he just leave, making sure not to overstep any invisible line between them? And what had that look between them meant?

"Thanks for helping me out," Tony's voiced interrupted his train of thought.

Gibbs looked up from where he was kneeling in front of the bucket to see Tony casually leaning against the doorframe.

"No problem."

"Isn't it?" Tony challenged as Gibbs stood up, drying his hands on his already ruined sweater.

"Should it be?"

"No," Tony replied, smiling at him ever so slightly. "Was just surprised you agreed so easily."

Gibbs remained silent, watching the other man carefully. He wanted to tell him that he loved spending time with him and that he would do just about anything to see him, but he bit his tongue and stayed silent until Tony finally let out a sigh and started to talk again.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"I don't know. This thing you do. At work you're that bastard of a boss who's rude to everyone and everything around him and I think I get it. It keeps us on our toes and gets the job done. But every time you're around Abby or off work, I suppose, you're a completely different man. Why do you do that?"

Gibbs let out a sigh and almost imperceptibly shook his head. He hadn't realized he had been doing it, but now that he thought about it, he knew Tony's words to be true. He had been so busy with not showing any signs that he did in fact like Tony that he had unintentionally shown him the cold shoulder, making it clear not to approach him on a more personal level.

"Didn't mean to," he finally replied, once again feeling unable to lie to the kid. "Was just trying to stay away from… your life."

"Why?" Tony asked quietly now.

"Promised, didn't I?"

"Guess so," Tony replied thoughtfully. "But when I asked for no strings attached I didn't meant that you were supposed to be a bastard to me all the time."

"What did you mean, then?" Gibbs asked, growing more confused by the second.

"I don't know," Tony shrugged, his cheeks once again reddening ever so slightly. "I thought that maybe we could be… friends, I guess."

"Friends, huh? That's all you want?" Gibbs checked back before he could stop himself, feeling slightly light-headed by now. _Must be the fumes of the paint…_

"Yeah," Tony replied distractedly as he stared out the window behind Gibbs. "Friends."

"Then why did you break up with Wendy?" Gibbs inquired, knowing that he was treading into uncharted waters now.

Tony stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face before he shook his head and walked over towards the other paint bucket and all but threw his brush into it. He still wasn't looking at Gibbs when he finally answered.

"I… realized she probably wasn't the one."

"How come?" Gibbs asked softly, knowing that one wrong word would revert them back into boss and junior agent mode.

"You know the saying… something like… if you want two people at the same time, you're definitely not in love with the first because otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for the second one?"

"Yeah," Gibbs answered slowly, his heart picking up pace again.

Was Tony really telling him what he thought he was?

"So, yeah, that's basically it. Don't think I broke up with her just because of the possibility of…" he broke off for a moment, running a hand through his hair and messing it up even more. "There was other stuff, too. Like she didn't get why I didn't snitch Danny to the captain or why I wanted to start working for NCIS."

"I'm sorry."

"No," Tony answered decisively as he finally turned around to look at him. "It had nothing to do with you."

"But you said…" Gibbs started, but was interrupted.

"I know what I said. And I meant it, too. But I know it's not going to happen right now. Listen… So much is changing right now. New job, new apartment, new friends and everything. It's too much right now."

Gibbs stared at him, feeling like he had been dipped into ice-cold water. He had no idea what Tony was zeroing in right now, but he knew that it wasn't likely to be anything good for him.

"I have to adapt, okay?" Tony continued after a while when Gibbs remained silent. "I didn't break things up with Wendy because of you. Granted, you got me off track for a while there, but then I realized that I really, really wanted this job and when Wendy didn't understand, I figured I had to do what was best for me. I don't know if that makes me an ass or not and I don't care. Most of my life I did what everybody else told me to do, but I'm done with that now. I wanted this job with you, so I took it despite our… whatever this is. But that doesn't mean I'm over everything. I thought I loved Wendy. Hell, I would've married her if you hadn't come along. I'm not blaming you or anything, though, and I'd lie to you if I said there's nothing between us. But I'm not ready to face it just yet, okay? I'll need some time… that is if you actually want..."

Gibbs blinked twice and then straightened himself, trying to get rid of an odd mixture of feelings. He was sad for the kid, was excited about the prospect of actual feelings on Tony's side and the dread that he might never be ready.

"I don't know, Tony," he answered, trying to get eye contact and finally getting it when Tony looked up. "Like you said, it's complicated. But if it means anything to you, I'll be… you know, there. For whatever. As a friend or your boss. Whatever you need."

"Appreciate it," Tony answered, beaming at him happily.

"Maybe I'm not that much of a bastard after all, huh?" Gibbs attempted to joke, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

"Oh, you are," Tony gave back, smiling openly at him. "And don't ever change that."

.

Later that night as Gibbs was lying on his couch, trying to fall asleep, he still wasn't quite sure if he was supposed to be happy or devastated by the turn of events. He usually wasn't one to brood over things like that, as he normally just took action to avoid any deeper thinking, but he couldn't do that this time. He would have to wait and see what Tony wanted – if he even wanted anything.

But Gibbs knew one thing for sure: he would wait – no matter what.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Thanks for your feedback. I hope you'll stick with the story for a little while longer :-)  
_

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**Chapter Fourteen.**

Gibbs picked up a sander and threw it at the far wall of the basement. Damn it, he was frustrated as hell and didn't even know why. Or well, he did know why, but wasn't willing to acknowledge it just yet. It had been three months since they had painted Tony's apartment and if Gibbs had hoped that things would get easier after that, he saw himself proven wrong. If anything, the tension had only increased between Tony and himself and he didn't know what to do about it. Not only once had he been about to invite the younger man over for steaks, but he had always refrained, not knowing whether it was too soon or too much. He had no clue where they were standing and it frustrated him to no end. The fact that his mind would show him various scenes from ten years ago in bed with Tony every time he fell asleep didn't help either. Whenever he woke up from one of those, he was hard and leaking, but he refused to give into the pressure. He wouldn't jerk off to thoughts about his junior agent however tempting these thoughts were.

And that was maybe why he was so damned frustrated all the time. Ducky had pulled him aside today at work and bluntly asked what was up with him, but he had just waved it off and told him about their latest case, which had been awful to say the least. Ducky had eyed him suspiciously, but hadn't striven to continue their conversation about Gibbs' foul mood for which the younger man had been eternally grateful. He hadn't lied entirely, though. The case had been hideous and they had needed two weeks to finally catch the killer. Tony had never complained, but his mood, very alike Gibbs', had decreased noticeably over the last couple of days. Gone were the movie references, the silly jokes and, worst of all, his smile. Gibbs couldn't help but realize that he found himself missing the cheerful young man. By now, he was so used to his endless chatter that he couldn't remember a time without it. It wasn't for the first time that he realized that he had been falling even harder for Tony than he had before.

Gibbs let himself lean against the frame of his boat and took another sip from the jar of bourbon. He hated feeling like that when he knew there was nothing to be done about it. Also, he could still feel his heart stop when he thought about the short minute when their killer had pointed his gun at Tony's head in the last attempt to escape. It hadn't taken more than a second for Gibbs to fire at the guy, effectively ending his life without a second thought. He'd do it again if it meant to keep Tony safe. He'd never forget the look on Tony's face right after Gibbs had shot him, surprise, fear and thankfulness replacing his usual cockiness. He had given Gibbs a tentative smile before he became all business again, taking care of the crime scene like nothing had happened. Gibbs, however, had taken a bit longer to snap out of his headspace. He knew that Tony was just faking his casualness and he could see the stiffness of his shoulders but he didn't know what to say to him to make it better, so he had gone along with it. He had been glad that Abby had decided to drag Tony out for a couple of drinks that night, even asking if Gibbs wanted to come, too, but one look at the younger man who was staring at him with darker than usual eyes had made him shake his head. He would have to deal with the rejection and he'd maybe get over it somehow… in the end.

.

A couple of hours later Gibbs was just about to turn off his television when he heard stumbling footsteps outside his front door. He switched on the light again and reached for his gun as the door opened and Tony tripped inside, obviously drunk.

"Hi boss," he drawled, grinning like the Cheshire cat as he leaned against the doorframe.

Gibbs looked at him for a moment as he got up from the couch and approached him. He looked very drunk, his shirt was buttoned the wrong way and his hair was a mess. His eyes were red and he was swaying ever so slightly despite the fact that he was just leaning there. Gibbs took hold of his arm and then carefully guided him to his couch without a word.

"What are you doing here, DiNozzo?" he asked gruffly as he sat down next to him, managing to not sound too exasperated.

"Wanted to see you," Tony slurred, running a hand down his face. "You should have come with us. Abby and me, I mean. It was fun."

"Didn't think you wanted me to," Gibbs replied before he could think about it and Tony turned to look at him.

"I always want you there," he answered softly and barely above a whisper. "Wouldn't have gotten into all the trouble with you there, that's for sure."

"What kind of trouble?" Gibbs asked, suddenly feeling wide awake. "Is Abby okay?"

"Relax," Tony chuckled before he hiccupped. "Abby's fine. Only my trouble. I'm pretty sure Abby knows I'm bi now."

"How come?" Gibbs asked, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach at the prospect of another man with Tony.

"Don't know," Tony hiccupped again. "I think the fact that I went home with her friend Marcus might have tipped her off."

Gibbs remained silent, forcefully trying to relax his hands that had balled into fists. His glance landed on Tony's shirt again and he felt anger and jealousy build up inside of him. Why the hell was he telling him about this?

"Why are you here now, then?" he finally managed to press out, causing Tony's head to jerk up from where it had been resting on the backrest of the couch.

"Huh?"

"How drunk are you?" Gibbs asked rhetorically before he continued. "Why the hell are you here now if you went home with _Marcus_?"

"Oh!" Tony exclaimed and chuckled once again. "Yeah, couldn't go through with that," he replied calmly, obviously fighting sleep now. "I went as far as, you know, getting almost naked with him when I realized that it wasn't him I wanted."

Gibbs sucked in a breath as the hooded green eyes locked into his own. Tony might have been drunk, but Gibbs could still see that he was being honest at the moment. It didn't make it any easier, though. Gibbs didn't know what to do or what to say in answer to Tony's statement, but apparently, he didn't need to because Tony's head had rolled back again and the first snore escaped his mouth at the very moment.  
Sighing softly, Gibbs stood up and fetched a bottle of water and two aspirins for Tony from his kitchen. He placed them on the coffee table in front of the couch and then carefully shook the younger man's shoulder to wake him up. Tony's eyes fluttered open and he smiled as his glance reached Gibbs' face.

"Hi," he said and reached up to put his hand behind Gibbs' head.

He pulled him closer and was just about to kiss him when Gibbs' mind finally kicked into thinking mode again and he pushed Tony back down onto the couch. As much as he wanted to kiss him senseless, he knew that remorse would made itself perceivable as soon as he'd do it because Tony was obviously too drunk to think straight and Gibbs would not take advantage of that.

"Go to sleep," he finally said as he threw a blanket over his junior agent's body. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"'kay," came back Tony's sleepy answer, his eyes already closing again.

With one last look at the man lying on his couch, Gibbs sighed and was just about to walk up the stairs to sleep in his guest room when Tony spoke up again, causing him to stop in his tracks for a second.

"Missed you, Ben."

Gibbs smiled even though he knew that Tony's eyes were still closed before he mumbled, "Missed you, too."

With that, he finally made his way upstairs, wondering if Tony would remember any of it by tomorrow morning.

.

Gibbs woke up with a start as he heard someone puttering around downstairs. He was about to reach for his gun as he realized that it was most likely Tony down there. He quickly dressed into an old pair of jeans and a white t-shirt and then went down the stairs, expecting Tony to be sitting on the couch. The living-room, however, was deserted and just as Gibbs felt his heart sink at the thought that Tony had already left, he heard a soft grunt coming from the kitchen. Trying to repress a smile at the thought of having Tony there in the mornings, he walked the couple of steps, but then stopped dead as he caught sight of the younger man. He was sitting on one of the chairs around his kitchen table, still looking as disheveled as the night before. His face was pale and he had his head propped up on one of his arms, quite obviously fighting a headache.

It wasn't his appearance though that made Gibbs' heart first miss a beat and then continue its rhythm erratically. No, it was more easily the photograph of himself and Tony that lay on the table in front of him - but that wasn't even the worst of it. Tony's hand was also holding the piece of paper that Gibbs had pinned to his fridge a couple of months ago. The young man stared at the drawing that Kelly had sent to her dad eleven years ago. How could Gibbs have forgotten about it being there last night?  
Tony looked up from the piece of paper now and glanced at him, blanching, if possible, even more.

"'m sorry," he finally muttered. "Didn't mean to. Just wanted to get some more water."

Gibbs remained silent, still staring at the younger man, unable to do as much as blink at the moment. A thousand thoughts ran through his mind in an attempt to diffuse the situation, but he couldn't settle on anything but the truth. He couldn't tell that it was the drawing of a niece or any other kid. He had sometimes denied Shannon's existence whenever someone had asked him how many times he had been married, but he couldn't do that with his own daughter. So, he finally took a deep breath and then sat down opposite from Tony who was still looking at him intently. They stayed quiet for a moment or two before the younger man cleared his throat rather noisily, effectively breaking their eye contact as he redirected the glance to the drawing in his hand. Gibbs followed it and could just make out the scrawled handwriting at the bottom of the paper which read 'Miss you.'

"Who's this from?" Tony asked quietly, apparently having picked up on Gibbs' almost panicky mood because he spoke rather soothingly now.

Gibbs didn't answer immediately, only reached out and took the paper from Tony's slightly shaking hand to look at it for a moment. He could still lie about it, but he knew if he did so, he'd destroy everything he had worked for in the last couple of months and he certainly wouldn't be one jot better than back then when he had hit Tony in the face at the mention of his daughter's name. So, he let out a sigh and without looking up from the drawing finally answered barely above a whisper.

"Kelly."

He could hear Tony take in a sharp breath and looked at him again. The kid had turned even paler now and the hangover had most certainly nothing to do with it.

"Kelly?" he checked back just as quietly. "Is she…" he hesitated for a moment as he searched for Gibbs' eyes, "your daughter?"

Like in trance, Gibbs nodded once, trying to fight down his emotions. He hadn't talked about her in a very long time because nobody close to him – except for Mike - even knew she had existed. Franks would never broach the subject, knowing that he didn't like to talk about her and Shannon and Gibbs would always be eternally grateful for that. He knew, though, that Tony wouldn't do him the favor now. He took another deep breath and was finally able to clear the fog in his head somewhat as he looked at the younger man again. He had expected him to flip or walk out on him because of their encounter ten years previously, but he just looked back at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He didn't look angry though and his eyes were slightly brighter than usual as they stared at him rather kindly.

"Where is she now?" he finally asked and Gibbs gulped again, knowing that he'd get the pitying expression from Tony like from anyone else who had heard about her death if he told him now.

"She's…" he replied barely audible, so that Tony leaned closer ever so slightly. "She's dead."

The fierce pain that always made his heart ache whenever he thought of Kelly made itself perceivable and Gibbs closed his eyes for a moment, wondering if it had really been the right thing to do. Maybe he shouldn't have burdened Tony with the knowledge after all. He finally chanced a glance at him and was surprised that he wasn't able to see pity on the other man's face. Granted, he was still pale and his eyes seemed a bit glazed over, but he didn't offer any condolences for the moment. He just looked at him steadily before he muttered, more to himself than to Gibbs.

"Shit."

Gibbs blinked and then finally locked eyes with him again.

"When?" Tony asked after a little while.

"February, 1991," Gibbs answered quietly, realizing only now that his heartbeat was oddly enough back to normal.

"No wonder you…" Tony started and then broke off, shaking his head almost imperceptibly as he ran a hand through his hair. "God, I'm sorry, Jethro. If I had known…"

"Don't be," Gibbs hurried to interrupt him, knowing that Tony was apologizing for things he had had no control over. "You couldn't have known and I wasn't exactly keen on talking back then."

"Yeah," Tony answered thoughtfully as he reached out his hand.

Gibbs thought that he wanted to look at the drawing more closely again and he was about to give it to him when Tony softly tapped one finger against the knuckles of Gibbs' hand. He looked up again and saw a sympathetic smile on the other man's lips as he got a hold of his hand, squeezing it ever so slightly. Gibbs didn't pull away, just let it happen, savoring in the touch he had craved for so long now.

"How did it happen?" Tony finally asked, looking up from their joined hands.

"She died in a car crash along with my first wife while they were under NIS protection detail. Shannon wanted to testify against a drug dealer… and he…," Gibbs gulped, blinked a couple of times and eventually continued when he felt Tony squeeze his hand again. "And he decided to have her killed. I was overseas when it happened."

He looked back at Tony and saw him nod once, a lone tear running down his face. He looked so broken as he sat there that Gibbs felt the need to console him rise up inside of him, even though he knew that Tony wasn't the one who needed consolation at this point. They remained silent for a very long time, never breaking their eye contact, never letting go of each other's hand. Gibbs didn't know what to say, didn't know why he felt like a weight had been pulled off his shoulders and didn't know what Tony thought about him now.

"I'm sorry for what I said about Kelly back then," Tony finally interrupted the silence. "I just assumed…"

"I know," Gibbs replied quietly. "But you've nothing to be sorry about. I was… not in the right frame of mind to do much of anything back then. I had just lost my wife and kid and didn't know how to live my life anymore. I wanted to…," Gibbs broke off again, desperately trying to blink back his tears and finally losing the battle. "The week before I met you… I wanted to kill myself because there was nothing there to fight for anymore. I sat at a beach for hours, staring at my gun and cheering myself on to just do it. I felt so pathetic that I couldn't do it. First, I wasn't able to save my girls and then I couldn't even save myself, you know. I was so messed up."

He trailed off, wiping away the tears that were openly streaming down his face now with his free hand before he looked at Tony again who had intently listened to his story with wide eyes.

"And then, I met you. I was drinking much too much and you were right. If you hadn't taken my keys that first night, I probably would have ended up dead in a car wreck myself. I was furious at first that you didn't let me drive, but then, after the second night in that stupid bar, I realized that I actually liked talking to you because you were so open and, you know, you didn't know shit about me. It was so different, so I came back for more and I thought that I could play it cool, could enjoy the couple of days with you without hurting so much. And it actually worked. It actually worked until I slipped up and told you about Kelly."

"You've let your guard down for a minute or two," Tony continued quietly and Gibbs nodded.

He had done exactly that, had let Tony kiss him and had talked without thinking, messing everything up.

"And when you asked me if Kelly was my girlfriend I just snapped. But it wasn't just about what you said… I just," Gibbs trailed off again, giving Tony's hand a squeeze. "I realized that for a moment I thought it wasn't about forgetting about the girls anymore. For a moment I actually thought that I liked you, that you were more than just a one-night-stand and it scared the crap out of me. I didn't realize it until long afterwards that that was the real reason I've hit you. Just because you made me feel good again, made me feel human again. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Tony whispered, giving him a sad smile.

Gibbs watched him get up from the chair, never letting go of his hand, and take a couple of steps so that he was standing directly in front of him. He got to his feet, too, and then, before he could even blink once, felt himself enveloped in a tight hug. He stiffened up for a moment before he relaxed into the touch as his arms came around the other man. He rested his chin on Tony's shoulder for the briefest of moments before he buried his face in the other man's shoulder, taking in his scent. He smelled of his aftershave and stale alcohol, but Gibbs didn't care. It was just good to feel the warmth radiating from him, to feel his strong arms around him, to feel himself be held like that.

"I'm so sorry," Tony whispered into his ear, not letting go of him. "I'm so sorry."


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: I know, apologizing is a sign of weakness, but I really am sorry for the delay. Life, work and family caught up with me this week and I simply couldn't find the time to sit down and write. I hope this chapter compensates for the wait. :-) And thanks as always for your awesome reviews!  
_

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**Chapter Fifteen.**

Gibbs wasn't quite sure how long they had been standing there, just holding on to each other, when Tony eventually let go of him. Gibbs looked at him and realized with a start that Tony's eyes were red and that he had apparently cried silently just now. Gibbs was about to reach up to his face and wipe away the tears when Tony stepped away from him and sat back down on a chair right next to him. In a lack of other options, Gibbs did the same, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to come up with something to diffuse the tension in the air, but he couldn't come up with anything.

"Sorry," he said, clearing his throat. "Didn't mean to…"

"No," Tony interrupted him, smiling softly at him. "It's good you told me."

"Yeah?" Gibbs replied rather confused.

"Now I know about everything," Tony replied quietly. "It's easier to understand why you do what you do… and did."

Gibbs nodded and then ran a hand over his face, desperately trying to regain some kind of composure. He felt a wave of something wash over him and suddenly realized that it was relief. Tony was right. He knew now, knew why he had hit him back then and why Gibbs was a bastard most of the time. And with a start, Gibbs also realized that it was _good_, too. Talking about it had felt good. He had talked about it to his ex-wives, but it was only because it had been a necessity and not because he had wanted to. With Tony it had been entirely different. He hadn't pitied him, hadn't told him to move on already. He just seemed to accept it for now. Gibbs subtly shook his head before he redirected his glance to Tony, who was still looking at him intently, his head tilted to one side.

"Ask?" Gibbs finally said as he realized that the younger man had something on his mind.

"It's just…" Tony started hesitantly, rubbing the back of his head - a sign of, as Gibbs had learned early on, nervousness. "Why wasn't it in your file?"

"When I started at NIS, I simply didn't put it in my record. No one needed to know and I didn't want anybody to know either."

"Yeah, I get that. Wouldn't have worked for me, though. I always need to talk things out, you know."

"I noticed," Gibbs replied wryly. "And it didn't work for me all that good either."

"What do you mean?" Tony asked confused, leaning closer ever so slightly.

"Two of my ex-wives filed for divorce because they claimed that I never talked to them and I guess they were right. I told them once and then refused to tell them anything more about… Shannon and Kelly… I just didn't."

"Why?"

"Couldn't," Gibbs replied quietly and locked eyes with Tony. "Not sure I can now."

Tony nodded almost imperceptibly and reached out his hand again, taking Gibbs' into his own. He remained silent for a few moments and just when Gibbs wanted to say something, Tony beat him to it.

"You don't have to," he whispered.

"I know," the older man replied, squeezing the younger man's hand. "But I… I think I want to."

"Okay," Tony said, suddenly smiling broadly at him. "I'm honored."

Gibbs couldn't help but snort at that and felt himself relax ever so slightly. He picked up Kelly's drawing with his free hand and looked at it for a moment before he stood up and all but pulled Tony into the living-room with him. He hesitated for a moment, waiting for the wave of nausea to hit him like it always did at the prospect of talking about Shannon and Kelly, but it never came. Taking a deep breath, he opened up the drawer where his most precious belonging was stored. He picked up a couple of pictures and then sat down on the couch next to Tony.

"Are you sure?" Tony all but whispered, his eyes once again locked on Gibbs'.

"Yeah," he just said and then handed the photos to him. "That's Shannon, Kelly and me at the shore on Kelly's sixth birthday," he explained the first picture. "We promised to take her horseback riding for months. She was so excited, she dragged us out of bed at five o'clock in the morning."

"She's beautiful," Tony said, never looking up from the picture in his hand. "She looked just like her mom."

"Yeah," Gibbs conceded, feeling a pang of loneliness inside of him, but it faded fairly quickly when Tony briefly glanced at him before he moved on to the next picture which showed Shannon and Gibbs on their wedding day.

"You were young."

"We were," Gibbs agreed, taking the picture from Tony's hand and running a finger over his bride's face. "Didn't make a difference, though. When I first met her I knew that she was it. One smile and she had me."

"That's sweet," Tony replied, looking at him again. "You looked good, too. No gray hair and all. And that uniform."

He let out a whistle and Gibbs couldn't help but laugh at that. He knew the statement to be what is was – a diffusion of the still hovering tension between them – but it worked nonetheless. He finally relaxed completely and leaned back against the backrest of the couch. Tony followed suit and let his head rest on top of it before he turned ever so slightly to look at him. His eyes seemed to be greener than usual and Gibbs' heart sped up again ever so slightly.

"Why are you showing me?"

"Honestly?" Gibbs replied hesitantly. "Don't know. Guess, I wanted to."

"I appreciate it," Tony smiled at him again. "Why am I different, though? Why are you telling me and not the wives?"

Gibbs remained silent as he contemplated the answer. He knew that Tony was different, but he couldn't possibly tell him that, could he? And how would he explain it anyway? He didn't know why he had a special place in his heart for the kid. It had taken him only three days back in 1991 to earn it and Gibbs had never been able to let go of the memories.

"You," he said slowly. "Deserved to know."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't treat you well back then, even though I should have because without you, I'd… not be here now. And as much as I didn't want to talk about them with anyone, as much did I owe you the truth. It's as simple as that. And I didn't mind either. Felt good actually."

"I'm glad," Tony replied and smiled at him again, an honest smile, one which Gibbs hadn't seen in almost ten years. "Means a lot. And you can come to me any time. You know that, right?"

"Didn't," Gibbs replied without thinking, causing Tony's brows to furrow. "I mean," he hastened to continue. "I didn't before. But now I do. Thanks."

"Yeah, about that," the younger man replied seriously. "I'm sorry about how I acted the last couple of months. I know I've left you hanging too much. I just… I really wanted to talk to you and really wanted to… I don't know, man. It's just… I didn't know if I could trust you. I know that I can do that on the job, I mean the way you saved me just yesterday was incredible. You have to teach me shoot like that, by the way. But personally, I didn't know what to think. I wanted to see the present-you and all what you've become since we first met, but I simply couldn't forget that night. What if you'd hit me again with no reason whatsoever? I've had enough of that in my life. I didn't want that again. So, I'm really sorry I've misjudged you like that."

"You got nothing to be sorry for, Tony," Gibbs replied gently, trying to keep down the sick feeling of knowing that Tony had been hit before - by his father probably. "I should have told you earlier. I'm sorry."

Tony nodded and then let out a deep breath, filling the air with the rather disgusting smell of stale alcohol. He seemed to realize that, too, because he scrunched up his nose and waved his hand in front of his face.

"Jeez, I'm sorry."

Gibbs let out a laugh and sat up again, bumping his shoulder against Tony's ever so slightly.

"Stop apologizing."

"You're right, we've overdone it," Tony quipped. "Hey – you should make a rule about it."

"Based on what?" Gibbs replied, still smiling.

"I don't know. It has to be something that doesn't let on that we're two softies in any case," Tony said, furrowing a brow. "Something like… it's a sign of weakness maybe? It's a John Wayne quote, too. Manliest man ever."

"Sounds good," Gibbs let out another laugh, suddenly feeling oddly light-headed. "I think there isn't a number six yet."

"Are you saying there's no rhyme or reason to your numbering?"

"Nope," Gibbs just replied and Tony started to laugh at that.

"You're a devious man, Jethro," he finally pressed out in between some chuckles.

"You already said that, yeah."

"And I got a feeling I'll repeat it again and again."

Tony was still laughing as he turned to look at Gibbs. The older man gave him another smile, causing Tony to suddenly calm down and tilt his head. Their eyes locked again as Tony moved closer ever so slightly, somehow looking serious again and Gibbs felt his heart miss a beat at the intense look on his face. He didn't know what was up with Tony all of a sudden, didn't know why the moment of light conversation had suddenly turned into… well, _this. _Without thinking, Gibbs had leaned even closer towards the younger man and their noses were nearly touching now. He had already closed his eyes, was already half-expecting the soft lips on his own when a loud ring diverted his intentions, causing him to move away from the younger man. He could hear Tony sigh before the younger man looked around for a moment and finally grabbed his cell phone that was lying on the coffee table in front of them.

"Yeah, DiNozzo," he said slightly out of breath. "Oh hey, Abby."

Gibbs watched him, trying to hear what his favorite forensic specialist had to say. He couldn't understand her, though it sounded like she had a lot to say and judging from the look on Tony's face, it wasn't all that positive. Gibbs cringed at the thought of Abby reverting back to the not-liking-Tony-thing, but then the younger man visibly relaxed again and playfully rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, Abby," he said, obviously cutting off her rant. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." He stayed quiet for a moment as he listened. "I'm kind of busy right now, you know… no, I haven't stayed the night… no, Abby… Nothing like that. I'm…" He broke off and listened again, furrowing a brow before he let out a sigh and then his shoulders slumped visibly. "Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."

With that he hung up the phone. He shrugged and turned towards Gibbs again, an apologetic smile on his lips.

"She wants me to come over to talk. Girl talk she called it," he grimaced. "But I guess after last night, I kind of owe her an explanation. I'd say I'm sorry, but…"

"I get it," Gibbs replied, disappointment settling within him.

"Okay, thanks," Tony said, rubbing the back of his head. "But, uh, if you wanted… I could cook tonight at my place if you want to join me. To eat, I mean, not to cook. Anyway, we could talk then if you wanted."

"I'd like that," Gibbs replied, feeling a smile spread on his face again. "I'll be there."

"Around seven sound good?" At Gibbs' nod, Tony smiled and got up, a strange expression on his face. "See you then," he said barely above a whisper and then quickly leaned down and placed a peck on Gibbs' left cheek before he straightened up and then all but ran out the house, slamming the door behind him.

Gibbs stared at the spot where Tony had disappeared to and then shook his head, placing a hand over the cheek that Tony had just kissed. He wasn't entirely sure what had just happened there, wasn't entirely sure he had already processed everything Tony had said this morning, but he sure felt a lot better, felt better than he could ever remember. And it definitely was a start… of something.


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Thank you so much for your awesome reviews! :)  
_

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**Chapter Sixteen.**

Gibbs looked at himself in the mirror and couldn't help but shake his head. He didn't know why he even cared. It wasn't like Tony would expect him to dress up as it was just a casual invite for dinner, not even a date. So why was Gibbs concerned about the fit of his jeans and why was he thinking about a button-down shirt instead of his usual polo? He ran a hand through his hair and finally dressed into his newest pair of jeans that Stephanie had bought for him not too long ago and a black button-down. With a last scrutinizing look and an approving nod, he grabbed his keys and then went out of his house to walk to Tony's apartment.

Gibbs didn't even know why he was so nervous. The difficult part of their conversation was already done, he had told the kid about Shannon and Kelly and it had felt strangely good. Gibbs wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that, but maybe Tony would be able to help him move on. He had already done it once, so maybe he would do it again. Gibbs blinked and stopped for a moment as that particular thought crossed his mind. He really wanted to move on. He wanted more out of his life than the boat, bourbon and work and he didn't want a pale imitation of Shannon. No, he wanted something else entirely. And that apparently was Tony.

Smiling to himself, he started moving again. Tony's apartment complex was already in sight and Gibbs couldn't help but feel all fuzzy inside. Tony had finally forgiven him after all these years and it had sounded like he might maybe want to start things with Gibbs again. He wasn't quite sure what it meant exactly, but he was definitely willing to find out. Although he still didn't know what it was about the kid even after more than ten years, he knew that he craved him, craved his smile, his jokes and his touch. And maybe he would finally get all of that again.

.

He took a deep breath and then knocked twice on the door to Tony's apartment.

"Come on in," the younger man's cheerful voice came through the door. "It's open."

Subtly shaking his head, Gibbs walked in, shed his coat and hung it up on the coat rack by the entrance. Tony's apartment had changed since he had last been there. He had finally unpacked completely and only now did Gibbs notice that the kid had a very classic taste in furniture. Looking around, the older man realized that he liked it and that Tony's apartment fit his style perfectly.

"Hi," Tony's voice interrupted his musings and Gibbs turned around to look at him.

He was casually leaning against the doorframe to his kitchen, wearing jeans that fit snugly and an old Ohio State hoodie. Gibbs grinned at the memory of their little game of basketball ten years ago when he had worn a shirt just like that as he walked towards him.

"You dressed up," Tony interrupted his thoughts again. "I like it."

"Yeah, well," Gibbs smirked. "Here, brought some wine."

He handed the bottle over to Tony who took it with a nodded thanks and carried it into the kitchen.

"So, what are you making?" Gibbs asked, following the younger man.

"Spaghetti. Nothing fancy, didn't have the time to go shopping, sorry."

"Don't apologize," Gibbs deadpanned, causing Tony to let out a bark of a laugh. "And spaghetti sounds just fine."

"Good," Tony said with a smile and motioned him to sit down.

They stayed silent for a while and Gibbs was content with just watching the other man. He had an easy way around the kitchen, indicating that he was cooking quite open. Gibbs caught himself smiling again and tried to hide it quickly, but Tony had just then turned around and was looking at him with a raised eyebrow now.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing," Gibbs replied gruffly. "Just didn't think you could actually cook."

"I'm a man of many hidden talents, Gibbs. You of all people should know that."

With a smirk and another raise of his eyebrow, Tony turned around. Gibbs stared at him for a second before he shook his head at the obvious innuendo, but decided to let it slide for the moment. He cleared his throat, trying to redirect his thoughts from the way Tony's naked skin had felt against his own.

"So, uh," he finally started. "How was your talk with Abby?"

"Okay, I guess," Tony said and sat down next to him, letting the sauce simmer for a while. "She was a bit mad that I hadn't told her before, but I think she was more excited to get the dirt on Marcus actually."

He blushed a bit at his last words and Gibbs forcefully relaxed his hands that had curled into fists at the thought of some other guy touching Tony. _His _Tony.

"Huh," he just said, trying to make eye contact with the younger man, but he was staring firmly at his hands at the moment. "What did you tell her?"

"That I was too drunk to follow through and went home," Tony replied with a hint of a smile on his lips. "Wasn't a complete lie at least."

"Guess so," Gibbs replied thoughtfully and was relieved when Tony finally looked at him again. "Why did you come to my place?" he then asked so quietly that the younger man leaned a little closer automatically.

"Not sure," Tony answered haltingly. "I mean, I knew I couldn't close the deal with Marcus because… he wasn't what I wanted. And when the cab driver came to pick me up, I gave him your address without even thinking about it. That's how I ended up at your place. I really didn't know what I wanted to say to you or anything. Figured I'll think of something when I see you. Guess it wasn't efficient last night, but well. Here we are now, right?"

"That we are," Gibbs answered and couldn't help but smile at the younger man. "So what now?"

"Now," Tony grinned and all but jumped up from the chair he had been sitting on. "We eat. And then we'll spend some time doing what you like best: talking."

Gibbs let out a laugh and felt something deep inside of him settle. This was the Tony he remembered, this was the carefree kid who would make him laugh with just a small comment, who would make him feel at ease with a simple look.

Gibbs took the offered plate and then waited for Tony to sit down next to him again before he started to eat. He took a bite and hummed in delight. The pasta was delicious, the sauce spicy, but not too spicy, just like Gibbs liked it. They ate in silence for a while, only occasionally casting a glance at each other, exchanging smiles. When he was done, Gibbs leaned back against the backrest of his chair and watched Tony wolf down the rest of the dish. He remembered having watched him just like that ten years previously at a diner they had went to one day. And with a start, he also remembered that he had felt completely comfortable around the younger man then, just like he did now. It had felt strangely right to be there and it still did ten years later.

For all that Gibbs had been brooding the last couple of months since Tony had joined his team, he suddenly realized that he wouldn't have needed to that much. He liked the kid, always had, and if Gibbs had learned one thing from his self-endangering trip ten years ago, it was that he couldn't control everything. Maybe waiting for things to happen was the right way to go now. He would hear out what Tony had to say to him. He didn't know what he wanted to talk about exactly, but it couldn't be that bad. He, himself, had already made his intensions very clear when he had last kissed him, so it was Tony's turn now.

"Move this to the living room?" Tony once again disrupted his train of thought with a smile.

"Sure," Gibbs said, grabbed both of their glasses of wine and then led the way.

He sat down on Tony's leather couch and was slightly surprised when the younger man slouched down right next to him, so that their thighs were touching. Gibbs felt a shiver run down his spine at the unexpected touch and tried hard not to let it show.

"You wanted to talk?" he finally said after clearing his throat loudly, causing Tony to chuckle right next to him.

"Sure did," the kid replied as she sat up a bit straighter, bumping his shoulder against Gibbs'. "So, uh, now that everything's out in the open, where does that leave us?"

"Don't know," Gibbs shrugged. "Already told you what I want."

"No, not really," Tony replied thoughtfully. "I mean you may have implied it back when you kissed me in front of Danny's house and all, but you never said anything."

"Like to let my actions speak."

"I noticed," Tony smirked before he turned serious again. "But what is that you want exactly? A friends-with-benefits kind of thing?"

"A what?" Gibbs replied confused, causing Tony to laugh.

"You know… like friendship with sex."

"Oh," Gibbs replied, furrowing his brow. "Where's the sense in that?"

"I don't know," Tony laughed again. "Some people like it. So, I take it, that's not what you want?"

"No," Gibbs shook his head, laughing, too. "I'm much too… possessive to do stuff like that with no strings attached."

"Yeah, I figured," Tony answered, a broad smile appearing on his face. "I like that. Okay, so, when I think there's two other options left."

"Which are?"

"One, we stay friends and continue like we did before. Well, maybe with a little bit less Bastard-Jethro and little bit less Bastard-Tony. Or," he trailed off for a moment, rubbing the back of his head. "We start something else. I mean, you just told me you're a possessive bastard and I really, really like that. And I think I'd like it if you were possessive of me. So, I'm thinking… either we decide on option one and never do this…"

He stopped himself again and looked deep into Gibbs' eyes. The older man felt his heart pick up pace and heard the pulse rush loudly through his ears as Tony leaned closer. He felt his own eyes widen for a moment before he threw all caution to the winds and closed the last remaining gap between them himself. Their lips met up with each other and after all this time, after all these months that Gibbs had been imagining this, he hadn't expected the butterflies in his stomach at the soft touch of Tony's lips. The kiss was almost shy at first, a gentle and lingering touch of their lips as if they were both hesitating to take it any further, as if they both wanted to take the time to memorize that feeling before they would break away from each other. Gibbs wasn't entirely sure how long they stayed like that before he was able to feel Tony's tongue tentatively licking his lips, begging for entrance. Gibbs did him the favor, sliding apart his lips. They battled for dominance for a while with neither of them winning or losing before Tony almost reluctantly backed away, the smile never once leaving his face.

Gibbs blinked and then continued to stare at the younger man for a while before he cleared his throat, trying to also clear his head.

"Yeah," he finally pressed out. "Definitely not going to do option one."

"Thought so," Tony grinned, leaning back against the backrest of the couch.

Gibbs let out a bark of a laugh as he settled back, too, just looking at the younger man next to him. The kiss had been everything he could have hoped for and the warm shimmer in Tony's eyes told him enough to know that his feeling was reciprocated. He was still staring into those emerald green eyes when a thought suddenly popped into his mind, causing him to sit up again.

"Ask?" Tony said, straightening himself.

"That photo you left in my basement… why did you have it with you?"

"Long story," Tony sighed, averting his glance from Gibbs to stare at his hands instead. "Promise not to laugh?"

"Tony," Gibbs answered almost softly. "I carried that other Polaroid with me wherever I went for ten years. I'm sure I won't laugh at you."

"Okay," the younger man took a deep breath before he continued. "Jamie gave it to me a couple of weeks after we parted ways. I never told anyone how we ended and all, so he gave it to me. Said that he liked you and that he'd never seen me as happy as I was that day when we were playing ball. I know it sounds horrible and all, but I think he was right about that. After my mom died," Tony sighed and finally looked at Gibbs again, his eyes slightly brighter than usual. "My dad was just… an ass. The reason I worked at that filthy bar was that he had cut me off because I didn't want to get a business degree. So I had to get through college with the help of a small scholarship and waiting tables and stuff. I didn't particularly mind because I was glad to get away from my dad, but it was a rough time back then. I hadn't realized that I wasn't exactly happy before you came along. You had something about you that made me want to… I don't know. You were so messed up at first, but then you opened up a bit, let yourself being drawn into giving up control for a couple of minutes. I mean, you were a tough guy and then you opened up to me like that. That first night when you woke up crying…"

"I thought I had woken up next to Shannon again," Gibbs shared quietly, causing Tony to take his hand and squeeze it.

"I was so scared that you were more messed up than I thought you were, but then… I don't know, something changed and you started to smile and joke and I felt grounded all of a sudden. I felt like I could take on the world, you know, just because you were there. I know it sounds stupid, but you gave me something back then. I still don't know what it was. I mean, I could see that I was able to help you get out of your funk and I suddenly didn't feel useless anymore, no matter how many times my dad told me I was. And when I tackled you in Baltimore, I couldn't believe that you were there, you know. I thought that my last impression of you had been right and I felt something shatter in me. I thought you were a fucking drug dealer or something and I was so angry at myself for believing that you were a good guy. And I always thought you were… despite the fact that you hit me and all… You have no idea how glad I was when Dispatch told me you were a cop… After that, everything just… fell into place."

"To make a really long story short," Tony continued after a few moments of silence. "I looked for the photo again in my box of memories and realized that Jamie had been right. I was happy back then. That day at the basketball court was everything I ever needed. And I also realized that I wasn't as happy with Wendy then. That's why I wanted to show you that photo… sorry if that sounds stupid."

"No, not at all," Gibbs replied quietly, squeezing the younger man's hand. "You wanted to feel like that again. Guess it was the same for me. Right before we took that picture of us in the hotel room, I was sure that things weren't as bad as they were before I met you. That's why I held on to it. I didn't want to forget what it felt like, either."

Tony nodded mutely, just looking at him. They stayed like that for a very long time, just holding hands and staring at each other. Gibbs felt sad about the tale that Tony had just told him but he knew that he had told him nothing but the truth. It had needed to be said and part of Gibbs was glad that he knew now. He despised Tony's old man for what he had done to the kid, but was proud of what Tony had managed to achieve despite it all.

"We are two messed up guys," Tony finally broke the overwhelming silence.

"That we are," Gibbs let out a bark of a laugh and relaxed ever so slightly, noticing Tony doing the same. "So… uh, fresh start?"

"Definitely," Tony smiled at him for a moment before he chanced a glance at his watch. "It's getting kind of late."

"Yeah," Gibbs replied, taking the hint and getting up from the couch. "I'll get going then. What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"

"I don't know. Whatever you want to do."

"I like that," the older man smirked. "I'll think of something. Come round my place at around two o'clock?"

"You got it," Tony smiled before he leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips. "It's a date."

"Yup," Gibbs grinned back at him, suddenly feeling utterly happy.

He grabbed his coat and shrugged into it before he turned around to look at Tony once more.

"I'll leave the light on outside 'till you're out of here. The hallway's a bitch with all those stupid statues of whatever."

"Thanks," Gibbs replied smirking before he got serious again. "I mean it, thanks for leaving it on for me."

He looked deep into the younger man's eyes, trying to convey the message that he wasn't talking about the light in the hallway, but the fact that Tony had kept his door open to give him a second chance – to give them a second chance. He could hear Tony gulp audibly before he nodded and Gibbs felt something lock into a place inside of him that felt like it had always belonged there.

"You got it," Tony finally said and Gibbs nodded, turned around and then closed the door behind him, feeling oddly at ease and happy.

* * *

_A/N: Hope you liked it!  
_

_Short warning or whatever... this was probably the second to last chapter of this story.  
I really appreciated your nice and constructive reviews. However, lately I've all been bombarded by really rude and homophobic 'reviews' (I hope I managed to delete all of them as they were all 'guest reviews' (go figure)) and PMs, so that I decided that this is going to be my last fic I post here. I don't know if I'll simply move somewhere else or not, but right now, I kind of lost interest. Just wanted to let you know because I know that most of you are really, really awesome and nice and all and I met a couple of really great people here, but well... Hope you understand._

_- Benny  
_


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: Wow, thanks guys for the encouragement and the really, really nice words from all of you :) Meant a lot to me. I promise I'll let you know if I post somewhere else... I'm still undecided at the moment.  
Anyway, thank you for sticking with me for so long and I'm really glad so many of you seemed to like this little story. I'm almost sorry it's over now ;D Thanks, guys! :)  
_

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen.**

Gibbs was just about to close the front door behind him as he saw Tony walk up towards him. He was wearing jeans and t-shirt and Gibbs had to smile ever so slightly because he hadn't seen him like that for over ten years. He realized that he much preferred casual Tony over work clothes Tony. He seemed so much younger like this.

"Hey," the younger man grinned and waved at him. "So, what are we up to?"

"Want to come with me to the shore and a couple of drinks afterwards?"

"Sure, sounds good."

Tony smiled again and then briefly looked around before he leaned closer and brushed his lips against Gibbs'. The older man smiled into the kiss and then at the man in front of him as he realized that he could really get used to that, even if they had to be careful around others due to their job.

"Let's go," he finally said and nodded towards his truck.

"Have I told you," Tony quipped as Jethro backed out of the driveway. "That I admire your consistency? You still drive the same truck after ten years."

Gibbs let out a laugh and shook his head. "Yeah, well. Some things never change."

"True. But I am glad that some things do change over times," he answered quietly and then found Gibbs' hand on the stick shift and squeezed it softly.

"Me, too," Gibbs just said, glancing at him for a second before he redirected his gaze onto the street in front of him.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence and for once Tony apparently didn't feel the need to fill it with carefree chatter. Gibbs usually didn't mind, but he did enjoy the comfortable silence now. They had been talking a lot these last two days and for the moment he was content with hearing the man next to him breathe, knowing that he was simply there. When he finally pulled over at the once well-known shore, he waited for the regret to hit him instantly, but for some reason it didn't come. He took a deep breath and got out of the truck with Tony next to him doing the same. The young man was still smiling goofily as he looked around and was just about to grab Gibbs' hand when his glance fell on the older man's face.

"What's wrong?" he asked and Gibbs realized that his insecurity must have shown, so he tried to compose his features, but Tony just shook his head.

"Nothing," Gibbs finally said and then let out a sigh as he took Tony's hand. "Just haven't been here in a very long time."

"How long?"

"About ten years."

"That's… long," Tony said, his eyes never leaving Gibbs' face.

"I guess," Gibbs just shrugged and then guided them closer towards the water.

It was still as beautiful as he remembered. There was nobody but the two of them, the sea and the small beach. He used to come here first with Shannon and then with Kelly quite a lot, simply sitting in the sand and enjoying the salt-breeze. Those memories, however, faded into the background as his thoughts reached his last couple of visits. He had been sitting on a bench, which was now no longer there, for hours, staring at the gun in his hands, waiting for the right moment to kill himself. He had spent hours and hours thinking, but had to realize that he was too tired and exhausted to even pull the trigger. The last time he had been there at the shore was the day he had first met Tony and it only made sense to Gibbs to come here again when things had finally come full circle.

"It's beautiful," Tony said as he let go of Gibbs's hand to step behind him and encircle the older man's waist with his arms.

Gibbs let himself almost melt into the other man's touch and let out a sigh which seemed to come from deep within him. This was what he had been missing for so long. Someone who was there to hold him, someone he could lean onto when times got rough. He just really hoped that he wouldn't mess it up with Tony this time. He simply needed him too much to let him go again.

"Why are we here, Jethro?" Tony asked now, barely above a whisper and his breath ghosted over the skin right underneath the older man's earlobe.

"Wanted to show you," he shrugged. "Special place."

"I can tell," Tony replied softly, his arms tightening around him. "You've been here with them, haven't you?"

"Every time I was home," Gibbs said after a moment of hesitation. "Kelly loved it here."

They fell silent again as they simply stood there for a long time, just staring at the sea and feeling each other so close. Gibbs could feel Tony's breaths on his neck, could feel the security that emitted from the younger man's arms and for a moment it was like the last ten years had never happened. He had felt exactly like that the first night when Tony had held him, trying to stop him from crying.

"Thanks," Tony finally said, causing Gibbs to turn around in his arms.

"What for?"

"For taking me here. Can't be easy to come here and sharing it with someone, especially after all this time."

"Guess so," Gibbs shrugged and then leaned into him, pressing his lips against Tony's.

It was nothing more than a chaste brush of lips, but when they broke apart, Tony simply nodded at him, indicating that he understood. And Gibbs was sure that he did, too. This wasn't just a place to bring your date to make out, this was Gibbs' special place even though he hadn't been there for such a long time. He still missed his girls with every breath he took, but since Tony had come back into the picture it had gotten easier day by day. And only now did Gibbs feel like he could actually be happy again someday. Maybe it wouldn't be today or tomorrow, but he could almost feel it coming towards him now. He brought his hands around Tony now and hugged him tightly as if he never wanted to let go ever again.

"Thanks," he finally whispered. "Thank you."

Tony didn't reply, just hugged him tighter and that was really all Gibbs needed to know.

.

A couple of hours later Gibbs grabbed two bottles of beer that he had stashed under the seat of his truck and handed one of them to Tony. They had spent the remainder of the afternoon at the beach, just sitting there enjoying the sight and each other. They hadn't talked much, but they really hadn't needed to.

"Why are we here?" Tony asked now, sitting down on a bench beside the road in front of a huge warehouse.

"Don't recognize the place?" Gibbs replied, taking a swig from his bottle.

"No?" Tony said confusedly as he looked around again.

Gibbs waited a moment and then smirked when he saw the figurative penny drop.

"This is where I used to work. Or the place at least."

"Yup," Gibbs replied. "Wanted to take you here in hopes that there was still some sort of bar, but no such luck. I settled for the bench then."

"Not too bad," Tony laughed. "Always wondered when, never if, it would go bankrupt. God, it was such a dump. I always wondered why people would even show up there."

"Maybe it was because of the service," Gibbs replied smiling and bumping his shoulder against Tony's. "I certainly did."

"Yup," Tony let out a laugh again. "You and those two lovely ladies that always smelled like moths."

"I remember them," Gibbs shook his head, laughing now, too.

"See," Tony said now, smiling broadly and pointing a finger at him. "This is what I want to see more often. That smile, god, I had dreams about you smiling like that. You should really, really do it more."

"Yeah?" Gibbs just replied, still unable to contain his smile. "I'll remember that."

"You do that, 'cause I plan to see it very often from now on. Got that?"

"Yes, boss," Gibbs quipped, earning himself another laugh from Tony.

"Good," Tony just said and then leaned closer to kiss him again.

They stayed like that for a while, drinking beer, joking, talking and kissing from time to time until Tony started to shiver ever so slightly in the rather fresh air around them. Gibbs pulled his arm around the younger man, pulling him even closer.

"Want to go home?" he asked then, already picturing them in a very similar position in front of the TV, snuggling into each other.

"Yeah."

.

When Gibbs had imagined the evening to fade away with Tony there in his house, he had thought about the couch, a movie and maybe a kiss good night. What he hadn't expected though was the force with which he was all but thrown back against his own front door and the younger man attacking his lips as if it was the last day for them together. Tony had him pinned to the door and Gibbs couldn't do much more than let it happen and try kissing him back. It wasn't like he didn't like it because, god, he loved it, but it had taken him by surprise due to the younger man's earlier insecurities about anything physical between them.

"You sure you want to do this?" he finally managed to breathe out when Tony's lips had descended to his neck.

"Do I look like I'm in doubt?" Tony replied with a chuckle in between two nips.

"Nope," Gibbs let out a laugh and was then taken by surprise when Tony grabbed one of his hands and dragged him up towards the bedroom.

"Second door on the left," Gibbs chuckled when Tony suddenly stopped in the hallway, looking around in search for the right room.

Tony just nodded and then guided them towards the room. Just when Gibbs thought he would just throw him onto the bed, Tony stopped and backed away a bit to look at him intently instead. Gibbs answered the scrutinizing glance with one of his own and was then slightly surprised when Tony coarsely ordered.

"Strip."

Gibbs just raised an eyebrow and for a moment wanted to protest until he remembered how good it had felt letting Tony have control all those years ago. So he just nodded and then stripped slowly, but deliberately. He casted glances at Tony all the while and was satisfied that he was mirroring him, getting rid of his own clothes. He had filled out since Gibbs had last seen him naked, but he was still all muscles and the older man realized he liked it a lot.  
When they had both stripped down to their boxer shorts, they slipped under the covers of Gibbs' bed and turned towards each other. They simply stared at each other for a few moments, their hands touching each other's hips, their legs entangled. After a while Gibbs finally leaned closer and kissed him thoroughly, their tongues brushing against each other. Their touches had become more demanding as Gibbs' hand slipped under the waistband of Tony's boxers and cupped his ass. He waggled his eyebrows when Tony's hand found its way towards his cock, which twisted in anticipation. Tony let out a throaty chuckle and then kissed him fiercely once more. Gibbs gasped into it, having not expected the sudden force of it. Apparently taking advantage of his surprise, Tony rolled them over so that he was lying on top of him, giving Gibbs an almost comical leer. Tony let his hands slide down Gibbs' sides, causing him to shiver ever so slightly.

"God, I missed this," Gibbs breathed out and received a broad smile in return for it.

"Me, too," he simply answered, his voice rough and low as he started to play with Gibbs' by now overly sensitive nipples.

He let out a groan when Tony continued his tender ministrations, kissing his way along the older man's jaw to his ears, resting there for a few moments as he nibbled at the earlobe, sending shivers down his spine. His hands were suddenly all over him and Gibbs felt hot and sweaty and they hadn't even done anything, yet. He was so focused on every single touch that ghosted over every inch of his body that he was surprised when Tony suddenly stopped and looked at him questioningly. Gibbs furrowed a brow and then realized what Tony was asking and answered.

"Nightstand. Top drawer."

Tony grinned and reached for the lube and one of the condoms that were in there. Gibbs felt his breath hitch in his throat when the younger man looked at him again, his expression so open that it made his heart speed up even more. He couldn't help but reach up and pull him closer against him. They kissed until he felt Tony's erection press hard against his own. He let out a moan at the sudden feeling of loss when the younger man broke their kiss to squeeze the lube onto his fingers. Gibbs watched his every movement as he reached between his legs and found his entrance. He circled it with a tenderness that had Gibbs on the edge instantly before he pushed against the muscle. Gibbs could feel his breathing grow shallower and Tony looked at him for a moment, raising an eyebrow.

"Has been a while," Gibbs pressed out, closing his eyes as Tony's fingertip breached the ring of muscle and slid in.

"How long?" Tony replied in a whisper as he slowly worked his finger deeper into him.

"Ten years?"

Tony stopped dead for a moment and just stared down on him, the smile on his lips disappearing for a moment before he shivered ever so slightly.

"You haven't… since… we…?" he finally stammered out.

"No. Never wanted any other man but you."

"Shit," Tony let out and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and Gibbs realized that he was apparently losing control, so he reached up and grabbed him at the back of his head to draw him down to kiss him again. Almost at the same time, Tony seemed to come around again and took hold of Gibbs' cock as he pushed his finger further inside, causing Gibbs to moan into the kiss. He wriggled his hips and pushed up into Tony's fist. He had expected it to hurt like it had all those years ago, but it was merely burning faintly, overshadowed by the incredible feeling of Tony's hand on his dick and his lips on his own.

"Please," he finally pressed out, all but begging. "Do it."

"Don't want to hurt you," Tony replied quietly, his voice thick, his eyes fully blown.

"You never will," Gibbs just said and then hissed when Tony pulled his finger back and pushed in again, faster this time. "Come on. Need this."

"Okay," Tony replied, smiling at him again and pulling out altogether before he pushed two fingers inside him.

He held still then and Gibbs forced himself to relax. Finally succeeding, as Tony stroked his cock again, he nodded at the younger man, motioning him to continue. With a broad smile on his lips, Tony suddenly crooked his fingers and Gibbs cried out, his hips thrusting upwards as his cock twitched again.

"Shit," he cursed and then trailed off when Tony did it again.

The young man just grinned at him almost devilishly as he set up a rhythm, fucking him thoroughly with his fingers. Gibbs couldn't help but move with his every motion, his cock already leaking. Tony had started to stroke him in earnest and leaned down to steal a kiss again, his tongue matching the rhythm of those damn fingers inside of him as it thrust into Gibbs' mouth without mercy. Almost forcefully, Gibbs gripped the back of his head to pull him off from him, panting in order to catch his breath.

"If you keep on doing this, I won't be able to hold onto much longer. Come on, we've waited too long," he said huskily, trying to even out his breathing. "Come on, do it."

Tony just nodded, the green in his almost completely gone by now. He pulled his fingers free, causing Gibbs to let out something that sounded suspiciously like a whimper, before he grabbed the condom, opened the package and then quickly rolled it down his shaft. Gibbs watched him slick more lube over it and then take hold of his cock, positioning himself at his entrance. Tony stopped for a moment and found Gibbs' eyes again, so he just nodded, giving him a smile and hoping that Tony got the message because his own senses didn't seem to be completely connected anymore.  
Tony nodded, too, then pushed in and Gibbs felt himself tighten around the intrusion. He stilled for a moment, taking another deep breath. Tony's hands were roaming up and down his stomach in a soothing way now and Gibbs relaxed almost instantly and then tentatively began to move under the other man, practically urging him on.

"Tony, please," he pressed out. "Move."

He was met with an unsure glance, but as Gibbs moved again, Tony started to roll his hips and finally pushed all the way in, causing Gibbs to squirm at the unexpected fullness.

"Shit," he repeated himself, but the sound was instantly muffled by another searing hot kiss.

Wrapping one leg around Tony's waist and lifting the other until the younger man's arm slid behind his knee, Gibbs moved against him again and arched underneath him. Tony had apparently forgotten about his earlier insecurity and met his every move now, fucking him harder and faster. Gibbs let out another gasp when Tony hit the right spot again. Through his own arousal, Gibbs saw Tony smile at him ever so slightly as he hit it again and again until Gibbs wasn't able to hold on any longer. Tony's hand had grabbed his own and their fingers intertwined as Gibbs felt himself rippling around the other man. Looking up into those beautiful green eyes, Gibbs let out a soundless shout as he came, the world around him turn to fire and then crumble into to ashes. As if from far away, he felt Tony thrust deep inside of him and then he came, his cock throbbing within him.

Still panting, the younger man released Gibbs' leg, pulled out of him and then sank down onto Gibbs' stomach, seemingly unaware of the mess there. He was trembling ever so slightly and Gibbs' arms came around him, holding him close. He stroked his back for a while until his breathing became less shallow.

When Tony finally looked at him again, his eyes locking into Gibbs', the older man felt his breath hitch in his throat again. The younger man looked so vulnerable at the moment that Gibbs wanted nothing more than hold him like this forever.

"God," Tony finally said after a moment of prolonged silence. "I almost threw away all of this..."

"I wouldn't have let you," Gibbs replied tersely.

"Yeah, I'm still glad I came around," Tony whispered, leaning in to kiss him again. "Thanks for finding me again and letting me in like this again, Jethro."

"No, Tony," Jethro said, blinking a couple of times to get rid of his blurry vision. "Thank _you_."


End file.
